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#439032 - 06/23/13 09:43 PM Can it ever be not an issue ?
Mountain time Offline


Registered: 04/27/13
Posts: 2
Hi again. Just a a few questions for any of the older guys in this site. The ones Who have been dealing with all of this shit for a lot longer than me. Does it ever just fade away ? I mean all of the times that I lately just think about my past and can't move forward, do those moments stop? Is this some thing that can be healed or changed ?and not have the same effects over me for the Next ten years as they have the last ? I am really struggling with separating the things that have happened to me I the past and the things that are happening now. Can I ever have a happy sex life ? I can't get my head around feeling like I am always going to be a mess. Is it possible to lead the life that I want without my past always making an appearance ? ???

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#439056 - 06/24/13 02:25 AM . [Re: Mountain time]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#439057 - 06/24/13 02:37 AM Re: Can it ever be not an issue ? [Re: Mountain time]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Greg it always blows me away to hear you say you are a failure at everything.

You sound like one of the most articulate self aware people out there. Change you friends? They are our mirror you know. Online friends are a good start. MS is a Great start.

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#439234 - 06/26/13 12:35 AM Re: Can it ever be not an issue ? [Re: Mountain time]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1105
Loc: The ATL

Hi MT. Man, I am sorry you are going through this. I wish I could give you a definitive answer to your question but I'm not sure that really is possible. There just is no one-size-fits-all answer. Will your past ever not be an issue? Probably not. Can it get to the point where it is much less of an issue? Certainly! Can the issues that you struggle with as an adult that may stem from the abuse ever be solved or cured? Depends on what they are. If they can not be permanently solved and/or cured, can they be accommodated for, lived with or lived in spite of? Certainly. It all depends though.

The most important thing I know about you so far is that you have a wife and therefore must have some ability to form those types of relationships. That is HUGE! Use that as a building block and lean on your wife as much as possible. Also, in your last post you said you've only seen a therapist a couple of times. I know it's hard, and the more you explore the abuse with a T, the more it will seem to consume you at first. Go back and stick with it if you can. Feel the pain you need to feel and cry the tears you need to cry. After that, you can get to a point where confronting the memories doesn't seem as oppressive. I can't promise you those memories will never be an issue but you will have to get over that hump first if the issues they cause are to be lessened. I only wish I could be more help or had a better answer. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#439346 - 06/27/13 09:30 AM Re: Can it ever be not an issue ? [Re: Mountain time]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 340
Loc: NY
Mountain Time:

The past has a way of resonating with the present. I used to think that nostalgia was a good thing, until someone who cares about me started to make me realize that it could mean going nowhere because it is reenacting a trauma.

With a good process of checking in with myself, the past can invade the present but with the important distinction of me being aware of it. That is just the beginning, however. The many different ways that the past makes itself known are each a message. When I accepted that, a kind of love for myself, a very old one, started to re-emerge. There's plenty of sadness, but also a sense of reality that frankly, never seemed possible.

Hope you will find continued inspiration here and feel the road beneath your feet.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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