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#440509 - 07/09/13 08:32 PM And It Just Keeps Getting Better. (Updated)
BraveFalcon Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL
My life fucking sucks. I hate it, but as long as things are relatively stable, I can handle it. Things have been mostly stable for a few years now, but that may be about to change.

Last Sunday, my brother, who has been my roommate for the last four years, told me that after our lease is up at the end of the year he is no longer going to be able to live with me. The reason, he quit drinking about three moths ago and I did not. He says he needs to live in an alcohol-free environment as soon as possible. I am trying not to be mad and am trying to understand, but it is hard. I will say that I'm not very surprised though. I pretty much knew this was coming when he started saying "I have to get sober", which was a long time before he did.

The problem is, I don't really have anywhere else to go. I know a couple of people who could be potential roommates but not ones who I think I can trust to be able to make half of the rent and bills reliably. Living alone isn't an option as I can barley afford to live with a roommate splitting the rent and bills let alone take them all on myself. Finding a roommate on Criag's List or something like that is absolutely not an option for me. My brother knows all my secrets and is familiar with all of my issues. He's used to my neurotic, basket-case craziness. Cohabitating with a person who does not know those things and is not used to them wouldn't work out. No fucking way.

The only other option....... ugh...... move back in with my parents. I'm 38 years old and I may have to move back in with my parents. The good news is, I'm pretty sure they'd be ok with it. The bad news is, I'd be 38 and living with my parents. Also, I'd be even further away from the job sites I have to commute to every day. I already spend about two hours commuting each and every day, (one hour both ways), and that's pretty miserable as it is. The only other really bright spot I can see living with my parents would be that I'd be able to spend all the money I'm currently spending on rent and bills on paying off my car loan and pay it off in probably a year instead of the three I have remaining on the payment plan. Still, I really don't want to take that big a step backwards in life at this stage, especially with no exit strategy, but I may have no other choice.

I don't guess I can really blame my brother. I suppose it's hard enough to stay sober when you don't have to come home from work on the weekends to find your brother passed out drunk on the kitchen floor. I'm trying not to be selfish and be proud of him. It's just not that easy when his decision to try and improve his life is likely going to fuck up mine. I suppose that makes me a bit of a selfish prick but oh well. I have my own problems to worry about. Peace,

Ken

PS. Oh yeah, and all those pics I've posted of my cats.... those are actually his cats... so I'll miss the kitties too. cry


Edited by BraveFalcon (11/19/13 07:25 PM)

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#440512 - 07/09/13 08:55 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
trytry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/13
Posts: 36
Loc: Wisconsin
Don't really have much to say that'd help... but I know the feeling... we're in the middle of trying to move out too because the management won't fix some major problems with the apartment, it's stressful, not knowing what will happen or what things will be like at a different place, or how we will be able to afford it, not having a place that feels like home (for a few days at least). It's understandable that your brother doesn't want to be around alcohol, tho it does leave you in a tough spot, but I'm sure you'll get it figured out, try not to worry too much.

Best of luck.

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#440516 - 07/09/13 10:22 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
SoccerStar Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York

That's a rotten dilemma and I'm sorry you're facing it.

It would be a real blow to your ego to move in with your parents, but I'm more worried about your commute. Long commute times are an under-appreciated cause of emotional stress, sleep disorders, weight disorders... anything more than 40 mins either direction is bad for you.

Can you try drinking not at home? Like, drink only at bars or in the garage or something? A cooler in the trunk of your car?
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#440528 - 07/10/13 12:55 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
ThisMan Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
There's not a lot I can say that will help either, but I am sorry for the added stress in your life. It's a lot to worry about. One suggestion is maybe you could negotiate with him for custody of one of the cats.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#440538 - 07/10/13 07:52 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
I'm sorry for such news Ken, but I like what SoccerStar said about considering stop drinking while being at home, is that possible?
I know it is terrible to have such uncertainties waiting in future.
Anyway I'm impressed by your brother's determination to stop drinking and deal with it. It is very inspiring for me seeing someone wanting to bring life to control.
I hope everything will be alright for you in all this.

