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#439577 - 06/30/13 11:55 AM Feel a bit stupid --> better allready
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 217
Loc: Western Europe
Time to confess guys..
i smoked marihuana again. It had been 7,5 months without, but somehow 2 weeks ago i gave up my resistance and smoked. The firs time was great, had a nice insight which helped me with dealing with the abuse. But afterwards the craving started and it got me to buy a gram. Finished that yesterday and i now want to stop again. It's just difficult to deal with the addiction. Most of the time i drink alcohol as well and i've noticed they strengthen eachother.

And i still feel confused about my sexual feelings. Still don't know what to do with em.

It feels stupid that i couldnt stop after that one time. I had such a revelation and now the anxiety in my stomach is back again.. something i'll have to discuss with my T this week. And i have a difficult time in doing my homework for therapy. Somehow i don't really believe in it.

It's interesting to see myself in this way, cause i realize how important it is to stay balanced. After the first time smoking again, i felt such a relief. But now i don't know what to do with it.. well.. just wanted to make this confession for myself.

I acknowledge i have smoked and i acknowledge i don't have to jugde myself for it. It happened and thats ok. Learn from the mistake and move on..

Thanks guys!


Edited by OCN (06/30/13 03:28 PM)
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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#439578 - 06/30/13 12:15 PM Re: Feel a bit stupid [Re: OCN]
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
Grats on going so long without a smoke, can't say I could do the same OCN.

So what if you have a smoke here or there? It doesnt mean you've failed, you said it yourself you enjoyed it. As long as you recognise, which you have; that it can esculate and you keep it under control then there really is no problem.

Self moderation is good, I'm glad you have it.

As I said, I don't have quite the same will power, I'm severely misusing myself.

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#439585 - 06/30/13 01:01 PM Re: Feel a bit stupid [Re: Poorsoft]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 217
Loc: Western Europe
Originally Posted By: Poorsoft
Grats on going so long without a smoke, can't say I could do the same OCN.

So what if you have a smoke here or there? It doesnt mean you've failed, you said it yourself you enjoyed it. As long as you recognise, which you have; that it can esculate and you keep it under control then there really is no problem.

Self moderation is good, I'm glad you have it.

As I said, I don't have quite the same will power, I'm severely misusing myself.

I like that.. its ok smoke now and then..
i'm just too afraid i'll fall back into the old habit of daily use..

like many, i too have problems with self moderation.. but perhaps i've learned from the last 7,5 months.. i dont want to abuse myself like i did in the old way..

ah well.. we'll see what life brings in the next couple of days and weeks.. i'll just have to be gentle and patient with myself

And i hope one day you'll be able to moderate too Poorsoft! We all have our ways of coping with our issues..

Take care!


Edited by OCN (06/30/13 01:02 PM)
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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#439588 - 06/30/13 01:15 PM ! [Re: OCN]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 08:05 PM)

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#439592 - 06/30/13 01:56 PM Re: Feel a bit stupid [Re: OCN]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 217
Loc: Western Europe
Thank you so much for your messgae Gary!
I realize that its my choice whether or not i feel stupid, thanks for acknowledging this!

Alcohol will be my next stop i guess, but for now i'll do as you did and renew my pledge!
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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#439593 - 06/30/13 02:17 PM Re: Feel a bit stupid [Re: OCN]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1087
Loc: The ATL

Hi OCN. Don't feel stupid. You slipped up. I don't think it's really a big deal. I'm a user to, although I don't smoke weed nearly as much as I drink. I have been able to moderate my drinking during the work week though, as I couldn't function otherwise. On the weekends I generally drink until I pass out and sometimes smoke a little bud as well.

Originally Posted By: OCN
Most of the time i drink alcohol as well and i've noticed they strengthen eachother.


Oh yeah, they do, a lot. If I get good and drunk then smoke just a little weed, I pretty much wind up blown out of my gord and normally blackout completely. I did that on Friday and Saturday night this weekend and wound up passing out on the kitchen floor both nights. The kitchen floor is a weird and uncomfortable place to wake up but for some reason, I wind up there a lot.


Originally Posted By: Smalltown80sBoy
But wanting to quit is important if we want to quit any addiction. You have the desire to quit, or at least smoke in moderation, so that's a good start.


Yes, I think this is the key. You really have to want to quit. Congrats on quitting smoking and on staying sober. I quit smoking myself about 13 years ago and haven't picked up a cigarette since. With cigarettes, I wanted to quit, so I did. It was hard but I wanted it badly, and I succeeded. With alcohol, I have absolutely no desire to quit. I can't imagine living life and getting though each and every day without knowing I had that little escape waiting for me at the end. Peace,

Ken

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