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#440509 - 07/09/13 08:32 PM And It Just Keeps Getting Better. (Updated)
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL
My life fucking sucks. I hate it, but as long as things are relatively stable, I can handle it. Things have been mostly stable for a few years now, but that may be about to change.

Last Sunday, my brother, who has been my roommate for the last four years, told me that after our lease is up at the end of the year he is no longer going to be able to live with me. The reason, he quit drinking about three moths ago and I did not. He says he needs to live in an alcohol-free environment as soon as possible. I am trying not to be mad and am trying to understand, but it is hard. I will say that I'm not very surprised though. I pretty much knew this was coming when he started saying "I have to get sober", which was a long time before he did.

The problem is, I don't really have anywhere else to go. I know a couple of people who could be potential roommates but not ones who I think I can trust to be able to make half of the rent and bills reliably. Living alone isn't an option as I can barley afford to live with a roommate splitting the rent and bills let alone take them all on myself. Finding a roommate on Criag's List or something like that is absolutely not an option for me. My brother knows all my secrets and is familiar with all of my issues. He's used to my neurotic, basket-case craziness. Cohabitating with a person who does not know those things and is not used to them wouldn't work out. No fucking way.

The only other option....... ugh...... move back in with my parents. I'm 38 years old and I may have to move back in with my parents. The good news is, I'm pretty sure they'd be ok with it. The bad news is, I'd be 38 and living with my parents. Also, I'd be even further away from the job sites I have to commute to every day. I already spend about two hours commuting each and every day, (one hour both ways), and that's pretty miserable as it is. The only other really bright spot I can see living with my parents would be that I'd be able to spend all the money I'm currently spending on rent and bills on paying off my car loan and pay it off in probably a year instead of the three I have remaining on the payment plan. Still, I really don't want to take that big a step backwards in life at this stage, especially with no exit strategy, but I may have no other choice.

I don't guess I can really blame my brother. I suppose it's hard enough to stay sober when you don't have to come home from work on the weekends to find your brother passed out drunk on the kitchen floor. I'm trying not to be selfish and be proud of him. It's just not that easy when his decision to try and improve his life is likely going to fuck up mine. I suppose that makes me a bit of a selfish prick but oh well. I have my own problems to worry about. Peace,

Ken

PS. Oh yeah, and all those pics I've posted of my cats.... those are actually his cats... so I'll miss the kitties too. cry


Edited by BraveFalcon (11/19/13 07:25 PM)

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#440512 - 07/09/13 08:55 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
trytry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/13
Posts: 36
Loc: Wisconsin
Don't really have much to say that'd help... but I know the feeling... we're in the middle of trying to move out too because the management won't fix some major problems with the apartment, it's stressful, not knowing what will happen or what things will be like at a different place, or how we will be able to afford it, not having a place that feels like home (for a few days at least). It's understandable that your brother doesn't want to be around alcohol, tho it does leave you in a tough spot, but I'm sure you'll get it figured out, try not to worry too much.

Best of luck.

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#440516 - 07/09/13 10:22 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York

That's a rotten dilemma and I'm sorry you're facing it.

It would be a real blow to your ego to move in with your parents, but I'm more worried about your commute. Long commute times are an under-appreciated cause of emotional stress, sleep disorders, weight disorders... anything more than 40 mins either direction is bad for you.

Can you try drinking not at home? Like, drink only at bars or in the garage or something? A cooler in the trunk of your car?
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#440528 - 07/10/13 12:55 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
There's not a lot I can say that will help either, but I am sorry for the added stress in your life. It's a lot to worry about. One suggestion is maybe you could negotiate with him for custody of one of the cats.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#440538 - 07/10/13 07:52 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
I'm sorry for such news Ken, but I like what SoccerStar said about considering stop drinking while being at home, is that possible?
I know it is terrible to have such uncertainties waiting in future.
Anyway I'm impressed by your brother's determination to stop drinking and deal with it. It is very inspiring for me seeing someone wanting to bring life to control.
I hope everything will be alright for you in all this.