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#440551 - 07/10/13 10:10 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1250
Loc: New York
Hey Ken,

I hear what your saying but your brother has to kick the bottle. It's hard to go dry, I had the same problem with drugs and a 3 pack a day smoking habit. So it would be hard for your brother trying to straighten out. Is there anyway that you could go off in your own room and drink until you get the urge to stop? Instead of passing out in the kitchen do it in your room.

I must admit that after I fell apart 2-1/2 years ago I drank about 1/2 qt of whiskey a night. Now I'm into weed witch for me is a lot better. I just need to remove myself from the present for a while. Sort of a vacation from my shit. I so take Oxy but if I don't have the money then it's just the week. I think my cutting had started because I didn't have the money for drugs. I used to be a speed freak and all it did over the years was leave me a bunch of stumps in my mouth. Not a fucken whole tooth all of them down to the gums.

I really don't have any answers Ken it's hard but you have to realize that your brother is trying to sober up and that's hard enough. I would have a good long talk with your brother and see how you can come to some agreement between the two of you. If you get along good with each other I'm sure that you can come up with some common ground. Find something else to get high on. Or just spend the drinking time in a bar.

Is there a possibility of your two working together to get dry?

Good luck, I'll ask around to see if anyone at work has any ideas

I do write down what I want to talk about but then I'm ashamed to so we talk about something else. I have to write him up about what when on in school gym. I think I can do that and add it to my timeline.

Wow that's a great gesture on you part. That's really nice.

Yeah I'm in my Dungeon/bunker. Please don't worry about me, it's not worth the time and effort. It's going to be hard to get a good night's rest it's already 3:45am but I'm thinking of coming in late. Just can't take all the shit.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#440561 - 07/10/13 11:51 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
Suwanee Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 759
Loc: Southeast USA
Ken,

This is a crappy development. There isn't a better way to say it.
I don't know that I have that much to add that others haven't already mentioned.

Perhaps you could make an inventory of your needs, your brother's concerns and an old-fashioned pro-con list of options. Put on paper, you may see a better option emerge. It's good to have options tho...

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#440572 - 07/10/13 02:11 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
bodyguard8367 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 05:28 PM)

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#440592 - 07/10/13 06:41 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 606
Ken,

Sorry to hear about your situation - a lot of crappy things seem to have come together for you.

I don't have much to add to what others have said, except that since your brother is moving out at the end of the year, it may not seem like it now, but you do have some time to figure things out. When problems come down on you all it once, I think it's a bit easy to lose a sense of time and feel like the world's going to end tomorrow...but it's not, it won't, and it never will. You still have a good few months to weigh your options and make a good decision. It's tough now but I know you'll make the right one, and things will get better. Take care Ken.
_________________________
Husky

My Story

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#440611 - 07/10/13 10:51 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL
Hi guys. Thanks for all the suggestions. I know there isn't really much else that can be said. It is what it is. I almost didn't even post about this because I wasn't sure what the point would be but it is a fairly significant development in my life so I went ahead and shared.

I honestly don't think relegating my drinking to my room or whatever would really work. First of all, because it's to restricting for me and second, because it's not just seeing me drink that's a problem for my bro, it's being around me when I have been drinking and having booze in the house at all. Drinking in a bar is far to expensive. Shit, I can barley afford to drink in a bar once a month, let alone every night. If I could afford that I could afford to pay rent and bills on my own in the first place, LOL!

Living at my parents place would require even more commuting, which would suck, but what's another 20-40 minutes a day in the car when you already spend a total of over 2 hours a day sitting in soul-numbing traffic?

The cats? Well, they're his. I love them like they're mine, but they're his. I wouldn't try to do some kind of a joint custody thing even if I could. I don't think that would be fair to the cats. If I do wind up at my parents place, taking them over there would be completely out of the question anyway. My mom has a little toy Chihuahua named Rita and these two big, grey tabbies would fucking eat her in about 10 minutes. I wouldn't do that to Rita.

Me going dry is not an option and never will be. I am going to drink until my liver explodes or until something else kills me first. I won't give up the one thing that gives me any joy or that temporarily stops all the fucking chaos in my head. Not now, not ever.

