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#438142 - 06/14/13 01:46 AM Transient Paranoid Ideation
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Is anyone here familiar with this condition and willing to talk about it. 

I've experienced it twice in my life (once just recently, triggered by my joining this site and becoming aware of my diagnosis CSA) and it resulted in words and actions which affected significant relationship changes both times, and hurt feelings and confusion/mistrust in those I love. 

Both times it felt like something 'came over' me, a kind of situational vertigo, and forced my hand to create a boundary between myself and a set of relationships (first time was under the influence and had me packing my bags and moving across country). But both times, when the feeling passed, the impression of  certain danger/ill intent proved to be an intensified exaggeration of a mere possibility, rather than a reality. 

I now know that this is a secondary (possible) symptom of PTSD, which I'm pretty sure now that I have...I guess we all do. 

It's mind blowing to me that I have a place where I can share about this and people will understand it and respond thoughtfully and knowledgeably, rather than looking at me with pity like I'm some kind of crazy f*&%$head. 

Score one more for MS. 

Gold


Edited by GoldStone (06/16/13 02:15 AM)

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#438166 - 06/14/13 10:18 AM Re: Transient Paranoid Ideation [Re: GoldStone]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 744
Loc: Southeast USA
Well,

I've never been diagnosed with either TPI or PTSD, but my T believes I probably manifested characteristics of both in the aftermath of what happened to me. It's all hindsight, but I think there is something to it.

From what I understand, TPI is often stress-induced. I was under tremendous stress from being in a new school just a couple of weeks after my CSA experience. I had trouble with other kids...normal stuff like being relatively well-liked at my old school to being a nobody at the new school. While I did have a problem with a couple of other kids, I withdrew behind walls, because I trusted no one. I even pulled away from my parents. I didn't trust anyone. I kept my guard up all the time...and like you said, the apparent threat would pass and I was left wondering why I was so worried.

This coupled with out of control ADHD led to some really impulsive behavior. I know there is a danger of second guessing everything, but to this day I think two other things happened that made things worse.

First, I had a pretty severe concussion from playing football. Second, that same tackle that gave me a concussion also tore the meniscus in my left knee. A week or so later, I had surgery to repair the knee. After anesthesia, I was in a fog for several days. I know that I have no empirical evidence, but I believe the concussion, anesthesia, and ADHD converged after the CSA to make me more paranoid and impulsive. I was nervous...and at times withdrawn. Previously, I was more of an extrovert and a talker. I'd talk to anybody about anything. Add testosterone to the mix, and I was a moody, impulsive teenage boy who didn't take guff from anyone, even though I was afraid of the shadows in my room at night---like a toddler might be.

Here's what happened:
My parents noticed and took me to see a psych. because they thought I wasn't adjusting to the move we just made.I never mentioned the CSA. I played up the move and deflected suspicion away from anything else. The psych. Prescribed Elavil and Ritalin later on.

The Elavil managed to make me impotent...as a teenager! I got off of the stuff and stayed on Ritalin for the ADHD. The reason I mention this is that while my ADHD is under control, I'm less impulsive AND less likely to experience any PTSD-like symptoms--including TPI. I'm not saying I had/have either one, but I do recognize some of the classic traits associated with them.

As I got older and out of college, I stopped taking ADHD meds for a long time since that is a kid's disorder, right? Wrong. As I took on more job responsibilty, the ADHD issues of concentration and impulsiveness came back...and not so coincidentally, so did all of the CSA issues that had been buried. I pulled away and put up walls again until I couldn't do it any longer. That's when I told my wife, joined MS and saw a T about it. The T recognized the ADHD... I started medicating that again. Doing so really helped me focus on work, family, and taking on the CSA.

Sorry to ramble, but that's my take on it.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#438180 - 06/14/13 02:41 PM Re: Transient Paranoid Ideation [Re: GoldStone]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 04:29 PM)

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