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#440058 - 07/04/13 03:12 PM Re: Moral Decay - Seeing Perp. (Mother) Next Week [Re: concerned_husky]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1562
Loc: California
C. Husky,

You're going to be okay. You have brothers here that know and understand your quandary and angst at life. You're safe here.

D

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#440151 - 07/05/13 06:18 PM Re: Moral Decay - Seeing Perp. (Mother) Next Week [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 702
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/31/15 10:27 PM)
Edit Reason: Reducing ties with MS.

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#440174 - 07/05/13 10:42 PM Re: Moral Decay - Seeing Perp. (Mother) Next Week [Re: concerned_husky]
GT13568 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 138
Loc: California, 93451
Hi Husky,

I read your poem "My Story" and I am blown away by it. I can't imagine the horrible things that were done to you. I am also blown away by your eloquence in telling the story. Every line rings true, all of your anger, pain, and confusion comes through, loud and clear. I recognize them all in my life, through your words.

Here again, even under duress, you share in such an open and direct manner. It must be so difficult to spend time with the perpetrator of the crimes against you. I'm very sorry you must do it.

I believe in you. Your words give me insight and strength. I think that to give these things to others, one must have them oneself. I bet you do. Good luck Husky.
_________________________
I won the moment he hurt me, because he poisoned his soul, and I did not poison mine. I did not hurt anyone. He did. He was the perp. He tried to make me into a victim, but I became a survivor. Yes.

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#440207 - 07/06/13 08:56 AM Re: Moral Decay - Seeing Perp. (Mother) Next Week [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 702
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/31/15 10:27 PM)
Edit Reason: Reducing ties with MS.

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#440223 - 07/06/13 01:54 PM Re: Moral Decay - Seeing Perp. (Mother) Next Week [Re: concerned_husky]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 302
Loc: MO
Hi Husky

The simple fact for me was that I could not confront my parents in a manner which would allow me to live (my confrontation that I wanted to perform was to kill them). I certainly wasn't going to be honest with them.

You have your goals, is being honest with your mother more valuable than achieving your goals? There are strategies to learn to reduce the level of abuse and manipulation that you need to accept. But, learning and developing new strategies in the middle of harassment is absurd.

I am sorry that you need to get drunk to cope, but that is how I coped for 27 years so it may become an unnecessary coping mechanism as it has for me.

The idea that being dishonest is a sign of moral decay, is a very rigid standard.
Honesty without compassion is just another form of abuse.

She is not someone you can be honest with and compassionate. A) she would be too defensive; B) you have little compassion for her.

Sorry you have such limited choices. But, you have goals that are where you investing your life today. I hope reaching your goals is the reward you are looking for

Go with God

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#440227 - 07/06/13 02:26 PM Re: Moral Decay - Seeing Perp. (Mother) Next Week [Re: concerned_husky]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 05:20 PM)

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#440228 - 07/06/13 02:27 PM Re: Moral Decay - Seeing Perp. (Mother) Next Week [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 428
Loc: NY
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky
A little update - like the countless previous times I spoke with my mother, I got shitted on for four hours straight today, and am in the process of getting drunk while I write down a list of things she said and am trying to process it all.


Husky: One suggestion--write first, process later. Writing can help you look back at a later point from a safer distance.

Originally Posted By: concerned_husky

The most level-headed thing I can say at the moment is, there is still a lot of work that needs to be done on my character. It feels like I know a lot in my head about 'dealing' but applying it in real-life situations, like meeting your perpetrator who thinks nothing of treating you as an emotional dump for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours on end...especially trying to defend yourself in a second language, is not that easy.


Taking a moment from my own experience, simply being in the same room may not be easy. Try not to focus on what you are doing wrong, but as much as you can, on what is really happening.

Originally Posted By: concerned_husky

I'm probably going to be really embarrassed when I read this tomorrow but screw it.


You may be, but what about other feelings that haven't been able to breathe the light of day? Hope you can give them a chance to be known too.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#440229 - 07/06/13 02:34 PM Re: Moral Decay - Seeing Perp. (Mother) Next Week [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1224
Loc: The ATL
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky

Every time I talk to her, it's like death has swept over and extinguished the last bit of fire that was burning in my heart. It takes a while to jump-start it again, but how many more times it'll ignite I'm not sure.


Hi Husky. Don't let your mom put that fire out man. Don't let her win. Just keep doing whatever you need to do to get through this and you will come out the other side. Eventually, you'll be free and it will all be worth it.

Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
Perps have no privileges. I don't think it even counts as a lie if you lie to them because they aren't entitled to your true self. If what you need from your mother is money, then mime your kabuki dance to make her pay up like a good mark and deny her your true self that she hurt so badly.

Just try to keep the lying "situational" - don't let it become a way of life.


I completely, 100% agree with this! Like I said, just do what ever it is you need to do to gain your freedom from her. If that involves lying and telling her what she wants to hear so you can continue to get the financial support you need, fine. She used and abused you, why should you not return the favor? As far as I'm concerned, your conscience should be clear. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#440231 - 07/06/13 03:21 PM . [Re: concerned_husky]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#440316 - 07/07/13 08:26 PM Re: Moral Decay - Seeing Perp. (Mother) Next Week [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 702
.


Edited by concerned_husky (08/31/15 10:27 PM)
Edit Reason: Reducing ties with MS.

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