Anyway, thanks for listening and thanks again for the replies. I'll figure something out. Take care. Peace,

Ken


Edited by BraveFalcon (07/10/13 10:52 PM)

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#440618 - 07/11/13 12:15 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1250
Loc: New York
Hey ((((( Ken )))))

I can sympathize with you even though I doen't like the outcome for either of us. I'm sure there are many more like us than we know.

Originally Posted By: Ken
I won't give up the one thing that gives me any joy or that temporarily stops all the fucking chaos in my head. Not now, not ever.

I haven't had any drugs since I got our of the USAF +2 or when I was around 23. I would shoot the kitchen sink if I could get it in a syringe. When I fell apart 2-1/2 years ago I started drinking. The only time I ever seriously drank was at 10 years old in my best friends wine cellar. I was drinking 1/2 qt of whiskey a night and sometimes during lunch breaks (expensive). I finally kicked that habit because my shrink gave me some meds for that. But I still needed something to stop the wheels in my head. I came up with a good quantity of legal drugs like Oxycontin. This was getting harder to come by but I was willing to go to jail by getting stung. But again I had a problem I needed something to stop my head, so now I'm just smoking my brains out getting high as a kite to stop my head.

Now the problem that we both have is what do we do when we can't afford what we're using now? I probably do know what my answer would be. We have to come up with something. I know the feeling when my head stopes and I can be in the twilight zone.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#440619 - 07/11/13 12:27 AM . [Re: BraveFalcon]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#440681 - 07/11/13 09:42 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: lapchinj]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL

Hi guys. Thanks for the continued replies and support.

Jeff - You know, I used to be a huge pothead but as I got older, I found it has a different effect on me than it used to. As far as the "chaos in my head" goes, sometimes weed can actually almost make it worse. You know, like it makes me think to much and I can even freak out a little bit. I still smoke some, but only when I've had enough to drink to balance the mental part of the high out. Fortunately, I've never gotten into popping pills. I've taken valume a few times and had oxycodone after my facial surgery but I've made myself stay away since then. I like that shit way to much. It's probably a good thing I can't afford them.

Greg - Thanks for the suggestions but I'm not going to try to negotiate with my brither to get him to keep living with me. He's made his wishes clear and I want to respect them. Besides, at some point, negotiating just becomes begging in a situation like this one and I don't want to do that. After all, I knew I wasn't going to be able to live with my brother forever. At some point I was going to have to figure out what to do without him.

Anyway, there aren't really any new developments in the situation and there probably wont be for a while. I need to think about some things, talk to some people, talk to my parents, etc. I'll let everyone know if and when there is anything new to tell. Thanks again. Peace,

Ken

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#440685 - 07/11/13 10:20 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1250
Loc: New York
Hey Ken,

Drinking is also expensive. I would go through a case of whiskey around every 2 weeks (12 bottles). The better whiskey is soft as opposed to the bargain basement kind. I kept going into the same liquor store to buy cases of booze and the guy ask me if I take a bath in the stuff so I told him I cater some parties.

I was into drugs I wasn't crazy about drinking. I was really into speed especially in the USAF just so I could stay up to work. I would crash at least once a week and then I start the process all over again. the problem is that I rotted all my teeth down to the gums. But that's OK I love bananas and yogurt. I just can't afford to even think about teeth, just to take out the other shit would be way too expensive. I just tell people that I'm on a diet and had all my teeth pulled crazy.

I guess to each his own. I thought that I would never take drugs or anything like that since I was off the shit for about 40 years. but I fell apart big time and that's what my head is into. My shrink gave me something for the drinking so that worked but I asked him if there was something for the drugs and he said the only thing is methadone and I didn't want to go that route.

I sure wish I had some thoughts on living or not living with your brother but I never had any siblings so I don't know how to what to think about it. It just seems that you don't have many choices and that cuts into your drinking money so be very careful if you can't afford both. If I can help you in any way don't be scared to ask, if I can help you I will.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#440702 - 07/12/13 05:31 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: lapchinj]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL
HI Jeff. Thanks. Yeah, I've always heard that methadone is one of those things where the cure can be worse than the disease or at least as bad. When it comes to what my drinking costs me financially, I have it down to about $150 to $175 a month. It used to be a lot more than that but I've made myself start buying mostly only shit swill beer like Icehouse. Also, I limit my drinking on work nights to 3-4 16 oz cans a night. On the weekends, it's normally more like 12-15 16 oz cans and sometimes a few shots of cheap vodka or tequila and maybe a little weed. Those are the nights I often wind up passing out on the floor. I need those nights though. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. (If only barely) crazy Take care. Peace,

