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#440310 - 07/07/13 05:49 PM Re: Hey Dad, Hey Mom, I Hate You Both *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
GT13568 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 133
Loc: California
Quote:
About sending it - think they'd ask me why I used the same rhyme three times...didn't realize until I reread it...


Hah! I so identify. My abusive parents would for sure critique for style before content. It's a way of life with abuser's, to miss the real and obvious facts.

I love this poem, Husky. I'd also love to hear the rap version of it that PoorSoft mentions. Well freaking done.

GT
_________________________
I won the moment he hurt me, because he poisoned his soul, and I did not poison mine. I did not hurt anyone. He did. He was the perp. He tried to make me into a victim, but I became a survivor. Yes.

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#440367 - 07/08/13 11:33 AM Re: Hey Dad, Hey Mom, I Hate You Both *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
phenomenal
i know it can be scary sometimes to look back at what you've written and realize how low you were or how bad you felt.
but I've noticed something else
every once in a while - i read something
I think - hey that's not bad
then I realize - even better - that particular anger is gone. I've moved on.
Even in one area - it does feel good.
So keep pouring it - better than storing it.

M
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#441247 - 07/18/13 10:13 AM Re: Hey Dad, Hey Mom, I Hate You Both *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio

Very, very powerful, Concerned Husky, I think my heart rhythm changed for a minute or two! Thanks for telling your story with such passion and honesty; and in such a creative way, really remarkable and inspiring work!

Gary / 1.healing
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#441260 - 07/18/13 05:21 PM Re: Hey Dad, Hey Mom, I Hate You Both *Triggers* [Re: MarkK]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 605
Thanks for the feedback guys, I really appreciate it.

Originally Posted By: MarkK
i know it can be scary sometimes to look back at what you've written and realize how low you were or how bad you felt.


That really sums it up. I reread it today after not having read it for a few weeks. It's like it was written by someone else...
_________________________
Husky

My Story

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#441300 - 07/18/13 10:22 PM Re: Hey Dad, Hey Mom, I Hate You Both *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3518
Loc: O Kanada
picking myself up off the floor after reading this poem.
it's a powerful one-two knockout punch.

i have been avoiding this poem for a while, based on the title, because of my own seriously flawed and almost nonexistent relationships with my dysfunctional parents.
sometimes it feels like hate, but i try to love them as fellow fckd up souls on this physical plane.

but now i am glad i took the effort to read this.

and even though it is not funny,
i actually got a good laugh when i read...

"I waste your money…yep, I sure do, yes sir,
I gamble it away, then with whatever’s left I feed some cat and I watch it purr.
But it’s ok, let’s just move on – I mean we both know it won’t happen again…right?
There’s no way there’s something deeper…yeah just ignore the truth with all your might.
Oh and where the hell were you when I needed you?
All I need now is your money, I don’t need a bloody guru."

this is exactly where i am with my father.

good job telling it like it is.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#454776 - 11/22/13 11:02 AM Re: Hey Dad, Hey Mom, I Hate You Both *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 605
I found myself rereading this poem today. Scarily, the anger I expressed in writing it doesn't do any justice whatsoever to the anger I'm feeling right now. What's worse, I have to keep this anger (not anger, rage) in check because even expressing it slightly jeopardizes my chances of realizing the hopes I expressed in the last line of the poem:

"But really I’m looking forward to that day,
When I cut you from my life and hear nothing you have to say."

I let my anger slip today. I couldn't contain myself anymore - I punched a chair hard and then realizing how stupid I was I proceeded to punch my pillow instead (admittedly a more intelligent choice for anger displacement) some more. But before that, I had sent my father a snarky e-mail, telling him I hated what he was doing to me, and I was just tired. He abruptly ended the conversation (which had been going on for a good few hours) with, "No need to talk. Take care." This sent me into a tailspin. Just one slip - one message when I express my true feelings, BRIEFLY - and I get the cut. It's hard to put into words what I'm feeling at the moment. Suppressed rage.

I am very much looking forward to that day, when they get the cut, from me. And it's going to be oh-so-sweet.
_________________________
Husky

My Story

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#454788 - 11/22/13 12:40 PM Re: Hey Dad, Hey Mom, I Hate You Both *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 289
Loc: PA
Wow Husky that sounds brutal. Stay strong. Remember you have your MS supporters backing you up and you can vent to us whenever you want. I would be venting if I were in your shoes. Change is coming soon, I can feel it.

((((((((Husky))))))))


Edited by Rich1967 (11/22/13 12:44 PM)
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#454794 - 11/22/13 01:14 PM Re: Hey Dad, Hey Mom, I Hate You Both *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
Cthulhu Online   sleepy
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 140
Loc: Cascadia
Husky,

Let your rage have its place. Let yourself express it like you in safe ways...

I am so sorry. Stay strong.
But this will end. You will get your closing couplet.

With love and hope,

Cthulhu


Edited by Cthulhu (01/03/14 08:49 PM)
_________________________
“what matters most is how well you walk through the fire”
-Charles Bukowski

some context

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#454809 - 11/22/13 04:02 PM Re: Hey Dad, Hey Mom, I Hate You Both *Triggers* [Re: concerned_husky]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 815
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Husky,

Many years back a boyfriend of 4 1/2 years was finishing up his dissertation on child rearing practices. He developed a test which gave some clues. I took the test and I would have raised aggressive dependent children. Sound familiar? That kind of carrot and stick made me crazy. My mother said, "Oh son, you know how much I love you." What she really was saying was "I hate your guts you stupid little kid. You have done nothing but prevented me from having a life!"

I wonder if expressing your rage directly to them does anything but add insult to injury for you. I have spent years, like moth to flame, connecting with people who do not see me or value me. The sad truth is that I continued to pick people who are not ABLE to see me or value me. And, then I proceed to symbolically shake them and shake them and say "SEE ME! GODDAMIT SEE ME!" It never did any good because they weren't able to see me.

I'm 64 Husky, and am thankfully BEGINNING to be able to bring this self-destructive pattern more fully into consciousness. At the end of the day, it's only myself I can change, not my parents. I hope you are able to find a way to see yourself clearly and to see them clearly. I found that very difficult to do, because it involved skills I not only did not have, but had massive time bombs inside very carefully crafted to prevent me from getting the skills I needed.

My loving wish for you is for you to be able to keep yourself safe while you develop the skills you need to grow. From my perspective, this is about you, not them.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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