I'm putting this in the OT forum because while night terrors can be a symptom / result of CSA, they can also strike people quite at random and not necessarily every survivor will get them either.
Wanted to see if anyone else had... experience... with these ghastly and all-consuming visions.
I've had several night terrors / hypnagogic episodes throughout the years. Some have subsequently blended together but I'll never forget the first. I was being chased through a giant abandoned hotel by a shadowy figure of pure evil. I fled the shadow long enough to return mostly to wakefulness: my eyes opened, I could look around and see my room, the world was "real". Except... I couldn't move. And the evil shadow had followed me into my room. It was actually two horrors simultaneously - a shadowy humanoid lurking right at my bedside and at the same time a gigantic black hand lowering from the ceiling to crush me. All this perfectly clearly with my eyes, and me hearing the desperate reedy moaning sounds which were all I could make instead of screaming - because with my whole body paralyzed, I couldn't flex my diaphram either. As my panic grew worse I got closer to wakefulness and was eventually able to move my body, clumsily. Now really more conscious than asleep I lurchingly rolled my way over to my lamp and turned it on.
For the briefest fraction of a second, the shadowman was still in my room next to me, in the full light. Then, nothing.
I did not scream - I could move but was now too purely terrified and in shock to make a sound. If I'd had a gun handy I'd have emptied the entire clip into the wall where I'd seen it. When all of your senses tell you something is really happening, how can you feel it as anything other than that thing really happening? Have never, ever forgotten the feeling. I am a scientist with a Master's degree and used to be a science teacher, but I've since been very sympathetic to the people who claim to have been abducted by aliens or, in prior centuries, attacked by vampires, witches, and succubi.
Does this sound at all familiar to anyone else? Anybody else here deal / have dealt with these?
"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny