I was always told that I was an "old soul" that my youthful face belied my instant empathy and uncanny emotional IQ. I was told that many times in my youth.
As I have approached, and then overtaken middle age, I became a champion of the "inner child" in us all. I was instantly attuned when others were being walked on and because I was such a large man (6'4" and ~300lbs) and also such a powerful presence, (very intelligent, articulate, and extroverted as well), I was in a unique place.
I was like a great grizzly bear...cuddly and funny, until you began separating the weaker members from the herd....then I became quite defiant, a true obstacle, and I earned my nickname.
I look and act 45, which is my true age.
In therapy I cringe and cry as a babe of just 8, 10, or 14.
I sob and grieve for the keen sense of abandonment, the acute sense of loss we all share...us broken boys all.
I rather like being old. I have awareness of my power today. I have a voice that stalks every corner of this world...silencing my thundering commands is a task no one seems capable of today, it is good that with so much anger, so much pain on tap, and so much power in my voice, body, and life that I am also reminded every day of the plight of my inner child. I still (Thank you higher power) remember what it is like to be ostracized, abused, used and thrown away...so I temper my outbursts, and watch for those poor hurt ones...we are everywhere you know.
How lucky I got to experience recovery and have some brakes on my behavior....I would not have been a very nice person without limits on my power....and it is so ironic that when a boy I was so downtrodden, to rise to such heights today as to reach down and help those other such broken men and boys as myself.
I hope I haven't seemed brash or overconfident, for I truly am grateful for humility.
(This is way to real to hit submit...but I am doing it anyway)