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#439610 - 06/30/13 06:25 PM Cold Turkey Sandwich
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Before joining MS my acting out life was under control. Well, non existent for 6 months preceding. I found MS doing a web search for dad/son in what was about to be a relapse (which for me is masturbation). Lucky me that i was directed to this site where I've been able to diagnose myself and come to all new awareness about my ongoing condition. Over the course of the last month its been getting steadily worse (cybersex). My family is out of the country for a month and a good friend and recovery partner has stepped in to blow the whistle on me. So I've decided to go cold turkey.

Knowing what I know now about symptoms of early childhood sexualization, i think i had given myself permission for the first time to act out online without guilt, knowing that this is within what some survivors have decided is a permittable boundary for married men with ssa. But i think i can do better and we all have to make our own boundaries.

Ill be counting on your support in weeks to come. Not that anyone has to answer...it helps me to know that people who care, know. Cold turkey is kinda dry without a little cranberry sauce. So you all are my sauce.

Thanks,

Dan


Edited by GoldStone (06/30/13 09:17 PM)

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#439613 - 06/30/13 06:59 PM Re: Cold Turkey Sandwich [Re: GoldStone]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
If going cold turkey is the method that you feel is best for you that's cool, I wish you luck! My understanding from your post is that cybersex is the main issue here that you wish to stop. Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't succeed straight away.

I think it would be good to have some kind of safe outlet so that when you are really tempted there is something else you can do to release that difficulty. There is the rational mind and then there is the mind that is in control during your impulses- when that part starts to take control you will need something to intervene. Planning for failure is important so that you have something in place (and they say "fail to plan, plan to fail").
_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#439617 - 06/30/13 07:42 PM Re: Cold Turkey Sandwich [Re: GoldStone]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Thanks Tut. Cold turkey is the only methos ive ever tried. Wouldn't really know what else there is. I'm very compulsive. Any suggestions on redirecting those urges?

I wonder what the rest of you have done.


I know i have to be proactive.

I guess ill start with a good talk with my wife and my dad.


Edited by GoldStone (06/30/13 09:27 PM)

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#439635 - 07/01/13 04:30 AM Re: Cold Turkey Sandwich [Re: GoldStone]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Dan,
good to see you trying to be proactive when dealing with addiction to cyber sex.

It is not good that your family is away if that means a lot of free time and boredom for you if you have such problems.

Sometimes I can feel building pressure in me that could lead me to unhealthy coping mechanism (I have had occasionally problems with porn and masturbation) so it is possible to avoid falling to it but there is time when some action has to be taken.
I know that many times I have to keep myself busy, in company of friends, to do some exercise and similar and to distract my negative thoughts.
If I'd wait for too long it is not possible to overcome challenge if compulsion already shown.

Please try to be extremely sensitive when talking about your "problem" with people who have same issues. Sometimes it is not possible to hold on and plain talk can trigger some challenges in group dynamics that are anything but healthy.

There is no much that can be said how to deal with some addiction and compulsion. If it is severe I guess therapy is needed to address all underlying issues that are root of compulsion, and I would recommend you to look for professional help.
We can discuss and exchange our experiences but that is not therapy; we are all much different and there are no easy solutions for long lasting problems.


Originally Posted By: king tut
they say "fail to plan, plan to fail".


I love that Tut!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#439774 - 07/02/13 03:43 AM Re: Cold Turkey Sandwich [Re: GoldStone]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
I'll put out a call for friendship with those men who aren't engaging in that way. New post.

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#439830 - 07/02/13 06:12 PM Re: Cold Turkey Sandwich [Re: GoldStone]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Stopping P and M. Now I drink and smoke instead. And caffeine, too much.

Can't get around to cleaning the house.

Stopped all exercising.

I feel frozen with fear.

I miss how cozy it all made me feel.

I don't WANT to get better.

Its like I unplugged the fucker but I can't put it down.

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#439955 - 07/03/13 07:09 PM Re: Cold Turkey Sandwich [Re: GoldStone]
CafeMan Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 121
Loc: Chicago
Hey, Dan.

I may not have some great words of wisdom or offer something that may change your life. But please note that I am rooting for you.

You have a great wife and kids who love you. Take comfort in that. Remember what we discussed when we first chatted, your greatest strength is your family. They will give you strength in return. All my best to you . . . Nick

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#439957 - 07/03/13 07:26 PM Re: Cold Turkey Sandwich [Re: GoldStone]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
yeah I dropped that turkey sandwich right on the floor last night.

ill try to stay away from the cyber and stick to porn if I have tO.

Maybe this isnt the place fir sobriety updates. cool


Edited by GoldStone (07/03/13 09:33 PM)

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#441103 - 07/16/13 10:01 PM Re: Cold Turkey Sandwich [Re: GoldStone]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Yeah....all the turkeys are dead.

mercy

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#441108 - 07/16/13 10:32 PM Re: Cold Turkey Sandwich [Re: GoldStone]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
duplicate


Edited by GoldStone (07/16/13 10:33 PM)

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