It feels good to have a moment of peace. A moment where you are not having sexual images, or flashbacks. For the last 2 days I have had the hardest time. Every time I look at another male I'd have a sexual thought about him. It was so hard to stay in the moment; to not retreat within myself and go on autopilot. What autopilot is for me, is when the stress gets so intense that I no longer feel I am in control. When those moments come, I know I am responding to people, but it feels like its coming from another place, another person. I hate feeling that way because I can literally feel my body shaking in the inside, and at any moment I will start to run or scream. Since joining this site, which was about a day or so ago, I have noticed that I am gaining more control with every post I make, and with every message I receive. It really feels great to know you are not alone with your thoughts and actions. It feels good to know that your actions are coming from a real place, a place of hurt, but that they are shared by others. I am really thankful for the guys who have messaged me, and shared their stories, as well as listened to mine. I have a very long road to recovery, but as long as I am able to express those things inside of me, I won't burst.
Every hidden secret will eventually find light