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#437711 - 06/10/13 08:04 PM Disaster....
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 295
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
Hi i need some help.
I am doing well. i came to visit my parents today
..i come in the house
" guess what your brother and his girlfriend
and your neice are coming this friday"
in my brain " YOU GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME..!"
I dont want to see him.
My parents speak very ,very highly of my
brother's girlfriend.
I dont want to see him.
I have been thinking of calling him up and
saying " listen when you come here i dont
want you touching me...or Genie."
" Whaaaat?" ...is what i am assuming he will say.
He doesnt get it. He thinks i am mental.
He is the one who is mental all and ma and pa
and those fucking deviats in southern Ontario.
I get this photo in my head of using his head as
a punching bag!!!
What do i fucking do?
I dont want to seee him..
and hemay say " oh my brother is gay, man"
to his girl.
What do i do? I am not in Toronto
if i was there.... at least i can pop by
Collingwood or Barrie and respect myself
i dont know who to talk to..
well i speak to my Therapist tomorrow.
I feel like i will remember Thompson...what
will he say? I dont want to see him.
FUCKKKKK!
I wish i was somewhere else.

Goran

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#437725 - 06/10/13 09:08 PM Re: Disaster.... [Re: Sterling]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
You are there G, and you are the best man for the job. You have all the facts and the ability to use those facts to your benefit. You have a choice fellow survivor, assertive association, assertive disclosure, assertive distance. Breathe, sip water, breathe, sip water before, during and after. What will happen in a particular moment you can handle with in that moment.

These overwhelming feelings may be coming from not disclosing to your family or not being listened to and respected if you have. in either case, you have a "little" you need to care for and a "big" who is physically able to care but needs some training.

I cannot think of a better man for this situation, I am rooting for team Goran! Go Goran, Go Goran, Go Goran! Yayeeeee!

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#437744 - 06/10/13 11:33 PM Re: Disaster.... [Re: SamV]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 295
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
You are the best SAM ! Thankyou. I cant
believe your support and words. I hate my
brother. I dont care what my mom says.
I just want out of here. And i have to
call him up. I dont want to be at the airport and
he comes and gives me a bear hug.
He never even apologized for calling me all the
names and looking down at me. Who is the freak
here?
My mom is sick too! I am trying to build my self
- the little boy is scared in me..b/c i see his
bully dyke ( please no offense to women who are gay-
only my dad's family) billie.
I hate them.
I feel the only help i can get is here and my
folks at the IPA! and i have to breathe just
being here in my dad's bedroom ..thinking
how i am going to drive to the airport in a few
days ..i feel i can see him coming down the escalator
with his woman and child ..with a smile while
a bring a fist together and give him a stong left-
hook! By this feels good. and then his
woman can scream and i ll keep give him blow by
blow and then suddenly someone tapes it and
puts it on you tube ...and i will tell run back
to plane fuckhead ..you are only visiting.
and this man isnt your brother fuckface!
..i dont know what he would say.
i would love to see my dad's worried face
not knowing whether he should book a flight for
his only pretty on the outside ,shit in the middle
macedonia. fuckinee.. freaks why should i worry
..they fuck them selves up. fascinating how
daddy and his son ..talk smart when they watch
t.v...and see perpertrators ...and crap that happens
" why you so quiet goran?"
fucking bullies and bitches i swear their should be
a law implemented that be it a woman or man
i should be able to have them in the octogan with me!
I'll go nuts on them in the ring. Everyone of
them. I am not family ,not to one of them.
My mom is a cunt, too!
I hate them..
Thanks.
I will never leave you Malesurvivor!
Goran

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#437762 - 06/11/13 08:47 AM Re: Disaster.... [Re: Sterling]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
What has been done to us is excruciating and emasculating, it tears at our soft parts, it's a sucker blow and a knock out punch. When we become aware of how we were used, it is easy to feel the rage of revenge. It feels good to imagine getting even with abusers and enablers of the abuse. We cannot however, do those things we think would help us feel so good. Why? Because we are good people. We are sensitive and caring. We want the healing stability of relief, not the destruction of abusing control. We want safety and security.

You will find that peace Goran, you already have in writing out how you feel about those who have hurt you, who have enabled the abuser, and then working towards living a life that does not include those who act that way, creating a safe, reliable routine that empowers you.

There are times when we feel we need to shout out of the top of the largest tower who abused us so they will feel the destruction we felt years ago and there are times we want to be left alone. The balance fellow survivor, the middle where peace and comfort lay, is deciding to disclose to healthy supporters, confront abusers and enablers and most importantly, loving our "littles", maturing them with our "bigs" so we can live the life we feel confident in day by day.

This too Goran, this situation you have the courage and inner safety to process, to live through and to find little examples of just how amazing you are, my best to you,

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#437773 - 06/11/13 10:41 AM Re: Disaster.... [Re: Sterling]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Just popping in to say hello to my friend wink!
Keep venting Goran, this is good place for doing it.

Sending my hugs to you

(((Goran)))
_________________________
My story

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#437944 - 06/12/13 03:01 PM Re: Disaster.... [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 295
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
HUGS back to you Pero!

- can never get too many hugs!!!

Goran

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#438304 - 06/15/13 08:03 PM Re: Disaster.... [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 295
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
So far ..everything went pretty good!
My brother got off the plane. I shook his hand.
His girlfriend is really nice.
And i have one helluva cute neice. She is 5 months old.

My brother did mention a football game we went to back in
1991....and it triggered scary emotions quite quickly.
My dad added to the question " where is the hotel where
you guys stayed"?
I immediatley focused on me driving safely ; in rushour.
Once we arrived at my parents place ....when i had a moment
with my brother ...i told him " you guys talk about
thompson ..and whatever ..it is you want to talk about".
I told him it was triggering and he said " No problem".!
So that went well.
And then i focused on my life.
I went to a Men's only Mood Disorders meeting.
That felt sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good!
I got some emotions out. We all supported one another.
It was fantastic!!
And now today is Saturday and ..my brother mentioned London,
Ontario.
I dont want to step on any toes here...it is just that happens
to be the city where alllll my dad's family live. frown
And my brother mentioned that town.
I got a little anxious but i thought " Goran let it go....he
doesnt know what i am going thru and they will leave Wednesday,
soooo
I just want to say how i love you guys sooooooooooooooooo
much and Sasuva i cant thank you enough with the wonderful
support cheering me on and - i cant believe how good you are
at this. Sorry i am not ..sorry..i shouldnt be undermining
anyone.
Thanks Pero for always sending a HUG!!
I love you guys who are always here.
You ARE AWESOME!!!

Gifted Guys.
HUGS to ALL.
sleep well.
Goran

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#438332 - 06/16/13 01:42 AM Re: Disaster.... [Re: Sterling]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Goran, I'm so happy while reading your update.
I'm glad that everything went well and that you managed to stay calm and grounded.

I know that you can do it wink


Hugs


(((Goran))) smile
_________________________
My story

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#438337 - 06/16/13 02:19 AM Re: Disaster.... [Re: Sterling]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Where's the 'like' button?!

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#438487 - 06/17/13 06:55 PM Re: Disaster.... [Re: GoldStone]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 295
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
Thanks Pero...i will never forget ..how you go the extra mile
..with your continous support.
AND Thankyou GoldStone.

This site is One GREAT Blessing!!!

Goran

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