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#44007 - 06/04/01 03:37 AM I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
Hi everyone. I spent the last several days writing down the details of my abuse. I've got 21 pages of notes. I've also started typing them out so that I can give them to the investigators working on my case. I will be meeting with them this week. Writing them out will be much easier than talking about every little detail. I want them to have all the information so they are ready for him when they sit him down for a "chat".

I will be watching the interview through a one way mirror (just like on T.V.). When they are finished with him, then its my turn. I still don't know what I'm going to say to him when I finally come face to face with him again. I guess thats my next project.

Thanks for the support!

Brian

[ 06-04-2001: Message edited by: Brian B14 ]


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#44008 - 06/04/01 04:25 PM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Brian,

Way to go, that is awesome!!! Keep it up dude!

\:\) \:\) \:\)

John

ps, we need a dancing smiley face around here, hehe

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#44009 - 06/04/01 09:19 PM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Anonymous
Unregistered


We're all behind you on this one. Remember, you are not that little boy that he abused so long ago, you are in control. You are right and he is wrong. You can speak and he is the one in trouble. Everything he may have said or did say, now falls back on him 10 fold.

Good job!!! \:D


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#44010 - 06/04/01 09:49 PM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Brian,

I been thinking about this since you posted it and something came to me, its my own stuff but i thought i would share my fantasy with you and everyone else.

Part of the problem i have today still is the mental image i have of my abuser that is stuck in my head, i was ten or so, he was six foot even and weighed about 225 or so, maybe more he was kinda heavy, anyways, he towered over me and scared me to death, the image i carry today is of him still towering over me and being a huge mass of a man, i know he almost lost a leg in a boating accident and is a mere shell of who he was, but that image is still there. One thing i would really like to do before i die is stand in front of him and just see him for who he is, now i am 6'4" and weigh just over 190, i am a big man, i am strong, i would like to stand in front of him and get a new mental image.

Now for the fantasy i have, i would like to be you, i would like to walk in that room in full unifrom, minus the gun, hehe, that would be too too tempting and just get me in trouble!, but i would want to walk in there and have him stand before me and just tell him that i have grown, and i owe him, and that some day i may just be the one to pull him over, and if it ever happens, well, lets just say i hope i have forgiven you by then, i hope i am in a real good mood, cus it will not be very good if i am mad or in a bad mood when i pull you over.

I think between the look on his face and the wetness of his pants i would be able to come up with a new mental image of him.

Oh well, so much for dreams!

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#44011 - 06/05/01 07:41 AM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
good am, guys. what a wonderful way to begin the day. and your beginning - "I'm a survivor", doesn't that say what we all are. I keep asking "why", but given what I've just read, I'll ask my counselor when I see him today wheere in this mess I'm in where I am. Brian b14, my hat is off to you. give him what he deserves. bosishere


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#44012 - 06/05/01 11:35 AM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Anonymous
Unregistered


Well done, Brian, I can't wait to hear how this turns out.

Mark 567


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#44013 - 06/05/01 02:41 PM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
!!!!!!GO FOR IT BRIAN!!!!! I KNOW YOU WILL BE STRONG AND HAVE YOUR DAY!! WE ARE ALL PULLING FOR YOU......PEACE TO YOU TONIGHT......SCOT


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#44014 - 06/11/01 09:38 AM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
I'm leaving in 10 minutes to speak to the investigators about the details of my abuse. I have a knot in my stomach. We are going to set up a plan of attack today. This thing is moving forward. I'm very nervous.

If anyone gets a moment today, please say a prayer for me.

Thank you,

Brian


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#44015 - 06/11/01 11:50 AM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Anonymous
Unregistered


Brian,

Hope that you are OK. With you in spirit.

Peace,

Jim


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#44016 - 06/11/01 11:50 AM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Anonymous
Unregistered


Brian,

Hope that you are OK. With you in spirit.

Peace,

Jim


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#44017 - 06/14/01 06:58 PM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Hope you are doing ok with all this going on in your life. One hour at a time can become one minute at a time. Thate care.

