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#437665 - 06/10/13 02:27 PM Diapers.
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
I thought I would share a very specific issue for me. Well I say issue but it seems to be other peoples issue with this. Forgive me as im typing this on my phone and may be full of errors.

In no plane words, I like wearing adult diapers. I dont have a requirement to do so and never wet the bed, but still I have had this uncanny obsession since about the age of 5/6.

I wasnt able to forfil my needs of wearing until I was about 19, where I would go through this extreme paranoid ritual of organising delivery so no one would be home and so my shameful obsession coukd remain hidden.

I would go in a frenzy, I loved every second of wearing. And heres the kicker, it was rarely sexual excitement that gripped me, but it was just some weird euphoria that made me feel so happy as well as safe. I would rarely use the diapers as intended but more just to lay down and chill. Eventually or part of my daily life I would masterbate and then after think; "what the fuck are you doing, this is fucked up etc". So pretty much guilt.

After I ran out it could be months before I could have the chance to get more. This continued until my mother caught me.

That was an awkward conversation, I sobbed uncontrollably, panicked, felt wrong. My mother asked if i had been touched, I said no and burst into tears. I thought I hadn't, but felt so guilty, so ashamed, so intensely sad when I was caught.

She then asked me if i had an interest in children. This broke my heart. I'll not deny the shit that has popped in my head, but I know I do not have an interest. That is the diference between us and them, we know the difference.

Continued
This should be easier now I'm at home smile


She suggested I see a therapist, I didn't. I felt I could deal, but secretly I was living in the darkest parts of my mind. I grew to hate myself in secret and in silence, as I bathed in self loathing, I knew nothing else; I couldn't love myself and certainly did not want to love anyone else. I made excuses for not getting into relationships. I had gained a lot of weight from age 11 on, I totally changed myself and as someone already wound up in confusion and self hatrid, I could do nothing more than see how long I could last.

Diapers came and gone, I had some oppurtunities to do it when I had the house to myself for a week, but I kept the secret a hidden shame. I moved out at just under 2 years ago and only several days ago was I able to get some more after such a long break.

I have to say, my happiness levels the past few days has been unpresidented by a simple thing. It's easy to see it as a perversion or a malfunction, but even so; if it brings me such peace and tranquility without hurting anyone; how is that a bad thing?

Such is my thought recently, for anyone else struggling with this issue I read a very good article that has given me a different perspective. >>>> LINK <<<<

Quote:
The natural serotonin produced by the brain is unparalleled to any medication because serotonin reuptake inhibitors (medications) do not really solve the problem directly and can result in further mental symptoms. The benefits of the natural serotonin increase caused by wearing diapers include: increased happiness (anti-depressant), increased self-control, healthy personal management, healthy weight regulation, demonstrates natural benefits to the digestive system and cardiovascular system, increased self-confidence, healthy view of personal relationships, healthy financial management, remedies bedwetting, generates healthy relational parameters, healthy pursuit of opposite sex relationships, control of sexual urges, increased energy, helps insomnia, calms anxiety, resolves speech disorders, reduces obsessive compulsive disorder, promotes clear thinking. This increased serotonin level can resolve virtually any other hang-up the person suffers from. Generally, the positive results of using diapers for such a person far outweigh the negatives of the situation for most people. The negatives are usually the social stigma, fear of being discovered and found out, and fear of losing control of urinary and bowel functions completely.


Edited by Poorsoft (06/10/13 05:59 PM)

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#437678 - 06/10/13 04:56 PM Re: Diapers. [Re: Poorsoft]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Poorsoft,

You have a diaper fetish, or paraphilia. Somewhere along the way, it would seem that you had been touched, and that touching affected your arousal template.

Our departed brother LAD had a similar fetish, as do others here, I believe.

I am sorry that you struggle with this issue, but I would try to not feel so guilty about it. Sure, it's kinda weird, but you're not hurting anyone by doing it. Be mindful of your emotions and your memories when you act out with diapers and see if your unconscious mind gives you any clues on how to proceed.

Chin up, brother. It could be a lot worse. And when you get a chance, tell your mother that you might have indeed been touched but you do *not* have an interest in children.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#437685 - 06/10/13 06:00 PM Re: Diapers. [Re: Poorsoft]
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
Thanks man, I know LAD had the fettish, I wish I got to share with him some of the things I learned recently.

We were very alike in our issues.

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#437743 - 06/10/13 11:26 PM Re: Diapers. [Re: Poorsoft]
nel75 Offline


Registered: 03/24/13
Posts: 9
Hi there...my ex (a CSA survivor) had an extreme paraphilia for wearing women's underwear, nylons and shoes. Fetishes are much more common than you think and nothing to be ashamed of! I accepted him for his and loved him with all my heart for the man he was - how well he treated me while we were together. Based on things he told me, the only thing I could say to be careful of is this - apparently fetishes can become addictive (not always, but its a common pitfall, esp for those who have past traumas/PTSD). Any kind of sexual thoughts or behavior can become "addictive" if it becomes the ONLY way you can (or want to) relieve stress. My ex feared this with himself. He was more disturbed by his total obsession/dependence on wearing the stuff than having a "weird" fetish itself. I guess just try to be self aware about it, and know when its becoming a compulsion rather than just something harmless and enjoyable. To be a slave to anything that ends up isolating you from others is perhaps not such a good thing. But a fetish itself is harmless fun and there are MANY women (and men!) out there who like a partner who's a little sexually eccentric smile

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#437754 - 06/11/13 03:04 AM Re: Diapers. [Re: Poorsoft]
DRA Offline


Registered: 02/07/13
Posts: 47
Hi Poorsoft,

Congratulations. You've got a fetish. Seriously, that's pretty awesome and while our heteronormative (strait-loving, vanilla sex) culture can project shame around fetishes, the rest of us who don't fit that mold carve out our own sexual niche and seem to do just fine with a consenting partner.

About a year before I began confronting my CSA, I started reading Savage Love by Dan Savage. The URL connects to an archive of his columns going back to 1999 and this is a text copy of the URL: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?archives=all . Savage Love is a sex positive advice column and is snarky to a point that reading it requires a sense of humor. Having read what he's written made me much more comfortable with my own sexuality and made confronting my own CSA much more doable. But I warn you that as an advice column, most people have written in for help in problematic situations. To me, those situations represent extremes to which I don't want to fall while at the same time reminding me that real people do have real issues with sex and relationships. Yes, he has written about diaper fetishes and the two columns that I've read are about issues someone is having with a significant other who has a diaper fetish. And I caution you that both the letters and Dan's replies could be triggering. So I'd suggest reading several non-diaper related columns to get a flavor for his style before you dive into them.
_________________________
Strength in power is a false victory rooted in vapid grandiosity. Strength in character and integrity is the freedom to act righteously irrespective of the surrounding pressure. True power is the presence of mind to live with character and integrity.

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#437819 - 06/11/13 04:39 PM Re: Diapers. [Re: Poorsoft]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 04:09 PM)

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