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#439157 - 06/25/13 08:11 AM I keep causing problems at work
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
I have a day job, in this day job I'm constantly causing problems where there are none. I get myself wound up, have emotional outbursts and generally have little control over what I say.

I'm constantly belittling management, just today I threatened them with sickness if they didn't do as I asked. I realise its all a bit irrational, but am I alone in this? Do you do this to? Any idea why?

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#439158 - 06/25/13 08:49 AM Re: I keep causing problems at work [Re: Poorsoft]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 592
I did when I was working. Unlike you, though, I didn't even realize it was irrational. I don't want to say drugs are the answer, but for me I didn't even realize it was me who was the one being nuts until I went on celexa. That happened the same week that I stopped working so obviously it didn't save my job, but it did allow me to see things clearer.

Another thing I would recommend is practice looking at yourself from the outsie. Without judging yourself, recognize your emotions. Tell yourself they are ok, that they are natural and there is nothing wrong with them. But then do an experiment. Say to yourself: "I know I have these emotions. I am not going to deny them. But I am going to practice not acting on them." The line between repression and control can be a blurry one, but that's an exercise that has helped me in my personal life so it maybe worth a try at your job.
_________________________
Like a spent gladiator
crawling in the colosseum dust
who can count on his remaining limbs
all the people he can trust.
Like the one who stands behind him
cheering him on
Estatic when he stands defiant,
wild with abandon when he's gone

just stay alive.
do whatever you need to.
you are worth it.

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#439159 - 06/25/13 08:57 AM Re: I keep causing problems at work [Re: Poorsoft]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Hey Poorsoft,

It is frustrating to have learned that overwhelming paranoia and lack of personal boundaries in such a complete and manic way as we have in this abuse.

I have experienced this intense anxiety, I have felt like I was the only one who could see the incoming danger and no one else "got it". How could they not see it? It's right there! What is going to happen will get me fired, you fired or will bankrupt the company.

I still get anxious about minor happenings, and worry about matters that quickly resolve themselves. When I am in these states, I am on the edge and unreasonable. I wake up at night and act out whatever I feel to be safe, closing the bedroom door, making sure the lock is set on the front door, closing shades and curtains. Anxiety, paranoia, isolation, these have been my guiding principles, and they are cruel masters.

Recovery, fellow survivor, helped me to calm down, to ground myself in the moment, to understand what is happening in the "here and now" and to realize appropriate limitations and abilities. I cannot be the one who controls the "little red buttons" of nuclear warheads, but I am the one who can be counted on to stick with an idea or company value till everyone(almost) is satisfied. I understand what I am capable of and leave the rest.., go. Someone will take up the slack, or I will address it later, or I know it is a process and it will become part of the whole in upgrades and revisions.

This maybe more than you asked for P.s., or not enough, I hope it helps you, I am not the victim I was, but I do not wear a cape neither, I am average, a little above average at times, and I have my moments. Mostly though, I am just Sam.
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#439187 - 06/25/13 01:47 PM Re: I keep causing problems at work [Re: Poorsoft]
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
Appreciate the suggestion Jacob, generally I have found that looking at myself from a different persective helps, but when I cause problems; its automatic pilot and I'm always berating myself afterwords in that self defeating tone we all use.

SamV, funny thing that you mentioned the paranoia/personal boundries thing; as thats exactly whats happening with myself too.

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#439188 - 06/25/13 02:19 PM Re: I keep causing problems at work [Re: Poorsoft]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 04:49 PM)

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