My H accidentally told me about his CSA about 2 months ago. It was in the middle of us arguing and he just blurted it out. I don't think he meant to disclose to me. I believed him and would support him in anyway I can but there are just a couple things bugging me--
1. Ever since I found out about the CSA, I found myself started to link and analyze his behavior..and I usually find myself doing this when we are arguing which let me think about all the problems we have. And a lot of the times I can't help but think it's all because of that evil thing that happened!
I don't like to analyze and link because I feel like I am "judging" H in a way
Can the spouses share some experience with this and how to not cross the line?
2. H does not see the link of his behaviors and his CSA at all. One time I told him what I have learned from books and here about his certain behaviors have to do with the CSA ex. Trust issue, anger, runs away from responsibility..etc. He was stunned by the connection. However couple of days later, he re-stated that he always has those problems and it has nothing to do with his CSA.
H just acts like everything is not a big deal ..since it happened almost 25 years ago and he has "dealt" with it already, which is, as he told me, decided not to think about it at all since he turned 18. But to me, it has not been dealt with at all.
We don't have health insurance so I haven't really looked into a T. I was originally looking into support groups or sth like that. But H insists on not telling anyone else.
My question is how I can facilitate the "start" of the healing process? I know everyone here mentioned that it really has to do with the survivor and he will start only when he wants to. But isn't there ANYTHING at ll that I can do? Sometimes I just feel like I am pushing a stubborn cow to move and I am getting so angry and impatient.