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#441500 - 07/20/13 05:53 PM I can't believe I have the guts to do this…
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 288
Loc: PA
Hello everyone.

Wow, what a place you have all created. I am happy to be here and look forward to hearing and sharing. I looked in a year ago but just didn’t have the guts to join. I fear other guys - they scare me. I scare me. I have been in therapy twice in my life after surviving sexual abuse that occurred shortly after starting puberty. Therapy the first time was when I was in college. My life was spiraling into what would have ended in suicide had not I received help. Unfortunately, at that age I was just not able to do much healing. Some of this stuff is just too hard to really address at a young age. I managed to setup enough defense mechanisms to live what appeared to be a “normal” life. I fooled everyone, including myself. There were so many signs, but I couldn’t see them.

After realizing that all I had accomplished from my first attempt to deal with sexual abuse was just an illusion, even though I was married with 4 kids, I started another round of therapy. I had kept everyone, but my wife, at a distance so I wouldn’t get hurt again and could appear as normal. It had worked for so long and everyone for the most part thought I was normal. People may have thought of me as a friend, but to me it was just and act that I had to follow. I felt either nothing or fear if it was with a guy. I had intense feelings of loneliness caused by my inability to make connections with other people. I’ve always been able to make connections with other women, but since being married that didn’t seem to be something I should continue to do and I couldn’t make connections with other guys. My last attempts at being friends with other guys was back in college and that didn’t go so well – hence the downward spiraling.

My ability to fake it was not meeting my needs so I tried to start making connections with others – guys and girls. It felt really good at first – almost like a drug. Then fear set in, especially with some of the connections with the guys I was talking to. At first it seemed like I found a few I could really be friends with and while cool, it sent me back to my college days and how I just couldn’t be friends with other guys. Panic attacks and all. I knew what it was and went straight to a counselor I knew and trusted. It’s been almost one year now and there is light at the end of tunnel – sometimes…

Right now I feel like a kid who wants a friend he can call up and ask him if he wants to come over and play today.

I joined because I still can’t make friends very easily and I NEED to talk to people about this stuff.

Thanks for everyone who reads this and to everyone who has posted on the site. You’ve all been very helpful already.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#441501 - 07/20/13 06:02 PM Re: I can't believe I have the guts to do this… [Re: Rich1967]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3362
Loc: O Kanada
hi rich.
congratulations on making your first post.
"one small step... "
you know yourself, how much courage it took to take the plunge.

this forum allows you to make connections while still maintaining a safe distance. that room allows you to breathe.

i really hope you find some of what you need to heal your wounds.

thanks for sharing.
i NEED to talk about this stuff, too.
so we end up talking to each other at some time.

a great big welcome.
come out an play.
but tread softly and carefully... there are mines and triggers all over the place.
be aware and beware.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#441504 - 07/20/13 06:17 PM Re: I can't believe I have the guts to do this… [Re: Rich1967]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 288
Loc: PA
Thanks. Sounds like words of wisdom. Glad I didn't join a year ago cause was just too scared. There's been a lot of pain already putting myself out there like this, but feel like each time I've learned something valuable and I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#441508 - 07/20/13 06:47 PM Re: I can't believe I have the guts to do this… [Re: Rich1967]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3362
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: Rich1967
I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.


BAM!

that little saying kept me going for decades.

sometimes, pain is all we got.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#441555 - 07/21/13 12:39 AM Re: I can't believe I have the guts to do this… [Re: Rich1967]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Hey Rich

Sounds like you have already come a long way in your recovery in the last 12 months. That too took guts.

We all NEED to talk about this stuff. If we don't get it out it will eat us alive. MS is a great safe place for us to talk to guys who really do understand our struggles and more often than not have felt the exact same way. Often there isn't much to say other than 'yeah I know'.

I have met guys here that I consider my most treasured friends even though we have never. I hope you find the same thing.

Originally Posted By: Rich1967
I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
I have to admit that while I agree..... I do have my moments when I miss the numbness of denial.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#441562 - 07/21/13 01:12 AM Re: I can't believe I have the guts to do this… [Re: Rich1967]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 288
Loc: PA
Thanks for the support. I feel like I've come a long ways, but I'm guessing there are some more layers…

Friendship is awesome isn't it. Haven't had any for a couple of decades now till just recently. Still not great at doing it, but looking forward to making more. Hopefully with some that know what I've been going through.

Thanks again!
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#441606 - 07/21/13 12:14 PM Re: I can't believe I have the guts to do this… [Re: Rich1967]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 05:39 PM)

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#441813 - 07/22/13 10:18 PM Re: I can't believe I have the guts to do this… [Re: Rich1967]
nolan79 Offline


Registered: 06/22/13
Posts: 32
Loc: sc, united states
Congrats on making that step. You have joined a great place to express everything that is going on inside of you. This site has really helped me a lot. From making my own posts, to reading other people's posts, I have gained a lot of knowledge to help me understand what has happened to me.

I hope this site will help you to continue taking those bold steps needed to make a full recovery.
_________________________
Every hidden secret will eventually find light

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#441837 - 07/23/13 12:51 AM Re: I can't believe I have the guts to do this… [Re: Rich1967]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 288
Loc: PA
Geoff and Nolan - thanks for the support today. Posting my story was both satisfying and scary at the same time. I definitely had moments of feeling like a freak today. Your words help ease those feelings.

Thank you both for being my friends.

Thank you for everyone that has reached out. I definitely need to try the chat room, but being afraid other guys still makes that a bit too scary…


Edited by Rich1967 (07/23/13 10:39 AM)
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#441845 - 07/23/13 03:54 AM Re: I can't believe I have the guts to do this… [Re: Rich1967]
Ivo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 267
Loc: Germany
Rich you are projecting your own fears to image of other guys and people and thus allowing that your own fears are blocking you for normal communication. You do not have to go immediately to chat room as long as you do not feel comfortable, take your time, discuss topics here, give your opinion and make room for yourself and get to know people better…

So go slowly and relax.

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