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#438630 - 06/19/13 07:29 AM Re: Me at age 11.. please add yours [Re: Shyshark]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL
Originally Posted By: Shyshark
BF ... you're not a vampire ...
you're a ham!


You have no idea....

At age 12. Summer of 1987...




Oh, and by the way, in another thread I just mentioned that I have a somewhat twisted and depraved sense of humor. Yeah, that goes way back! Ha ha!


Edited by BraveFalcon (06/19/13 07:32 AM)

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#438631 - 06/19/13 07:37 AM Re: Me at age 11.. please add yours [Re: StrugglingGuy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1250
Loc: New York
Hey learning,

That's pretty brave of you to post your picture and thanks for adding to the collection. When I came to the site I was also paranoid about putting up my face and I changed it a few times. All my pictures from 10-18 were not so nice but I said WTF and I kept this one because it had my best friend and also in the game with me. But I thought it over and if someone remembers the face then fine but I've seen pictures of famous people at a young age and I would never have made the connection if I didn't know who it was. At first I didn't want to use a pic of me at one of the many photo shoots I did with my best friend or alone. But with this avatar, if you've seen it on the net you weren't supposed to be browsing the net in those places.

Thanks for the pic, it puts a face to the abuse and shows a normal kid trying to live life all the while he was trying to grow up.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#438634 - 06/19/13 07:59 AM Re: Me at age 11.. please add yours [Re: lapchinj]
learning2remember Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 289
Loc: Europe
Originally Posted By: lapchinj

Thanks for the pic, it puts a face to the abuse and shows a normal kid trying to live life all the while he was trying to grow up.


Thanks, lapchinj. The pic also shows a kid eating Chef Boyardee Ravioli. That's funny for me, because there is some nostalgia there, but it is also a reminder of normal moments.
_________________________
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

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#438645 - 06/19/13 11:02 AM Re: Me at age 11.. please add yours [Re: StrugglingGuy]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 419
Loc: Canada
I love this whole thing !

I saw the original post when it first went up and meant to act on it immediately ...
but I got caught up in something else and just forgot about it.

I couldn't wait to share mine.

It saddens me to think about the courage it took some of you to make this step ...
and elated that you did.
Thank you for being brave and sharing ...

and Thank you StrugglingGuy for starting it.

In that exact instant ... the precise moment ...
we were nothing more ... nothing less ... nothing different ...
than all the hundreds ... thousands ... of other boys who's picture was being taken.

We are what we were ... not what we were made to be.
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#438646 - 06/19/13 11:06 AM Re: Me at age 11.. please add yours [Re: StrugglingGuy]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 419
Loc: Canada
P/S ...
I keep forgetting to change my little sad face to a happy one ...
... when I'm happy.
smile
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#438680 - 06/19/13 07:00 PM Re: Me at age 11.. please add yours [Re: Shyshark]
petercorbett Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2453
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

Shyshark, i love your poem/story on page 5.

It speaks volumes of how i have come to know about my inner child. It's been a tough past four years trying to bring him into the sunshine, forever into eternity.

That's why I'm still that 10-14 year old boy emotionally & mentally, but physically in a 74 year old skin. I refuse to be an old man.

I love him & I'll never let him go.

Great response to this thread. I thank you all for sharing in it.

Wishing all my brothers here well in healing.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#438681 - 06/19/13 07:21 PM Re: Me at age 11.. please add yours [Re: lapchinj]
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 216
Originally Posted By: lapchinj
Hey txb,

I also don't have many happy pictures of me but any picture of anyone I see here is not stupid. It shows a picture of a kid who wanted to be just a kid and at some point took a turn for the worse.

Sorry I missed the pic when it did go up. I'm sure there was nothing stupid about it but was just a picture of good kid no matter what was going on at the time. even for the short time it was up it showed a good kid.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff


The stupidness was more my lack of profile picture changing skills rather than the picture itself. Turns out all you had to do was refresh the page and the new picture would be there. The only stupid thing about the picture is Iím smiling like my life is awesome, when itís not. Iíve always felt angry about everyone else around me, like why did they not see something was wrong, why did no one do anything? But when I looked at this picture I thought, how could they know? There is nothing to see. When I think about age 11, I think I was this really horrible obnoxious brat. I got kicked out of school at that age so I guess I expected myself to look like some evil kid in the picture. I just look like a nice ordinary kid. After reading this thread I really wanted to add my picture here.

I only left it here for about 20 minutes, then I just got scared thinking about other pictures of me. It was less than 10 years ago that stuff happened to me. The pictures from then are probably still circulating. I want to get rid of the thought that every time some sick person looks at those pictures I am being re-abused, because thatís not really true. The kid in those pictures was not really truly me. It was all acting. I donít know if I can explain properly... but I donít want pictures of me as a real kid having just been ice skating to have anything to do with those other pictures. I'm not sure if that makes any sense to anyone except me.

