There is nothing sane about CSA--memories are sometimes buried so deeply. For me I always had memories but once the flood gates were opened from actions that made me feel like the child in the cellar all hell broke loose. My periods of loosing time, blanking out and fugues increased as I fought to bury these memories--deny them and never wanted him to come back--but I could no longer control them. They overtook my life as did the actions of others creating those feelings of being in the cellar with his hands all over me, trapped locked in and no escape. It destroyed me and only now am I healing and becoming who I truly am. The memories were so vivid when I had to visit the place of the abuse to bury my Mom. Sometimes you cannot control the release of the memories, other times they are locked and you do not know how and when they will be released. The help of a T may help you explore your past and may help release what you have buried for so long. Don't be hard on yourself. In time what you have buried will come to light.