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#43857 - 05/10/05 12:03 AM Re: How to handle jokes?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I'm always surprised at how much we laugh in our group therapy sessions, not at each other but with each other.

We don't laugh at jokes, but at the absurdity of some of the situations we've ended up as we lived our dysfunctional lives, and sometimes at the situations we still find ourselves in.

Humour can, I think, be used in two ways. Firstly as a release, one that makes it easier for someone to tell a particuarly difficult story.
I once fought my way out of an acting out situation with another man, and I can relate that story in two ways. I now tell it the funny way, because I can see it as a scene out of a bad 'Animal House' type movie. But I could tell it absolutely straight, which would 'ask' the listener to be sympathetic.
I don't want sympathy, but I do tell the story because I want to be understood, and I can do it better through emphasising the utter madness of two grown men fighting in a toilet cubicle both with their pants down!

The other use of humour is as I said in my other post as a method of spreading hatred and belittling a particular person or group. Most people who do this stand out a mile, and I either tell them to "shut the f**k up" or I walk away.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#43859 - 05/12/05 02:56 PM Re: How to handle jokes?
Baal Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/08/05
Posts: 8
i handle pedo jokes quite well, i laugh with it. life is too short to be upset all the time, what has happened is in the past, might as well derive some humor from it...

i can never take things too seriously, but thats just me. even if something bad happens i will make a joke out of it. it makes me feel better


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#43860 - 05/12/05 03:33 PM Re: How to handle jokes?
Charlie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 148
Guys my age joke about sex all the time and that's cool (I do it too) but grownups telling jokes about kids is never funny. It stays inside my head for a long time and makes me disappear. It's like saying "names can never hurt me", of course they can! I'm still hurting, the abuse changed everything. When people joke about kids being abused I feel like they're saying "it's not a big deal, get over it".


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#43861 - 05/19/05 01:22 AM Re: How to handle jokes?
eltoro65 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 9
Loc: chicago
one time I was at a party and some girl made a comment "oh well! you know what they say: incest is best!" And I replied "You're the first person whose eever told me they actually enjoyed it!" That shut her up.


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#43862 - 05/19/05 01:55 AM Re: How to handle jokes?
demonboi Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/05
Posts: 228
Loc: East Coast
In my grade everyone is still testing out cuss words and names of anatomy. It's weird and awkward for me, usually I just tune them out. Sometimes it gets to me, like when people tell Michael Jackson jokes, those are the worst to me.

_________________________
Every corner, every city
There's a place where life's a little easy
Little Hennessy, laid back and cool
Every hour, cause it's all good
Leave all the stress from the world outside
Every wrong done will be alright
Nothin but peace, love
And street passion, every ghetto needs a thug mansion

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#43863 - 05/19/05 10:22 AM Re: How to handle jokes?
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
I just needed to add another two cents worth for thought -
I was thinking about all of the postings and the bottom line reason for these types of jokes. I have a neighbor who works for a news station. When a horrific tragedy occurs or they witness as newspeople something completely incomprehensible or so awful that they can't cope with it, they tend to make jokes for the first week or so. It's their way of dealing with the horrible things that happen.
Then, there are the jokes that make fun of minorities... I think that those stem from someone's need to make a group lesser than themselves. In other words, if I have poor self esteem, I tell a joke about a minority group and that makes them "beneath me."
What these people don't realize is that they are actually degrading themselves and perpetuating prejudice.
I've even seen members of minority groups call each other the same names that others call them. I think that this also serves to perpetuate prejudice.
I think the best way to deal with it is to not participate. If someone wants to know why I don't laugh, my response is always the same - no matter WHAT the joke is: I find it in bad taste and offensive to me.
that requires no explanation, nor do I have to divulge any personal information.

Sophiesdad

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#43864 - 05/19/05 08:21 PM Re: How to handle jokes?
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Sometimes I think that absurd situations create the best jokes.

Stevie Wonder called as a defence witness in the Michael Jackson case.

"And did you see anything untoward at Neverland Mr Wonder"?

Now come on - even the defence should have spotted that one a mile off!

I'm neither racist or against people with disabilities but that is one joke that anyone can see. It certainly does not detract from the case, but it does show how absurd these Hollywood types can be (oops does that belittle the minority group of celebrities?).

So the defence team has created the best Michael Jackson joke so far, without having a crack at the victims.

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#43865 - 05/21/05 05:08 AM Re: How to handle jokes?
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I have sometime have problem with jokes of other things that are personal to me,not just of abuse. Other things, like of race or religion, I have harder feeling of how to deal with them. So I just say 'ok' or nothing at all. But it seem wrong.

Andrei


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#43866 - 05/25/05 09:00 PM Re: How to handle jokes?
collegecapricorn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/04
Posts: 41
Loc: Providence, RI
Its funny that I would pick this post to read today...but I did. I came after being shown a "really funny" joke...pictures from last halloween. A good friend and co-worked went as a priest, not jsut any priest, but the preist with the blow up boy taped to his gown...extremely distastful and hard for me to take, looking at it like it was me again \:\( . I know people don't mean to do stuff like this and I usually am one all for the humor, but it still hurts....

cc

_________________________
The lessons you learn, not the destination, are the goal of a journey...
give 'um hell!

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#43867 - 05/26/05 12:52 PM Re: How to handle jokes?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Its good to see the discussion continues on this one. As I said before, I think this is really an important topic.

I already posted on this, but I thought I might add a point that guides me on such issues: Simply put, cruelty and brutality aren't funny, especially where children are concerned. However one "draws the line", this must surely lie way beyond it. It's a natural response to find this kind of "humor" offensive, and anyone who indulges in it deserves to be embarrassed by a comment from someone with some sense and sensitivity.

Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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