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#43819 - 12/10/03 08:54 PM Re: I would rather be alone
duncan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/29/03
Posts: 36
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
i'm sorry i don't know what to tell you!

just what i am learning - along with the

meds -
duncan

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duncan

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#43820 - 12/11/03 12:25 AM Re: I would rather be alone
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I get the same way at times. And to be honest, I keep dreaming of moving to a tropical island and living there. Along with that, I would shoot anyone that attempted to get to my island. That is sort of how I feel right now. Between all the crap at work and this wonderful holidays season, I am just people'd out!

Of course my therapist said to give myself time and to just take it easy... allow myself the time I need to just step back and take care of myself. Harder to do sometimes than it looks.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#43821 - 12/11/03 01:26 AM Re: I would rather be alone
learning2remember Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 261
Loc: Europe
I think we all need some time alone and some time with others, but how much of each can very greatly among healthy people.

I've seen plenty of friends who loved being around people and it seemed they could never slow down to think. I'm not talking about party animals, just hypersocial friends of mine.

What I'm trying to say is that being alone isn't all bad.

I used to resent it when folks referred to someone as "painfully shy." I mean, who were they to suggest someone else should be more social?

I use the term painfully shy for folks who would like to be more outgoing but can't bring themselves to interact.

Would you like to have more friends, or do you just feel like you are supposed to have more friends? Just think about it.

_________________________
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

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#43822 - 12/11/03 03:25 PM Re: I would rather be alone
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
I'm definately someone who's content in my own company too.

I have a lot of really good friends, and when I'm hanging out with them, I usually happy as hell, but I'm just as content to be by myself. I can do what I want, I don't have to worry about pissing anyone else off, or any of that crap. And there are also time when I activley avoid other people. I'll avoid going home until really late and everyone is asleep. I have no idea why I do this, I guess I just don't want to have to deal with people that I know.

I'm not especially extroverted either. I'm conversational at work and school and with people I encoutner on a regular basis, put me in a new situation and I will sit and read or do my own thing.

I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid I would be content to sit in the corner and read or play with my toys (althought that doesn't mean it's not related to my SA because I was abused very young.)

I've been thinking about my antisocial tendencies lately, and I'm still trying to decide if it's a good thing or not. As soon as I come up with an answer Coming Undone I'll let you know \:\)

Eric


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#43823 - 12/11/03 04:28 PM Re: I would rather be alone
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
Quote:
I used to resent it when folks referred to someone as "painfully shy." I mean, who were they to suggest someone else should be more social?
For a long time and largely still shyness has been treated as an illness, something to be cured of or, more damagingly, something to be ashamed of.

A lot of us here know that that is not true. I hope the psychiatry-therapy-child rearing practictioners and proponents pick up on that soon.

Brett

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Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#43824 - 12/12/03 06:04 AM Re: I would rather be alone
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I suppose I am rather both parts. I have a hard time, very hard time, getting to know new people. It takes me long time to trust, and to feel comfortable at all. But once I do, I feel strongly the need for connection with those people I am friends with, comfortable with, and care so much of.

I think if you are questioning it, it seems to bother you. Does it bother you because you THINK you should be different, or does it really bother you? If you are worried because you are not living up to some expectation other then your own, that is nothing to worry of. There are so many expectations and stereotypes on us all by society, it would take our whole lives to miserably live up to half of them.

If it is something that actually does bother you and something that you do wish to change though, then that is something you can do. Anything, anything that is habit or ingrained in us, is hard to change. But if you are feeing like you wish to be more social (still not sure, since your subject says you would rather be alone), then you can work at that, little bit at a time. And I am sure that there is compromise that can be reached, so that you are happy with things, but also the people you care about (care enough about to wish them happy) are happy also.

I do not think I am making so much sense this morning, did not sleep well! I do wish you luck in dealing with this, and wish you the feeling of being comfortable with yourself. That is what it all 'comes down to'.

leosha

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Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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