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#440257 - 07/07/13 12:09 AM Nightmares !
Wife - Survivor Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 38
Loc: PA
How many MS have bad nightmares ? How many wives are clueless what to do ? Do you wake them up ? Do you tell them what they said ? He & I deserve better sleep. Input please. TY
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Everyone DESERVES Recovery, IF they WANT it.
Anything worth it, takes mucho Time & Willingness.

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#440270 - 07/07/13 10:15 AM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 594
How many? many.
My wife wakes me up.
We do not talk about the dream. We talk about the good things in our present life. Keeping an arsenal in your head of happy things about the present, how it is different and better from the past, and how strong he is, can help a lot. Tell him what he said if he asks, but don't volunteer it if he is ok just moving on. Don't have a lengthy conversation in the middle of the night unless it is really needed, but also don't force sleep if it won't come. Wake him up softly, talk about some positive element of the day before and the days to come, give him the chance to talk about the dream if he wants, and then focus on relaxing without pressure to actually sleep.

I have also found that making sure there is plenty of air-flow and that the room isn't too dry helps to avoid bad dreams.

If it continues to be a problem, you may eventually want to talk about medication. I would NOT recommend sleep medication, at least in my case those just made my dreams worse. But consider a low strength anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication.

Wow, I just realized I have a lot to say today so I'll end by saying this is just what has helped me and it might not work for anyone else. Good luck.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#440294 - 07/07/13 03:51 PM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
trytry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/13
Posts: 36
Loc: Wisconsin
Nearly every single time I sleep, seems like it happens to a lot of us. There's a lot of good advice in Jacob's post.

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#440405 - 07/08/13 06:32 PM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 340
My H did. They went away after therapy....well, not entirely went away but they changed in a better sense.

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#441419 - 07/19/13 09:36 PM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
lostpartner32 Offline


Registered: 06/18/12
Posts: 16
Loc: southeast
When my husband first told me about the abuse he had really bad nightmares. He has been seeing a therapist for a while, did some emery therapy and they are very rare now.

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#441670 - 07/21/13 11:46 PM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Nightmares, night terrors, sleep walking, sleep eating.., the list is long. I was very active at night. I have argued at length with my wife(she was wearing that darn potato dress again!), I have got up and opened windows, turned down the air conditioning, lights on, lights off, blankets on and ran outside in the winter in Wisconsin and fled from my house turning into a monster.

When I am under stress I find I have night terrors, nondescript events that have me usually waking up, opening shades and looking out windows, trying to calm myself from anxiety. Sometimes the imagined anxiety is really out there, like science fiction out there, sometimes it is about people I know watching me sleep.

When I open a dialog with my wife, she is agreeable and attempts to bring closure to the event. If I am unreasonable she tells me she is frightened and I become aware enough to end the event. These are very unsettling at first and can be intense, but these events will become manageable and diffusible.

I would encourage not arguing with the survivor, being confrontational or attempting to startle the survivor awake. Be honest as the supporter in the current state of mind.

My $0.02,
Sam
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#441717 - 07/22/13 08:19 AM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3388
Loc: somewhere in Africa
i used to have nightmares. i would stay up LATE trying to sleep as little as possible. once i revealed the CSA to my wife and i started therapy it was easier to deal with because i could talk about it without hiding the details.

the best way we found of dealing with it was she would hug me and tell me i was safe - ask if i wanted to talk about it. sometimes that would calm me enough. i would also talk about it with my T and write about it in my journal or in poems. i think the fear of being exposed was a big part of the nightmares - almost as much as the long-past events.

"new" memories came back in dreams sometimes too. now that i think all the abuse episodes have been brought to light, i rarely have nightmares any more.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#441737 - 07/22/13 11:59 AM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: traveler]
Wife - Survivor Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 38
Loc: PA
Thanks to all - I agree, it always goes back to getting all the stuff out in T. Sorry it's rather crude but I once heard a wise old man say "ya can't hold in diarrhea-it has to come out or ya stay infected". TY for the inputs - it did reinforce my feelings.
_________________________
Everyone DESERVES Recovery, IF they WANT it.
Anything worth it, takes mucho Time & Willingness.

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#446884 - 09/11/13 02:37 AM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
Joy1980 Offline


Registered: 12/20/11
Posts: 11
Glad to hear they might go away after T. We're 1.5 years into T and H still has nightmares every single night. Gives me hope that might not be forever.

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#446892 - 09/11/13 09:08 AM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6411
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Nightmares = Frequent (nightly likely but not sure)

Severity = About one or two a week a mind-blowing bad. When I'm in a bad bad cycle, some of the nightmares will cause peeing myself from fear...either in the bed or taking cover along side the bed. Figure about 20-40/yr.

Refuge & Rescue = And that's what I know I need, is "refuge and rescue." It takes me a while to wake myself up to get out of the nightmare, then it can take a while to understand when and where I am; starting with my childhood home.

Key-Words or Safety-Calls (same thing) are a word or phrase that I would recognize that my wife would use to help me find the here-n-now much (MUCH) more quickly.

Not having anyone in my life to play that role now, I have a particularly hard time with the bad ones.

SOME psychotropic meds are said to work:

Klonopin - if they are anxiety-triggered. I agree through experience.
Depacote (sp?) - is on my daily menu and was purported to help nightmares for many people. Not with me.
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