Winston Churchill was an alcoholic, functional as it may be, but he was. There is a story that he was quite lit one night. A famously snobbish woman remarked, "You sir, are DRUNK!". Winston Churchill replied, "and you Madam, are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
While you may have been raped as a child and through all the various control/shame mechanisms, were not able to say anything. He is a jerk, and you ARE doing something about YOUR problem. Quite often people who are mean in that way are trying to cover evil or inadequacy in their own heart.
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.