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#423474 - 01/28/13 04:09 PM Re: Difficult Words----TRIGGERS [Re: Suwanee]
SmartShadow Offline


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 135
Loc: Washington State
Hi Will,
Thanks for sharing this part of your story. I am in the middle of trying to get my story out of head on to paper. I am going tomorrow for my second session with my new T and we are strating EMDR work. I am suppose to be genorating 5 target memories but I am having a hard time comiting my self to the process of wrighting them out. Iam not even shure what consitutes a target memory yet. Thanks for letting me see what it looks like to take the risk. I supose we can never know how some one will react when we expose our trauma and the fear and shame that gose with it, but you are wise and brave to do so. It looks like I am not alone in saying I am proud of you for taking the risk.

Take care, mike

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#424806 - 02/09/13 04:55 PM Re: Difficult Words----TRIGGERS [Re: SmartShadow]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6819
Loc: USA
Thank you for writing your story for us. It helped me immensely. I saw numerous parallels between what you went through and what I went through.

Puffer

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#424815 - 02/09/13 09:07 PM Re: Difficult Words----TRIGGERS [Re: Suwanee]
Tanis2105 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/16/10
Posts: 47
Loc: SW Florida
Suwanee I "get It" as I'm sure many here do. I have not been able to read it all but wanted to thank you for posting this. Thank you
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsnCq24hu9w

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#439553 - 06/29/13 11:00 PM Re: Difficult Words----TRIGGERS [Re: Suwanee]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
What soccer said.

Children's camps these days need to move to having 2 adults always present with children. Without this rule Id never send my kid there. Probably wouldn't even so.

Thanks for having the courage to speak out. The manipulation is gutting and so infuriating. The lack of prosecution execution is mind boggling. If we cant protect the genitals of children who the hell are we???

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#439597 - 06/30/13 03:20 PM Re: Difficult Words----TRIGGERS [Re: Suwanee]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1093
Loc: The ATL
Hi Will. I'm glad Goldstone bumped this old thread as it gave me an opportunity to reread your amazing and inspirational story. I know I've responded in another thread about your story before and also in PM but there were a couple of things I wanted to touch on this time. (Although these are more or less just side notes.)

Originally Posted By: Suwanee
It isn't out of the question of me running for public office at some point....but then, what would it look like for an opponent digging up the past only to show up with a story of child molestation? Not good for him/her and thus not likely.


No, it's not. I don't blame you for worrying about it though. I wouldn't want these things getting out either were I in your shoes. Hell, I don't even want these things getting out in my shoes and I'm not a public figure, nor will I ever be. However, I don't see a political opponent using a past of CSA against their rival. No way that could do anything but totally backfire. If anything it may even create a sympathy vote in favor of the candidate with the CSA issues. Still, I understand why it's a concern.

Originally Posted By: Suwanee
Here's the thing, thinking back, he was awfully young to have been that sophisticated of a perp. I don't like to consider the vampire theory, but he was very well-versed in the shit he did. Eric recounted his story to me and it was similar to what I went through. His parents were divorced and his dad was absent. He was the classic boy starved for male attention. In other words, he was an easy mark.


It definitely sounds possible that he may have been a victim himself. Not that it would excuse his actions in any way if he were, obviously. I'm honestly of the belief that the "vampire myth" is more an exception to the rule than an all-out myth. Most people who are abused do not go on to abuse others just like most people who were abused do not go on to become alcoholics. However, if you took a random sampling of say 100 alcoholics you would probably find that a greater number of them have a background with CSA than if you took a random sampling of 100 people who are not alcoholics. I think the same is probably true for pedophiles and other assorted CSA perps. That's just my opinion and a lot of people will probably disagree with it but I'm pretty sure I'm right about it.

Take care man. Thanks again for having the strength and the courage to tell all of this. Peace,

Ken

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#439605 - 06/30/13 05:01 PM Re: Difficult Words----TRIGGERS [Re: Suwanee]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 05:03 PM)

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#440337 - 07/07/13 11:47 PM Re: Difficult Words----TRIGGERS [Re: Suwanee]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1170
Loc: New York
Hey Will,

You left me speechless. Such horrors and your story of your conquest of conquering them. I think that it is one of the more inspirational life stories I've read.

What I found interesting was how a person can turn in a matter of seconds from a person who you think likes you to someone who just threatened you with your life basically. As a kid I had long blond hair when I was 14. I had also an experience where one of these guys would be stroking my hair (while I was naked and scared shit to begin with) telling me what a beautiful boy I was. A second later he grabbed me by my hair on the back of my head and grabbed my privates and squeezed them picking me off the ground to where I was face to face with him and made me look at him in his face. And he sort of spat out "I once told you to be a good boy. now do you want to eat these" he was squeezing really hard, I was too scared to scream or cry. then he finished by saying "I'll pull every fucken hair out of that beautiful blond head of yours if you don't do as you're told." Then he put me down gently and went back to stroking my hair like nothing happened.

I felt your terror as he grabbed you by the balls and threatened you with that bubble syringe to a possible sterile like in a wheelchair. The color of my hair became a major fly trap for me, it actually attracted these 2 legged flies. I was actually scared when I went into the USAF at 18 that I would have a hard time because of my blond hair. I was so happy when they made it all disappear the first day of basic training.

Thanks for making my day a little brighter smile.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________

Stick around, It will get better....

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#442391 - 07/27/13 09:42 PM Re: Difficult Words----TRIGGERS [Re: Suwanee]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1170
Loc: New York
Hey Will,

I keep reading and rereading your story every once in awhile to feel the strength you put into your recovery. I am nowhere near where you are now. Where you went out to "conquer" your horrible past I hid. I wasn't embarrassed at what I did I was ashamed and felt guilty (still do) at what I did. I hid my childhood until I fell apart a few years ago. Since my last post on this thread I must have read and reread your story a dozen times. I've even printed it out and took it to work to read during lunch.

I had been very athletic in my youth but when I went into hiding I did nothing that would bring attention to me for fear of being outed about my past as a child prostitute, childhood drug addict and other shit.

I wish I had your strength in trying to get to where you are today in order to get a somewhat normal (whatever that means) life. I know it's still not easy but you have a determination that is infective. I am still terrified at people knowing what I really was as a child and teen. It's nothing that I'm proud of, but that's what I was and that's what I still am in my mind and it will never go away.

Thanks for the inspiration

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________

Stick around, It will get better....

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#442397 - 07/27/13 10:15 PM ! [Re: Suwanee]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 09:08 PM)

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#442411 - 07/28/13 09:38 AM Re: Difficult Words----TRIGGERS [Re: Suwanee]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1170
Loc: New York
Hey gary

Yeah I go through that same thing so many times and I forget how many times I just trash the piece. It does take a lot of courage to press that 'Submit' key. Will should feel OK with what he did.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________

Stick around, It will get better....

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