Newest Members
JimHouston42, GKB, MorganWut, myrlin, AaronS
12466 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
BobbyJay (53), john50049 (57), Samii (34)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 23 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12466 Members
74 Forums
64014 Topics
446752 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#437536 - 06/09/13 01:54 PM Re: Hell of a spot to be in. Other victim disclosure [Re: pow]
Rustam Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 471
Loc: UK
I see the police point about witness tampering; his defence could use that argument. I think with a serial abuser, it is does not have to be about punishment they are really not safe to be in the community, the potential for further damage is too great. I am not sure what I would do about giving the names, it is very difficult. Other possible victims have the same choice you made and can come forward.

It is a hugely courageous and admirable thing you are doing, breaking the silence for the kid you were and preventing future victims.
Good Luck

Top
#437537 - 06/09/13 01:56 PM Re: Hell of a spot to be in. Other victim disclosure [Re: pow]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 04:05 PM)

Top
#437602 - 06/09/13 11:40 PM Re: Hell of a spot to be in. Other victim disclosure [Re: pow]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 825
Loc: Ohio
pow,

I haven't been posting in a while and I haven't read your story. But I will say this: There is no way you can really know where the other two boys are at in their emotional lives.

That being said, I have two parts of myself to share for you.

First, if I were contacted now, it would be a relief. The worst abuser is dead now, but there is one that is not and he is not in prison. There were certain points that my recall may not have been helpful. There is also the possibility that they could be triggered in a bad way. It could also lead them to face their pain and its consequences.

Second, one of my abusers was a man who was let out of prison. He was older. He doped my drink and abused me, taking pictures. Another person familiar with his past got wind of my taking up this guys invitation for a visit and called his parole officer, who promptly did the right thing and bounced him back to prison on getting a minor into his home. I was never contacted but I really wish he had never been let out...it led to a serious suicide attempt that only failed because I passed out before I could complete it.

Both scenarios could lead to a suicide or bad consequences. Although one is likely to result in more victims while the other could allow them to have an opportunity at justice which may bring them peace. Given that, I would opt for increasing the likelihood that this predator continue to be caged by disclosing. You also would have to trust that because the police are willing to follow up, that they will be careful in their approach.
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#437605 - 06/09/13 11:58 PM Re: Hell of a spot to be in. Other victim disclosure [Re: pow]
DRA Offline


Registered: 02/07/13
Posts: 47
One question:

Have you asked the cops or DA if they've done this before and how they've handled it? Asked them for a detailed description? They may have tools in place to handle fall out and I'd be surprised if, even if it's a cold call, that they are tactless.

-DRA
_________________________
Strength in power is a false victory rooted in vapid grandiosity. Strength in character and integrity is the freedom to act righteously irrespective of the surrounding pressure. True power is the presence of mind to live with character and integrity.

Top
#437689 - 06/10/13 06:28 PM Re: Hell of a spot to be in. Other victim disclosure [Re: DRA]
pow Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 16
DRA,
I don't know their experience with approaching victims, but I have tried to convey how cautious I would be if I were to approach these guys. I have decided that I am going to roll the dice on my own case. It is the truth. If I can't stand on the truth what else is there to stand on.
POW

Top
#437694 - 06/10/13 06:42 PM Re: Hell of a spot to be in. Other victim disclosure [Re: pow]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
POW,

Your decision to go it alone is a brave choice, but also a risky one. It could boil down to a he-said/he-said situation, which it won't really because he is already incarcerated so his credibility will be zero -- which is good news for your decision to go it alone.

However, with other victims saying the same thing in chorus, you have a much better chance of putting him away for good.

It is true that you don't know where the other victims are in their lives, but you also don't know if they *want* to prosecute the bastard but just don't know they have the opportunity.

It's OK to upset someone with news that they have the opportunity to prosecute. Think about letting them make that decision instead of you making it for them by deciding to go alone.

I understand it's a tough choice, and I greatly respect your decision, because it's the harder one to make... but don't feel like you *must* do it that way.

It's OK.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#437695 - 06/10/13 06:42 PM Re: Hell of a spot to be in. Other victim disclosure [Re: catfish86]
pow Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 16
Catfish,
Thanks for sharing. I am sorry that an ex-con got to you like that. My T told me that there is no way in hell that these psychopaths can heal, ever, not in prison or anywhere else. It's sad and hard to believe.

Everyone who has commented has helped me to figure out what to do. Your insight is greatly appreciated.

Before my perp got to me he held a gun to a boys head while he abused him. He did this under the guise of a religious leader, with me he even stayed in uniform. I thought he was going to be my friend when he took me to his office. I had no idea what he had in store for me.
Selfishly, one of the things I want is to see this mother fucker in court and stare right into his eyes. Stare at him like he stared at me when I was a kid after he did what he did and I thought he was going to kill me. He drove me to a swamp when he did this stare intimidation crap. I can promise you, I am going to do everything I can to keep this guy behind bars. However, I can't drop this on unsuspecting victims. I just can't do that. I won't.

Top
#437701 - 06/10/13 07:13 PM Re: Hell of a spot to be in. Other victim disclosure [Re: pow]
Climb1975 Offline


Registered: 05/21/13
Posts: 21
Loc: Brit
Pow - your situation is incredibly difficult. I think if the police are advising against contact then taking on the challenge alone is the right course. I'm grappling with the idea of contacting some of the other victims of the person who abused me. One of these is my brother. We would both say we have a good relationship and yet I've never discussed with him this huge issue in both our lives. If someone had reached out to me from a position of having faced the awful history and said 'I'm here to help, it happened to me' it would have made a massive difference. It might also have saved me from years of self-destructive behaviour. I am just wondering if the detective will let you do a staged contact - he makes first contact and as part of that says that 'our investigations have shown another victim, who is happy to talk to you if you are willing'. I realise this might all get a bit complicated and there are no easy options. Whatever you choose, you are being strong. I salute you.

Top
#437853 - 06/11/13 06:44 PM Re: Hell of a spot to be in. Other victim disclosure [Re: pow]
George Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/01
Posts: 122
Loc: NY metro

I would tell them who I thought were victims, they probably already have a good idea of who (boys) were available to him to victimize, you'd just be helping them narrow down their scope. It might cause some pain, but the damage has already been done, this would at least hopefully help them get the healing they need.

14 years ago I made a report to the DA about my uncle, it was passed the statute of limitations by then, but still put him on their radar. I sweated the few days before going down there, they would only take a report in person. I made it there... I was determined to do it. Soon I was talking to a detective / DA spilling my guts. The guy was very cool, made me at ease. I have to tell you, I felt great walking out of that place, like I gained back some stolen power. I tell you this so you know, I know what it's like to deal with the authorities over S/A.

I would think that the authorities on your end want to keep this perp in jail and will proceed with caution & care when approaching the other guys you might name. They don't want to screw it up either.

That's my 2 cents smile

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.