Ken


Edited by BraveFalcon (07/12/13 05:32 AM)

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#440704 - 07/12/13 08:01 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1250
Loc: New York
Hey Ken

No complaints coming from me, unfortunately I know what you mean. I guess we're on the same wavelength, it doesn't matter how we get there as long as we're numb and out of it. I'm sorry we have to go that route just to find a little peace while we're here frown.

Be safe please

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#440737 - 07/12/13 04:37 PM . [Re: BraveFalcon]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#440763 - 07/13/13 03:47 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio

BraveFalcon,

Seems to me your brother has presented you with an opportunity to grow, as he's doing himself. Getting and staying sober from booze or drugs is no easy accomplishment, to do so in an environment where others are using, even more difficult. It's good of him to stay until the lease is up and great that he's being honest with you. Seems like the kind of person who would be a good ally to have in recovery from anything.

You've said it's not an option for you, but perhaps you might reconsider sobriety for yourself, it's pretty beneficial in dealing with all kinds of things in better ways, including clearing your mind and working on sexual abuse issues. You might even save enough money by not buying alcohol to help pay for living more independently and having your own pet cats. As you've said other choices seem a step backwards, perhaps it's time to make things better for yourself, not just static or much worse.

Best of luck on what's next, I truly hope things turn out okay for you. I've lost a few friends who succeeded at what you've expressed as your wish, I miss them terribly and would've liked to have grown sober, older and wiser with them. I'll bet there are a lot of people who would miss you too.

Gary
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#440770 - 07/13/13 09:51 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: 1.healing]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL
Originally Posted By: JoeSmith
Brave:
I can't believe you drink as much as you do! Because you are one of the sanest and most rational and intelligent people I've seen on this site. You never even "sound" drunk or out of it. I don't drink at all, so I have no idea what a lot is in terms of beer. But If you're passing out on the floor though, Ken, this is not funny, I have no idea what the solution would be but I would just suggest to you not to look at drinking on a regular basis until you pass out on the floor as just some minor issue. For such a smart and talented guy, I hate to be the negative killjoy here, but I'm just thinking of you when I say I'm concerned if you are having this problem to this degree


Hi Greg. Wow, in this post you called me intelligent, rational, sane and talented. Thanks, although a lot of that isn't really true. Not at all. Rational I'll accept. I am probably one of the most rational people there is and I know it. Intelligent I'm not so sure about. Wise, maybe. Intelligent, not so much. People have been telling me how intelligent I am since I was a little kid and I can't seem to do any-fucking-thing but prove them wrong. It would almost be less frustrating if people would just tell me I'm stupid and useless. Then at least my life would make sense. Sane I'm definitely not. I don't know what I could have ever done or said to give anyone that idea. Talented, even less than sane. If I were as half as intelligent, sane and talented as I am rational, I'd be a very rich and successful man.

I may not seem like I'm drunk on here but I often am. (Not right now. I just woke up.) I'm pretty good at typing shit out when I'm wasted. Although I don't normally get on here when I'm blackout, pass-out-on-the-floor drunk. As far as drinking until I pass out on the floor then waking up the next day not remembering how I got there, meh, it is what it is. Yeah, it's not healthy, but it's just kind of what I do. (On the weekends.)

Originally Posted By: 1.healing

You might even save enough money by not buying alcohol to help pay for living more independently and having your own pet cats. As you've said other choices seem a step backwards, perhaps it's time to make things better for yourself, not just static or much worse.

Best of luck on what's next, I truly hope things turn out okay for you. I've lost a few friends who succeeded at what you've expressed as your wish, I miss them terribly and would've liked to have grown sober, older and wiser with them. I'll bet there are a lot of people who would miss you too.


