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#441003 - 07/16/13 02:38 AM Not knowing i am acceptable, lovable, good guy.
little big man Offline

Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
Abandoned emotionally in early childhood. Emotionally isolated. Father raped me before preschool. No Relitive beleived me wanted nothing to do with me. A couple of women I know heard some of my story and they felt awfull for me. Really cared. Hmm care about me? How could that be? My relitives have no interest in me, brothers either. I had cancer in 1990 and never got a get well card from any relitive. I was left alone; just like in childhood. I am not important to any of them. I go to a lot of Al Anon meetings and im starting to see people like me. That I must not be a bad person. A lot of people give me attension.
I am coming out of solitary confinment ( my theripist said I grew up in solitary confinement and came out sane). I was always an outsider in school and in society. Now I take the risk to find out my relitives were wrong about me.

Edited by little big man (07/16/13 02:50 AM)

#441033 - 07/16/13 09:53 AM Re: Not knowing i am acceptable, lovable, good guy. [Re: little big man]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 05:35 PM)

#441134 - 07/17/13 06:13 AM Re: Not knowing i am acceptable, lovable, good guy. [Re: little big man]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
Lbm, one skill I've personally developed is realizing that my own perceptions of myself aren't reliable, that even if I feel! worthless, feel that being worthless is such a basic physical description of myself I could addd it to who and what I am, ---- five foot 9, dark hair, worthless, that is just not something I can have an opinion on since my opinion is utterly unreliable.

It's just like any other subject. There are some thigns I know about through my experience, and some I do not. I'd always give more weight to say the opinion of a solicitor about the law because they know more than me about it, they have not only studdied more, but also developed intuitions, instincts and an understanding of the rules of that particular game.

In the game of self worth, I am just not experienced, thus I do not let my own opinions influence me. if for instance someone thinks I am the right person for a given job or have a tallent that would help them, I'll believe that they know what they're talking about better than me, ---- perhaps those women who cared about your story knew better than you?

#441841 - 07/23/13 02:17 AM Re: Not knowing i am acceptable, lovable, good guy. [Re: little big man]
little big man Offline

Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
Thank you for the very insightful comments. I just read about how its almost impossible to trust anyone after it was your parents who molested you. I was also emotionally abandoned. Took the blame. I go to two alanon meetings a day now for two years now. Im becomeing aware not Im not such a bad guy, seeing Im might be smart and seeing im not ugly. I dont know who I am without these people. Im very insecure. I take risks though. At first I was very afarid of people in the meetings, did not know if my speech or thoughts were weird or not. Beat myself up after meetings with my whip that Im wierd. Done that alot in my life. No one to tell me I was not or perspective by knowing others that Im normal. I dont pull that whip out very much now. Starting to be able to trust;still strong fear of abandonment for any small mistakes I make. Way insecure and needy, but I know ill get over some of it. Lack of perspective, no where to get it before. Theripist says I grew up in solitary confinement, perhaps you can understand that.

Edited by little big man (07/23/13 02:23 AM)


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