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#440551 - 07/10/13 10:10 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1248
Loc: New York
Hey Ken,

I hear what your saying but your brother has to kick the bottle. It's hard to go dry, I had the same problem with drugs and a 3 pack a day smoking habit. So it would be hard for your brother trying to straighten out. Is there anyway that you could go off in your own room and drink until you get the urge to stop? Instead of passing out in the kitchen do it in your room.

I must admit that after I fell apart 2-1/2 years ago I drank about 1/2 qt of whiskey a night. Now I'm into weed witch for me is a lot better. I just need to remove myself from the present for a while. Sort of a vacation from my shit. I so take Oxy but if I don't have the money then it's just the week. I think my cutting had started because I didn't have the money for drugs. I used to be a speed freak and all it did over the years was leave me a bunch of stumps in my mouth. Not a fucken whole tooth all of them down to the gums.

I really don't have any answers Ken it's hard but you have to realize that your brother is trying to sober up and that's hard enough. I would have a good long talk with your brother and see how you can come to some agreement between the two of you. If you get along good with each other I'm sure that you can come up with some common ground. Find something else to get high on. Or just spend the drinking time in a bar.

Is there a possibility of your two working together to get dry?

Good luck, I'll ask around to see if anyone at work has any ideas

I do write down what I want to talk about but then I'm ashamed to so we talk about something else. I have to write him up about what when on in school gym. I think I can do that and add it to my timeline.

Wow that's a great gesture on you part. That's really nice.

Yeah I'm in my Dungeon/bunker. Please don't worry about me, it's not worth the time and effort. It's going to be hard to get a good night's rest it's already 3:45am but I'm thinking of coming in late. Just can't take all the shit.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#440561 - 07/10/13 11:51 AM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 758
Loc: Southeast USA
Ken,

This is a crappy development. There isn't a better way to say it.
I don't know that I have that much to add that others haven't already mentioned.

Perhaps you could make an inventory of your needs, your brother's concerns and an old-fashioned pro-con list of options. Put on paper, you may see a better option emerge. It's good to have options tho...

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#440572 - 07/10/13 02:11 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 05:28 PM)

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#440592 - 07/10/13 06:41 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: BraveFalcon]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 605
Ken,

Sorry to hear about your situation - a lot of crappy things seem to have come together for you.

I don't have much to add to what others have said, except that since your brother is moving out at the end of the year, it may not seem like it now, but you do have some time to figure things out. When problems come down on you all it once, I think it's a bit easy to lose a sense of time and feel like the world's going to end tomorrow...but it's not, it won't, and it never will. You still have a good few months to weigh your options and make a good decision. It's tough now but I know you'll make the right one, and things will get better. Take care Ken.
_________________________
Husky

My Story

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#440611 - 07/10/13 10:51 PM Re: And It Just Keeps Getting Better. [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL
Hi guys. Thanks for all the suggestions. I know there isn't really much else that can be said. It is what it is. I almost didn't even post about this because I wasn't sure what the point would be but it is a fairly significant development in my life so I went ahead and shared.

I honestly don't think relegating my drinking to my room or whatever would really work. First of all, because it's to restricting for me and second, because it's not just seeing me drink that's a problem for my bro, it's being around me when I have been drinking and having booze in the house at all. Drinking in a bar is far to expensive. Shit, I can barley afford to drink in a bar once a month, let alone every night. If I could afford that I could afford to pay rent and bills on my own in the first place, LOL!

Living at my parents place would require even more commuting, which would suck, but what's another 20-40 minutes a day in the car when you already spend a total of over 2 hours a day sitting in soul-numbing traffic?

The cats? Well, they're his. I love them like they're mine, but they're his. I wouldn't try to do some kind of a joint custody thing even if I could. I don't think that would be fair to the cats. If I do wind up at my parents place, taking them over there would be completely out of the question anyway. My mom has a little toy Chihuahua named Rita and these two big, grey tabbies would fucking eat her in about 10 minutes. I wouldn't do that to Rita.

Me going dry is not an option and never will be. I am going to drink until my liver explodes or until something else kills me first. I won't give up the one thing that gives me any joy or that temporarily stops all the fucking chaos in my head. Not now, not ever.

Anyway, thanks for listening and thanks again for the replies. I'll figure something out. Take care. Peace,

Ken


Edited by BraveFalcon (07/10/13 10:52 PM)

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