Hi Gary. Yeah, I'd save an extra $150 to $175 a month by not drinking but even that wouldn't be enough to live on my own. That would take several hundred extra dollars a month. Besides, what good would being able to afford my own place be if I were sober and miserable all the time? Believe me, I've tried sobriety before. It was called the first 17 years of my life and it sucked, big time. My life still sucks now but at least I can get tanked every once in a while. It may kill me eventually, but I made peace with that fact long ago. Thanks for responding guys. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#440778 - 07/13/13 12:21 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1250
Loc: New York
Hey Ken,

People are really worried about you and greg is a great example of what someone else feels for you. I couldn't have said it better than him. I suck as being an example because I don't listen to what people say just like you don't listen. But like you say "it's just kind of what I do". I understand that we just have to get away from ourselves for a little while.

There were a couple of items you mention that aren't true or shouldn't be thought of. One, is that you would rather someone say you were useless and stupid. Well my mother always told me that, I remember her yelling at me that I'm worthless and won't amount to anything because I don't listen to her. She's the biggest prick in my life. She would tell me that she doesn't understand how smart I am but I'll end up wasting my life because I don't listen to her. When you were called Intelligent, sane and talented it was used as a hammer to fuck you up with. They didn't give a shit about you besides trying to belittle you. Two, as far as being rich, you see a lot of fucken rich guys that are as stupid as a doorknob. I know a lot of smart people, all of them here on MS. They all have issues but are really intelligent and sweet people that have the brains to try and solve their issues - you are one of them. We all worry about each other and when someone has issues like your it hurts and we try and help. That's what makes us "real" brothers, we really and truly worry about each other.

Love ya Ken, and we worry about you.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
<3 XOXO
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#440789 - 07/13/13 03:32 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
BraveFalcon,

I know you have a very difficult time feeling it, most of us do, but you're cared about by a lot of guys here. Greg and Jeff express beautifully how much you mean to them and I don't know you really at all and I find your honesty and insight very compelling.

I think we could all rationalize with you how much we like you, care about what happens to you, wish you'd take better care of yourself and all, but it's hard for you to hear it, feel it, or both. Ken said that, like him, you don't listen, but I think it's more like you and he really can't listen, can't hear. It's like that for a lot of us, seems maybe it comes from the disconnection we learned while being abused; it's our minds and hearts; our thoughts and feelings being out of sync with each other and with the here and now, with the past and with the present.

It's a survival skill that served us well during our abuse, but one that's no longer needed and gets in the way of us living today. You said that seventeen years of living in reality, sober was enough for you and that kind of reality, your early life, certainly would be enough for anyone! I'm sorry you had to go through such a bad time, it's especially unfair that a kid has to know the pain and hardship you did, it should never be, should have never been that way for you. Should not have been that way for Jeff or Greg either or anyone here.

What do we do with all of that today, though?; do we just let it consume us and finish us off for good? I don't want my abusers to win, they got enough of me already and they sure aren't going to get anymore, especially not my actual life. Sometimes I barely feel alive, but I am and I bounce back from the darker times and try to do better, try to continue healing.

You already know that some of us think you should try something different, something better for you. Can't tell you it will be easy, or that it will always work, but there's got to be something better than what you're doing now and certainly better than your past. You are worth it, you are important to us and maybe one day you'll know that and even feel it for yourself.

Just saying, Ken, and hoping for better times for you.

Gary

_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#440803 - 07/13/13 06:47 PM . [Re: BraveFalcon]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#441090 - 07/16/13 07:44 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. (Update) [Re: JoeSmith]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL

Hi Guys. First of all, thank you for all of the super nice comments and support. I'm sorry that I've made other people worry about me but I appreciate that anyone would say they do. It just means they care and I understand that. I get why some of the things I've said would make people worry but I'm going to be alright. When it comes to the amount I drink, I've been doing it for a long time and am definitely what you would call a seasoned professional. Yeah, it's not all that healthy but I know how to keep myself out of trouble when I'm drunk and never get behind the wheel when I've been drinking. I know drinking until you black-out isn't responsible, but I am as responsible about it as one could realistically be.

Now for the little update.