Glad you are doing this.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#44018 - 06/14/01 08:13 PM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Brian,

The boards been down or i would have replied earlier, you have been in my thoughts though, i knew it had to be coming up soon, i hope it all goes well,

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#44019 - 06/14/01 08:53 PM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
We are doing the interrogation in about 10 hours. He does have the legal right to decline to talk to us but the detective working with me is very skilled and persuasive. I have confidence that he will sit down and talk to him. We need to find out about his other victims. Then I will talk to him.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to say. It's the only time in my adult life that I have not been able to prepare for something. I'm sure I will be able to jot down a few points to talk about later tonight, but I feel very vulnerable right now.

I'm scared but I don't know what I'm scared of. I talked to my counselor this afternoon. He said that this was normal. I'm not use to being scared or not being in control. It's not normal for me.

At the same time, I can't wait for this to happen. I've waited 25 years for this day to come and it is here! I'm taking back my life. I'm not going to let him win. I'm going to live my life the way I want to. He has caused me so much anger, grief, fear, shame, guilt and loneliness. The remainder of my life is mine!!

I will tell everyone what happens. Thanks again for being so supportive to me. I can't tell you how much you all have helped me.

Brian


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#44020 - 06/14/01 11:07 PM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Anonymous
Unregistered


Brian,

I hope you are ok and will say send up a prayer for you tonight. I know this will be a big step forward for you.

Keep strong!!!

Daniel
-moving forward-->



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#44021 - 06/15/01 12:45 AM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
I just finished writing an outline of what I'm going to say tomorrow. I have to get up in 3 hours for the big event. I will talk more about it tomorrow night or Saturday.

Brian


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#44022 - 06/16/01 05:42 AM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
pondboy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 59
Loc: benicia, california, usa
Brian, my thoughts are with you. I certainly admire you and know that many wish they had your courage. today will be tough. no matter how it went, you did the right thing for you. I was forced to meet my abuser face to face when I was 14. we sat at the same table together. the insensitivity of now galls me 40 years later.keep us posted on how you are doing. chuck


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#44023 - 06/17/01 11:04 PM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Anonymous
Unregistered


God I wish I could have that kind of clarity.
God bless you for your courage and strength.

My brother is my abuser and I can't bing myself to anything more than tattletale to my parents about what he did. doing that was not satisfying as they quickly jump into denial mode and minimize my pain and I do not have the strength to sever all ties with them - not to mention be so bold as to press charges. I do not think the canadian legal system would assist me if I wanted to. He never quite abused me enough, and he was "only" five years older than me.

Thankyou for being a leader in survival.

SG


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#44024 - 06/17/01 11:29 PM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
I DID IT!!!!!

My confrontation went better than I ever could have imagined. It was absolutely perfect. I was nose to nose with him for over an hour. I was in charge. There was an incredible calm that came over me. My mind was so sharp and clear. I didn't think I had it in me!!

I have not had a chance to sit down and write out what happened. I made some notes last night. We had a murder in my jurisdiction early Saturday morning and I have put in 32 hours of Overtime in the past 2 days. I probably won't have much time over the next week. I can't wait until I have some time where I can slow down and reflect.

I just wanted to make a qick post to let everyone know I am doing well. I will get back to all of you with the details when I get a chance.

When I was in that room with him and I realized it was going so well, I thought about all the wonderful people on this board. Thank you again for all the support.

Brian


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#44025 - 06/18/01 08:35 AM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
YIPEEE!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Way to go Brian!!!!

Your like my hero right now.

That is such great news, Awesome Dude!!!

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#44026 - 06/19/01 02:47 PM Re: I'm a SURVIVOR !!
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
The murder investigation that I have been involved in has hit a brick wall. Unless the Bloods and the Crips decide to run to the police and rat on each other, we are out of luck (for now anyway).

I decided to take the day off. I played golf with a good friend. We had a beutiful day and I was able to relax and enjoy myself. I'm home now and will begin writing about my confrontation. I will start a new topic tonight or tomorrow to share my experiences from last Friday.

Talk to you all soon,

Brian


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