I've spent several days trying to find something to say, anything that could help, but all I have is this: I've been and some days am there.
I cannot count the hours I have spent thinking about and wondering what people were like naked and in bed. I have no interest in them; it's simply a compulsion, a behavior that I learned from my abuser and the way I thought everyone behaved. I started having new experiences once I began dancing Argentine Tango.
Argentine Tango is a structured social dance with a code of conduct that makes reading "body language" infinitely more strait forward. The rules are out there for everyone to agree on:
1) Capaceo - how to ask for a dance.
2) Ask at the beginning of a Tanda (series of three to five songs)
3) Say thank you after a Tanda to stop dancing together
4) Respect everyone's personal space. If you and your partner agree, you can dance close embrace. Otherwise, dance open.
5) Be polite. There's never a reason to be rude.
That's really it. There's plenty of more subtle stuff that comes up later on, but you don't have to get involved in the social stuff unless you want to. I know that Argentine Tango has changed my experience of intimacy and friendship; how to define boundaries; and made me more comfortable with my personal space. In fact, I started dancing about six months before I began dealing with my CSA, in no small part because Argentine Tango helped me figure out what more "normal" and "appropriate" boundaries are.
It's just a thought I wanted to throw out there.
Strength in power is a false victory rooted in vapid grandiosity. Strength in character and integrity is the freedom to act righteously irrespective of the surrounding pressure. True power is the presence of mind to live with character and integrity.