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#438686 - 06/19/13 08:21 PM Re: Me at age 11.. please add yours [Re: StrugglingGuy]
toddop Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 226
Loc: California
txb,
Your feelings around the photos and not wanting them to have anything to do with the "other" photos of you make a lot of sense to me. I have the same issues with posting and seeing my photo. I struggle with taking it off every time I see my post. I know there are tons of other pics and more of me floating around out there that are horrible. I know about wanting to keep that kid out of the other stuff.

I guess to me, posting that picture gives me back a sense of control. I cannot control any other pics of me that are out there, but I can get one out there that is at least a halfway decent photo. And a picture that at least has all my clothes on. And it just happened to coincide with some recent work with little Todd that I have been doing. To me right now, it feels like a big middle finger to all the bastards that hurt me. Who knows how I'll feel next week.

The important thing is that you are doing what you are comfortable with and keeping your picture of yourself where you want it to be.

Todd
_________________________
Todd

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein

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#438687 - 06/19/13 09:38 PM Re: Me at age 11.. please add yours [Re: StrugglingGuy]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 759
Loc: Southeast USA
.


Edited by Suwanee (06/21/13 08:21 AM)
Edit Reason: Perfidy
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#438704 - 06/20/13 02:04 AM Re: Me at age 11.. please add yours [Re: StrugglingGuy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1250
Loc: New York
Hey Learning, I loved Chef Boyardee Ravioli or anyone's Ravioli. My best was a cheeseburger, fries and a vanilla coke.

Originally Posted By: txb
.... The only stupid thing about the picture is Iím smiling like my life is awesome, when itís not. Iíve always felt angry about everyone else around me, like why did they not see something was wrong, why did no one do anything? But when I looked at this picture I thought, how could they know? There is nothing to see. When I think about age 11, I think I was this really horrible obnoxious brat. I got kicked out of school at that age so I guess I expected myself to look like some evil kid in the picture. I just look like a nice ordinary kid. After reading this thread I really wanted to add my picture here.

What's wrong with a picture that has smiling? It's better than the other ones you were thinking of. I have other pictures of me like the other ones your thinking of. I like the cropped version of my avatar. It shows me looking happy, I don't know if I was or not at the time, and my best friend's head on my shoulder. I was 12 he was 10-1/2. This was the first photo shoot with him when I started getting pimped I think my friend was 9 when he started being pimped. It looks normal but we sit there with no cloths or bathing suits on. So pictures can be deceiving. but the picture has to give us hope and not dispare.

When I look at a picture like Todd's why shouldn't he show that one. It's what he should have been even though he was being abused at the time very viciously. All the pictures shown here on MS look like regular kids without a care in the world and not to remind us of the porn. I think that's were we want to be and not like the other pictures that you said were not you. The picture of most of us here on MS are not happy at the time those pictures were taken but they all look like normal kids.


Originally Posted By: txb
....It was less than 10 years ago that stuff happened to me. The pictures from then are probably still circulating. I want to get rid of the thought that every time some sick person looks at those pictures I am being re-abused, because thatís not really true. The kid in those pictures was not really truly me. It was all acting. I donít know if I can explain properly... but I donít want pictures of me as a real kid having just been ice skating to have anything to do with those other pictures. I'm not sure if that makes any sense to anyone except me.

I don't think that you should feel like you're being re-abused. of course those pictures of you are still on the net. Thousands of pictures were taken of me and for all I know they're all there on the net. You can find them (not the raunchy ones) in a simple google search. I must have had at least 200 videos (in those days they were 8 and 16 mm film) of me taken over the years. I only saw one and that was the week after it was made and I will never forget that movie.

Your thinking makes a lot of sense to me, I know exactly where you're coming from.

Originally Posted By: learning2remember
....shows a kid eating Chef Boyardee Ravioli. That's funny for me, because there is some nostalgia there, but it is also a reminder of normal moments.

We all had normal moments even when we were being abused. Those are the moments we should dwell on not the ones on some russian or ukrainian server.

We all had bad things happen to us and we can't change it - it happened. But with the correct avatar we can strive to be and feel like aa normal person again.

Originally Posted By: Toddop
...I guess to me, posting that picture gives me back a sense of control. I cannot control any other pics of me that are out there, but I can get one out there that is at least a halfway decent photo. And a picture that at least has all my clothes on. And it just happened to coincide with some recent work with little Todd that I have been doing. To me right now, it feels like a big middle finger to all the bastards that hurt me. Who knows how I'll feel next week.

This statement, I think, sums up the reason we should post the best pictures we can. And who knows, maybe next week we'll feel even better looking at the kid we should have been.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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