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#400949 - 06/20/12 12:02 AM coming to terms with what happened
EWF Offline

Registered: 06/19/12
Posts: 5
Hello all. I am 34 and was sexually abused by my older brother when I was like 10.

I just recently came to the reality that my CSA has affected me and is ruining my relationship with my wife of almost 10 years.

I look forward to participating.

#400953 - 06/20/12 12:19 AM Re: coming to terms with what happened [Re: EWF]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3720
Loc: South-East Europe
Welcome to MS EWF!
I'm sorry that you have to be here, I wish that we all met because of some more positive reason apart of some abuse.
But it is great that you become aware of some problems and you obviously searched for some answers. This site is good place for some additional help and improvement. Take your time and learn about resources that are available for us here and keep sharing further. You are not alone!
Be well!
My story

#400958 - 06/20/12 12:35 AM Re: coming to terms with what happened [Re: EWF]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1625

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

If you do not have a therapist I strongly suggest you get one as soon as your circumstances allow you to do so. For help in finding a therapist please read the Consumers Guide to Therapist Shopping. Psychology Today has listings for all states and counties. You can choose the type of therapist you are seeking as well as the area(s) to which you are willng to travel. Also check your county rape crisis center. They offer services to males and females, at no cost to county residents. Some offer support groups in addition to individual therapy. Healing from these horrors is not an endeavor to be done without the help of a professional, preferably one trained to work with trauma and/ or sexual abuse.

In addition to therapy and this site, there are several books you might find useful.

Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Abuse by Mic Hunter

Victims No Longer by Mike Lew.

I am certian others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in September.

Again, welcome to MS.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

#400969 - 06/20/12 02:40 AM Re: coming to terms with what happened [Re: EWF]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa

Grab the bull by the horns and attack the healing process without fear. Have a honest desire to heal and you are young enough to get back the lost years.
Healing is a choice, if you honestly desire it, you will get it.

Heal well Brother
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#401039 - 06/20/12 12:47 PM Re: coming to terms with what happened [Re: EWF]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 06:52 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

#441177 - 07/17/13 04:00 PM Re: coming to terms with what happened [Re: EWF]
wavvver Offline

Registered: 04/05/12
Posts: 4
Loc: peterborough,on ,canada
what exactly does healing look like? can u feel it, touch it, taste it how do u know it or see it happening????

#441178 - 07/17/13 04:01 PM Re: coming to terms with what happened [Re: EWF]
wavvver Offline

Registered: 04/05/12
Posts: 4
Loc: peterborough,on ,canada
Anybody have any suggestions with coming to terms with what happened???

#441180 - 07/17/13 04:09 PM Re: coming to terms with what happened [Re: EWF]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 2434
Healing does not have one look, it comes from within and can be validated by those around you. Healing is a process, an emotional roller coaster--facing and accepting the abuse, facing and accepting the part of you that was fragmented (and for many this part was disowned and harbors the emotions, that may not be consistent with your own emotions and views of the abuse--one person described the fragmented part as their Mr. Hyde), learning to see yourself in a different light--and not as a worthless or damaged. It is ultimately being able to love yourself, in your wholeness.

People from the outside can validate your progress-they can see a change in how you look and talk, they can see you appreciating yourself and most importantly they can say you seem really happy. I heard these words today from two people who know of my healing journey. They said you have changed--I looked at them, what do you mean. They said for the past several months we can see you are truly happy, you laugh, you smile and see things positively. I know they were right, I feel differently after years of being defensive, lonely and unhappy. I can feel I am happy--so I know I am healing.

You will sometimes question the process because it is difficult, you move forward and make take a step back, but over time you will move ahead and you will sense you are different--freer, not burdened by the past and you see life for the future. Good luck.

#441216 - 07/17/13 10:13 PM Re: coming to terms with what happened [Re: EWF]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 5875
Loc: O Kanada
i welcome your participation.
hope you heal well.



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