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#440225 - 07/06/13 02:04 PM No more kids
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 736
Loc: Southeast USA
My wife and I have two healthy and happy kids. Our oldest is in elementary school and our youngest will start first grade this fall.

This past week, my wife's friend visited for a couple of hours with her 5 month old baby. The woman and her husband already have two kids who are about the same age as our own, so the latest edition was something of a surprise. We always thought two kids was plenty for us, but since my wife held her friend's baby, she has been holding up baby outfits and saying "how cute" they are. She says she doesn't want another baby, but it has really been a topic of conversation this week.

Here's the thing...how can I say this...I took one for the team after our son was born. I got a vasectomy almost seven years ago, so I can't give her another baby. The whole procedure was slightly triggering. We went through a period of wanting another baby about three years after I had the snip. We looked into a reversal, but the urologist said mine was not likely reversible because of the thoroughness of the original surgeon's handiwork. A reversal is expensive regardless of whether it works or not---so he told us to save our money.

My wife isn't asking for a baby, but I'm still feeling a bit off about the whole sterilization thing---seven years later. Logically, I know our family is complete, but I think just hearing an expert's opinion saying there's no way to put things back togther bugs me. They always warn guys to consider it permanent since reversals aren't guaranteed. It's an interesting mix of CSA(the way something was taken) twinges of regret, and turning 41 last month. I guess I need to just go ahead and buy that red convertible...if this is the first stirrings of middle age.

Except for my knees, I'm in good shape. I swim, hike, canoe and generally act like a big kid sometimes. I think I have a youthful outlook.

Just wondering out loud...

Will
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#440230 - 07/06/13 02:45 PM Re: No more kids [Re: Suwanee]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1133
Loc: The ATL

Hi Will. You mean you didn't already buy the red convertible? cool

Sorry to hear about this man. I guess it's always hard to make an irreversible decision and later on regret it. My brother actually had a vasectomy after their third kid and it didn't work. Thing is, they didn't find out that it didn't work until after my sister in law discovered she was preggers with my new nephew who was born last week. Since then, my brother has had his vasectomy redone.

I guess at the end of the day, just try to look at it as now you'll be able to focus more love and attention on the two kids you already have. By the way, I'm sure they're lucky as hell to have a dude like you as their father. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#440232 - 07/06/13 03:42 PM Re: No more kids [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 736
Loc: Southeast USA
Ken,

Thanks for the nod of approval. Neither one of us wants another baby. There's more to consider than finances, but we're looking ahead at raising our two kids while planning for braces, proms and college while also trying to make sure there's something for us in retirement. A baby now would really impact a plan that is already in motion to do all of this.

We love our kids--but we both know a baby right now would be quite an adjustment. Truth be told, I fear your brother's situation more than not being able to have kids again. We would be thrilled but...

No, no red convertible for me. I'm still too young, it's not my style, and how would I haul a canoe around? I remember when my dad went through a phase...lots of brochures for cars kept showing up until he finally bought something. I was in high school by then.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#440237 - 07/06/13 05:58 PM Re: No more kids [Re: Suwanee]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 333
Loc: Iowa, USA
Will,

I don't have any kids myself, which actually allows me to relate to your situation. I'll look at my siblings and their kids, and ask myself if I'd made the right decision. I'll be out and about just about anywhere and see families with kids and think about what I've missed out on, and also the opposite, what have I gained. The old cliche is true at times - "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."

It sounds like the issue isn't whether you want to have another baby, it appears that you're struggling with the fact that you aren't making the decision, it's been made for you by virtue of the vasectomy.

I hope that you'll be able to come to peace with this. Perhaps this incident will help you become closer to your wife and kids and more fully appreciate what you do have. Best of luck to you

Dave

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#440239 - 07/06/13 06:29 PM Re: No more kids [Re: DavoSwim]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 736
Loc: Southeast USA
Originally Posted By: DavoSwim


It sounds like the issue isn't whether you want to have another baby, it appears that you're struggling with the fact that you aren't making the decision, it's been made for you by virtue of the vasectomy.


Yeah,
I always like options. To be sure, we both thought this whole thing through before I had it done. I'm comfortable with the decision, it's just too bad I don't have an ON/OFF switch to suit my mood. I've only pondered this a couple of times before:

Being told that my umm...sample tested "all-clear." It hit me for a bit afterward.
Being told by a specialist that it was highly unlikely to be successfully reversed.

The decision is made and it is still in effect---but it's a decision I made. This too shall pass. Since I work hard to keep in shape and stay young, this is simply one of those things that just aren't possible---so it's a part of the larger picture of getting older. You know, these knees of mine also don't allow me to catch for that adult baseball team (the one that asked me to play). I just have to admit it's time to mourn the past and celebrate the present. Wow, CSA does fit in here doesn't it? ....Still working on that one.

Maybe all this rain has made me pensive...

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#440253 - 07/06/13 11:04 PM Re: No more kids [Re: Suwanee]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
I've thought more and more about getting the snip... it seems to be so mainstreamed and no-big-dealed in our culture today. Jason Jones had his recorded and played on The Daily Show - censored on TV but uncensored for the studio audience. It's just one of those things guys seem to do when they're either at a certain age, or know another baby would financially ruin them, or both.

Since the decision is over and irreversible, it might be helpful to view the counterfactual - pretend you were born sterile and somehow produced two kids through very expensive and intrusive miracles of biology and science. And that miracles just won't happen again.

This might not help but - I'm sure you did the right thing.


Matt
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"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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