I spent Saturday night through Monday morning at my parents house and told them about my brother moving out on me. The good news is, I didn't even have to ask if I could move back in with them, because my dad told me I was welcome to before I could even get it out of my mouth. That was a relief, because I wasn't looking forward to asking. So, at least that's out of the way, which takes a little bit of the pressure off. Now I just have to figure out what my other options may be. I'll keep you guys updated. Thanks again. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#441112 - 07/16/13 11:22 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. (Update) [Re: BraveFalcon]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1250
Loc: New York
Hey Ken,

At least you have a place to hang your hat. I know that you were worried about asking, I saw that it bothered you very much.

Are you looking for options so that you don't have to go to your parents? At least from the answer your parents told you it would seem that you were welcome anytime which is very nice of them. I know it's a bit awkward but at least it's a big option.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#441114 - 07/16/13 11:44 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. (Update) [Re: lapchinj]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL
Originally Posted By: lapchinj

Are you looking for options so that you don't have to go to your parents?


Hi Jeff. Yeah, I've got a few other possible options floating around out there but I haven't really begun to explore any of them yet. I'll be doing that in the next few months. At least I have some time to figure things out. We'll see what happens. Thanks. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#441121 - 07/17/13 02:03 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. (Update) [Re: BraveFalcon]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1250
Loc: New York
Hey Ken,

At least you have an ace up your sleeve to play if needed. It's just really nice of your parents, I suppose you get along with them OK.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#441204 - 07/17/13 09:23 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
Dave PNW Offline


Registered: 04/03/13
Posts: 121
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Ken, sorry to hear about your problems with your living situation. Our homes are our sanctuary. Reading through your posts on this and recalling the one where you posted your pictures of your apartment made me realize how much this sucks. Facing the prospect of living with someone who doesn't know you plus the loss of the emotional support of the cats and I get it. I am sorry friend. Hard stuff.
You have come to my aid several times, wish there was something I could do. You say you have a couple of months. That's good, time increases the options for a beneficial outcome. You have some "possible options floating around". When things like this happen, we can feel powerless, but one of the best ways to lessen this feeling is to work on solutions. Even if they don't pan out they will likely lead to more possibilities. It helps us feel at least a bit more in control every time we do it. Finding a good sanctuary for Ken is important work. You deserve it.

The only thing I can relate to your situation was the feelings I have had in the past in some dead end civil service jobs, working for people I didn't respect and in places I hated living in. But I remember every time I looked for another job or dumped an application in the mail or networked, I felt like I got just a bit more control over my life. The only way for you to get some sense of control out of this bad situation is to start chasing down those options.

Moving in with your parents might turn out to be the best option for you, but if you don't get out there and try some of these leads you won't be able to really know that. I understand and feel for you. Wish you well on this. Dave

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#441209 - 07/17/13 09:42 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: Dave PNW]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL

Hi Dave. Thanks man. Yeah, having six months definitely gives me a leg up on things. I have a few ideas as far options to consider but I probably won't post about them unless and until I actually explore them. We'll see where it goes. The worst part of all this is that I'm going to miss the cats and that I really like my place the way I have it set up now. Whether I move in with my parents or someone else, a lot of that shit is obviously going to have to go into boxes and maybe a storage space for god knows how long. That is unless I can find an acceptable and reliable roommate to move in here and take my brother's place but I just don't have anyone on the radar at the moment. Thanks again. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#454500 - 11/19/13 09:10 PM And It Just Keeps Getting Better. New Update [Re: BraveFalcon]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL

Hi guys. Been a long time since I posted about this and I suppose I owe everyone an update. I almost took this to Off Topic because it's not really directly CSA related. However, a lot of the issues this dilemma raises are more or less CSA related, so I decided to bump this old thread instead of starting a new one in a different forum.

I know when I started this thread I said that there was no way in hell I'd ever even consider taking on a roommate I didn't know but, as the hour of truth draws near, I am beginning to soften my stance on that. My brother and I put in our 60 day notice to vacate the apartment about two weeks ago and the landlady said I had until the week of Christmas to sign a new lease and stay. After that, the apartment will be put back up on the market and I will have to move.

