sorry about what happened to you.
glad that you are facing it head on.
very pleased to have you join this online group.
i welcome you and your input.
just my opinion...
i believe this is a good place. i feel safe here.
i spent some time reading the different stories and topics on this forum before i posted anything.
10 years, in fact.
i don't know what was holding me back,
but it was great to know the forum was always there for me study.
it has been an invaluable resource in my own personal recovery.
now, i feel ready to talk about almost everything openly and honestly, while remaining publicly anonymous.
and though my abuse also "changed the direction of my life completely",
i feel like i am in a very good place spiritually now, at 52.
the journey has been a constant dilemma, denial versus disclosure.
sometimes a struggle becomes a battle, but it gets better, and easier every time.
relapse, rebound, repeat.
good news is, the pain is almost gone. it is slowly being replaced with an abiding love.
love is a four letter word i never believed in before.
would not even use it without disdain and derision.
the old me is still there, like a snake in the garden,
but his power over my decisions has greatly diminished.
life for me is not perfect, but it is excellent.
another angle for you to explore...
what some of us have done here, is publish our story on survivor stories.
i posted mine about ten years ago.
just putting it out there really made a huge difference to me.
DISCLAIMER: writing your story might not be what you need to do. do not go there if you are not comfortable.
even reading the stories can be a major trigger.
you will discover situations that are hard to imagine.
i find it helps me to know that other survivors have very similar emotional issues as i do,
regardless of how varied is the individual history of abuse and acting out.
each of us bears his own cross.
when i witness the dignity with which others here carry their burdens, it inspires me.
wishing you hope and health.