I took a little trip abroad over the weekend with a friend of mine, and we met up with two others. Just seeing a new city, enjoying some good food and coffee, playing cards and generally killing time - it was a pretty awesome weekend. Now that I'm back on my own, I catch myself thinking about this a lot.
Most of them were good kids - they probably didn't even go to the level of what would pass as a 'friend' for me, just nice acquaintances. I told one of them I had a stressful week because my mother was visiting me for seven, long days. He said something along the lines of "oh, you're an only child, and she's your mother", etc. - the usual response. I just smiled and left it at that - I'm guessing CSA and abuse and things like that were simply beyond the reach of his imagination. But - it was nice, in a way. I felt it was nice to just hang out with guys to whom these kind of things weren't really problems they had to deal with. Granted, they, like so many others, might be hiding these problems, but for the time being, I'm betting my money on the fact that they are one of the 5 of out 6.
I made a lot of effort in trying to integrate with these type of people. Of course it would be unfair to say they don't have problems, everyone does. I guess what I'm saying, is that it's just sometimes nice to hang out with guys where CSA is virtually non-existent. It helps forget, and it brings you peace in some ways. I wouldn't share with them this kind of thing ever - I wouldn't want to ruin the illusion that I completely belong to this circle.
Growing up isn't about losing innocence - it's about learning how to keep it in a cold and unforgiving world.