Recently I've been using Facebook to try and put out the word that I'm looking for someone to be my roommate and it hasn't yielded any results. I figure through FB I may be able to find someone I at least somewhat know but it hasn't worked. That has me starting to look towards, dare I say it...... fucking Craig's List. Ugh. frown

The idea of moving in with someone I don't know well really scares me and the idea of moving in with someone I don't know at all scares me even more. Firstly, it scares me for all the reasons it would scare normal people. It could be a total disaster. I could wind up hating them and we could wind up making each other's lives a living hell. Secondly, it scares me for the reasons it scares fucked-up little old me. Only a few people in the world know all about me, know what my issues are, and know just how fucked-up I am. Letting some random person into my life and letting them that close to me and to all my secrets seems unthinkable, but here I am, on the verge of doing just that. My God. eek

At this point there are really only three options on the table. To say I'm between a rock and a hard place here would be understating things by a lot.

Option 1: Find some random schmo to be my roommate and stay here.

The negatives are that I have to dive headlong into the murky and frightening waters of living with a stranger and take on all the potential risk that entails. Also, I will still have a bitch of a commute to work that makes me miserable. Not to mention that I won't be saving any money and will continue to struggle financially.

The positives are that I don't have to go through the extreme hassle and expense of moving. Also, I don't and won't have to worry about storing or selling any of my stuff.

Option 2: Move in with my parents for an indefinite period of time.

The negatives are that I will be 38 years old and living with my parents. I will feel like I've taken a huge step backwards in life. I will naturally have to give up a ton of privacy and independence. My commute will be even worse than it is now. I will have to store or sell most of my stuff. I'll probably opt for selling most of it because nothing I have is that valuable anyway. The only things I have that are really valuable are my 42" LCD television and my gaming systems. Those I would keep. Everything else I own, (furniture etc), I could easily replace with equivalent items at a Goodwill or Salvation Army store for a couple of hundred dollars, which is what it would cost me to store all of those same items for just a couple of months. So, sell it will probably be.

The (one) positive is that I could save a shit load of money. I could pay off my car within a year and also save up more than enough money to replace all my belongings with equivalent belongings. Granted, that is a pretty damn big positive but I'm really not sure it's even worth it considering what I'd have to give up in the time being.

(As an aside, if option 1 or 2 wind up being what happens, I will probably start looking for another job to remedy the commute problem, but I don't want to look for another job until I know for sure where I'm going to be living. Also, if I wind up living with my parents, I really don't want to get a job near where they live, establish myself out there again and risk getting stuck there. They still live in the suburb I grew up in and I fucking hate it out there. I swore I'd never move back to that damn town. I suppose I'll have to work on crossing that bridge when I get to it though.)

Option 3: Find someone renting a room I can afford near the job-sites I work at now.

The negatives are all the same as the negatives of option 1, minus the commute. Also some of the negatives of option 2. I would probably have to sell most of my stuff as I would only be renting a room and I have a full apartment's worth of stuff. I would still have to go through the hassle and expense of moving, and I wouldn't save any money.

The positive.... no commute and I wouldn't have to look for another job. Probably not going to go with this option unless I somehow found an affordable situation that was somehow just perfect. Not likely. Especially considering that the area I'd need to move to, (Sandy Springs, GA) is a more expensive area than the one I live in now.

Whatever happens, I'm trying to keep in mind that it won't be the end of the world. I'm trying my best not to catastrophize the whole thing, which is normally my default mode of thinking. Inevitably I have some challenges that lay ahead of me and probably some major headaches, but I'm going to be ok. Whatever happens, I'm going to get through it somehow and I'm going to survive, just like I always have. Peace,

Ken

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#454594 - 11/20/13 10:40 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. New Update [Re: BraveFalcon]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 759
Loc: Southeast USA
Ken,

I know you'll find a solution…and if I hear of anything apartment or job-related I'll pass it along to you in a PM.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#454634 - 11/21/13 11:32 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. New Update [Re: BraveFalcon]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1250
Loc: New York
Hey Will,

That's really sweet of you to do that. This brotherhood we all belong to is something wonderful for all of us. Kudos

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
Jeff


Edited by lapchinj (11/21/13 11:33 AM)
Edit Reason: Couldn't spell "Will :crazy:
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#454643 - 11/21/13 01:24 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. New Update [Re: Suwanee]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL

Will, thank you so much for offering to do that. I really appreciate it. Please don't go out of your way though, Kay? Thanks. Peace,

Ken

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