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#438876 - 06/22/13 08:43 AM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Gary, that's some great stuff!! It's a tremendous breakthrough to be able to talk to so many strangers ... all in one day's time. Good for you, guy. Proud of you.
b

btw... I haven't heard the term "fit" used in a very good while. Sounds like my lingo when I am in a "safe" place. Love it.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#438898 - 06/22/13 06:03 PM ! [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 07:56 PM)

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#438991 - 06/23/13 05:38 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: lapchinj]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 408
Loc: west coast
I am in the closet and I probably won't come out of that closet. To do so would ruin my kids families. So you see I cannot come out, I am stuck in a world that I don't believe in but I have normal (non fanatical) straight kids except for one that's gay. So I am still in the closet not because of the size of my balls but because I don't think you know how cruel religions can be if you don't adhere to the official lifestyle. So I will probably go to my grave with that. wink

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff



Wow
I read this and my heart sinks

Jeff , no one can know your experience or reality but you.

You have normal kids, so you can't possibly know how their reaction would be about their gay dad. I thought I would be shunned and rejected, but dispute some minor things there has been overwhelming acceptance, cuz I finally accepted myself. When i became good with it so did others , especially my kids. We have no powers to see the future. We color it with insecurity and fear. All the what ifs .
What if:
- your kids just love you
- your wife finally understands you
- your intolerant church sees that you are still the same person, so you will find out if they are either "finger waggers or true speakers " , if the former, you will have to ask yourself if you and your family belong there.
- you could counter cruelty with kindness and compassion.

What if all the fears and scenarios play out so differently. How great would you feel if you could be loved and accepted for who you are. What courage would that show your children. What courage.

We all come to it in our own time. Three years ago I would have said I cannot either. Sadly it took near disaster to break free. Now from this side I see I was in mind shackled manacles of my own making.

My heart is with you. Living two lives is so painful. Not carrying that weight anymore has been unbelieveable.

What if you could breath?

Big hugz
Grant
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#438998 - 06/23/13 07:37 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
fwiw, I guess now is as good a time as any to reference this article: http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/21/opinion/obeidallah-death-regret/index.html?iref=allsearch

For me, it's not all just about coming out. You folks know I was diagnosed with HIV 20+ years ago and, at the time, given 5-7 years to live. Similar to what another guy on this thread experienced. So I did what I'd always wanted to do while I could still do it...refurbished a house, travelled the world. Today I'm in a position to do neither and have great memories/experiences and few regrets over what I DIDN'T do.

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#439365 - 06/27/13 02:55 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1408
Loc: California
Looks like I'll be celebrating this pride after all.

I'm taking some risks - I've asked a couple of people I've known for a long while (one, I dated for a couple months 8 years ago). I'm really ambivilant about any sexual feelings I have (I don't think I do) towards them - but I am certainly curious to know them better as people. They're unique individuals that spark my curiosity.

So I took the risk and they both said 'yes' and it looks like I'll be going out and celebrating for the first time in a few years.

Yay!
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#439373 - 06/27/13 04:46 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 04:36 PM)

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#439416 - 06/28/13 12:08 AM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1226
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: 1lifenow
What if:
- your kids just love you
- your wife finally understands you
- your intolerant church sees that you are still the same person, so you will find out if they are either "finger waggers or true speakers " , if the former, you will have to ask yourself if you and your family belong there.
- you could counter cruelty with kindness and compassion.

What if all the fears and scenarios play out so differently. How great would you feel if you could be loved and accepted for who you are. What courage would that show your children. What courage.

All I can say is that intimidation runs rampant in religious circles. If I would come out my kids would suffer because they would have trouble sending their kids to religious schools because the grandfather is a faggot. He was molested because of his wickedness. Etc, etc, etc.... I have no problem fucking around with my legacy if I didn't have to worry what others would say. I'm not afraid of my family but why rock the boat. What they don't know won't hurt them or have any detrimental affects on any part of the family. I've hidden for over 40 years another couple of years won't hurt.

That's a good article Lancer. I have one regret and that's not having a childhood. My childhood, those 9 years, killed the things I wanted to do like play with my kids, roll around on the front lawn with my kids, change diapers, hold my grandchildren. This is what I would have told that nurse in the article. If I can't have these couple of things then there isn't anything else I need. I'm just killing time.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#439509 - 06/29/13 08:34 AM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Kadin Offline


Registered: 06/25/13
Posts: 8
I have a hard time seeing myself at a Gay Pride event. Not because I'm not proud but because I just don't go to big events like that. I guess I'm a small town guy. I do have a couple friends coming up from the city today and tomorrow we are doing a brunch along with a couple local friends so I will call that our Gay Pride celebration!

I just came out myself in December after not being with another man since around High School and a 30 year marriage. I made a "coming out" video to tell my family and the family of my late wife. It is difficult after living straight your whole life, to come out to a world of people who never had a clue I was gay but now that I have I am quite happy about it.

Also, I wanted to say that I used to come here before I came out but not in quite awhile and I had the user name Elad12. I'm coming now mostly for this particular forum to be in touch with other gay survivors of CSA.
Is it okay to post a link to my video here? If so I'd share it with you guys.

Thanks

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#439519 - 06/29/13 12:36 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1226
Loc: New York
Hey Kadin,

I can't see why you wouldn't be able to link to it as long as it is non triggering.

I guess we can all say welcome back but sorry you have to be here.

Sorry about your wife.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#439528 - 06/29/13 02:51 PM ! [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 08:01 PM)

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