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#82080 - 01/14/06 09:08 PM Inspired by Mysterious Skin
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
I know they're only words.
Common, ordinary, harmless.
But in a row, just so, they erase me,
Only not so much, anymore.

I know, I know, I know
It's over.
But it will never be gone.
Ghost in my machine.

Three and nine and twelve
Gone. Stuck. Gone.
Stuck. Gone.
Stone.
Mysterious Skin?

Growing up.
Mystery solved.
Left me on the ground.
Go slow.
Left behind.

Sit down. No.
Stand up. Why?
Would you? No.
Want to? Ha.

Leave it
a) behind?
b) alone?
c) where it lies?
d) NULL of the above.

NULL.
However else life proceeds, memory endures.

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#82081 - 01/21/06 09:17 PM Re: Inspired by Mysterious Skin
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
I realize that I have difficulty communicating. I sometimes start threads and then don't reply to the reponses, unless I'm asked a direct question.

And it seems that more often than not, If I make a reply, it's a thread-stopper. Members can check my post from 1/15 - I was really hoping to have a conversation about that one. Of course, now I won't, because I mentioned it. Go figure.

I also know that most of you don't know me that well. Those that do, don't seem to post here much anymore, which of course, I don't either.

Sometimes I feel like I've arrived at a party in a suit and tie, and everyone else is not only casual, but in shorts, or vice versa.

Or like a graduate student who finds he has less and less in common with the incoming classes.

I still have the need to check in here, offer an opinion when I feel it might help, see how everyone's doing.

For a long time, during a critical period in my life, this was the place where "Everybody Knows Your Name. And they're always glad you came."

So pretend I'm a new guy, and help me out here. What do you think of this poem? I felt very happy about and proud of the "stuck, gone, stone" section.

The word NULL is important to me for several reasons. It is a word I fear but have to deal with every day. NULL is a vital part of computers and databases, which occupy 60 hours a week of my time, energy, and thought.

NULL is not blank, or empty, or zero. NULL is nothing. And nothing is worse than nothing.

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#82082 - 01/21/06 10:28 PM Re: Inspired by Mysterious Skin
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Don,

I liked your poem but cannot connect to the film because I have not seen it. I did like this:

Quote:
I know, I know, I know
It's over.
But it will never be gone.
Ghost in my machine.
That's what so many new survivors don't realize. We get to heal and we get peace, but we don't get to forget the horror of what was done to us.

By "ghost in my machine" do you mean powerless? That is what I look for: the day when I can recall everything and still be secure in my conviction that none of it can hurt me any longer. It is just a "ghost" that poses no threat unless I fear it, which I CAN and DO refuse to do.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#82083 - 01/25/06 02:20 AM Re: Inspired by Mysterious Skin
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
Thanks Larry. I didn't intend powerless, although that is in there, and can be implied easily - "not so much anymore" & "it's over".

I used ghost in place of memory to indicate something both insubstantial and recognizable, but also, and most importantly, something that MUST be dealt with.

As well, the archetype, and pop culture associations with ghost are most likely to be something evil and/or to be feared.

I know I have some nerve calling this a poem. It starts that way, but after the second stanza it's too syncopated and esoteric to really be understood.

The Ghost in the Machine, is a take-off from Gilbert Ryle's work. In fact, since he called the human mind the "Ghost in Machine" of the body, my reference is actually to the Ghost in The Ghost in the machine.

Also in here are references to Cyndi Laupner, Springsteen, and computer internals, not to forget Mysterious Skin.

I think those last two words stand alone actually and resonate very strongly with just a little consideration. I found skin and what it could feel, what people did with it, pretty damned mysterious from a very young age. Sometimes, it still seems terribly curious.

Thanks again.

Donald

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#82084 - 01/25/06 07:45 PM Re: Inspired by Mysterious Skin
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sure thing Donald. I really liked your piece and it gives us a lot to think about.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#82085 - 01/29/06 04:36 PM Re: Inspired by Mysterious Skin
Josh1 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/06
Posts: 39
Loc: New York
I love the In a row they erase me line. The poem is well done. My sense is that it is struggling with the power and limitations of language. Trying to break through words to bullet points but then being thrust into the nullness of confusion. It captures a lot and brings up a lot. Good work.


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#82086 - 02/04/06 07:02 AM Re: Inspired by Mysterious Skin
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
Thanks, Josh. You really expressed the process, and the mental state that created this. I will only say that I wasn't trying to break through, it just happened, and for a moment it was like being beyond words, but only having words to express that.

If I said this poem aloud, it wouldn't be a reading, it would be a performance, a rant, a wail, and a plea.

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#82087 - 02/04/06 05:13 PM Re: Inspired by Mysterious Skin
Josh1 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/06
Posts: 39
Loc: New York
I think that one of the big challenges we face as survivors is finding the words, discovering the language to describe and understand our experience. On one hand, we are just folks living, struggling, grasping for happiness and cherishing it as long as we can. On the other hand, there is this force and power of experience, this strength of perseverance that binds us, that commits us to understanding and expressing our experience. More and more and more I am becoming convinced that it is so important for us to explore our voices, to rant, wail, and plea because if we stay silent, then the world stays silent. I look forward to reading more of your work.


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#438175 - 06/14/13 01:46 PM Re: Inspired by Mysterious Skin [Re: Don-NY]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3617
Loc: O Kanada
i listed "mysterious skin" as one of the most triggering movies i have ever seen.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=432579#Post432579
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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