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#437451 - 06/08/13 07:18 PM !
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 07:25 PM)

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#437453 - 06/08/13 07:22 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Nathan LaChine Offline
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Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Good for you Pride is usually so much fun and full of easy going people. I love Pride so looking forward to Seattle's Pride at the end of the month.

Nathan

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#437457 - 06/08/13 08:24 PM ! [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Registered: 03/25/12
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 07:25 PM)

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#437592 - 06/09/13 10:10 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Magellan Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Lived in San Francisco 20 years now. The first few years I had a great time celebrating pride. Even marched in the parade a couple times.

This past - 7 years though, I've come to dislike it more and more. Because I haven't had anyone or a circle of friends to hang out with. Feels like the whole world celebrates around me and I am left out because I don't want to be in a crowd by myself.

I love the festivities and the gawking and the celebration though. I had a spiritual experience on my 3rd gay pride, it was the first time I felt like I belonged to a group of people.

I so wish to have days like that as a normal part of my life.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#437841 - 06/11/13 05:33 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
bodyguard8367 Offline
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Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
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Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 04:12 PM)

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#438492 - 06/17/13 08:12 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
bodyguard8367 Offline
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Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
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Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 04:12 PM)

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#438518 - 06/18/13 12:17 AM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Wow bg u always hit it out of the park.

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#438537 - 06/18/13 07:36 AM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: bodyguard8367]
Lancer Offline
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Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: bodyguard8367

The Young generation will never know what it was like to come out when it was "not done" when gay sex was what happened in the dark or away from prying eyes...


Not to go completely off-topic, but there are unfortunately enuf instances of shame and hiding - primarily in highly religious organizations/families - that the stigma we've suffered won't be soon forgotten, imo. To wit, the lesbian just expelled from a "faith-based" school and then hit with a demand for restitution of $6000 worth of tuition, expenses, etc.(http://gazette.com/article/feed/13932)

Yeah, bg, I kinda scratch my head over organizations like Dignity - not to offend - but I figure whatever blows your skirt up. shocked

A good example of what it was like Back in the Day is a classic 1962 movie "Advise and Consent" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advise_%26_Consent_(film)). I think it's on Netflix. The subplot is a young married senator blackmailed for a homosexual affair he had while in the service in Hawaii. He commits suicide. A far cry from former NJ governor Jim McGreevey, 40 years later. Particularly accurate is the unmarked, nondescript entrance to a gay bar very similar to my first gay bar in the early 70s, about ten years after the film was made.

Back to the parade. In one sense, this kind of freedom is something for which we've fought for decades and it does my heart good to see it. And, yeah, being able to be out and celebrate without a second thought, imo, is one demonstration of that goal realized.

What annoys me is Boomers and younger who are still closeted. ("But you don't understand!"...in fact, yes I do and I made the choice NOT to be...a sissy about it). Unless their professionally pursuing a homophobic agenda as an expression of their own internalized homophobia, I leave 'em alone, at arm's length and let 'em figgur it out themselves. Hell, I'm not their damn therapist. Nor do I care to hear about their issues. It's tired. It's old news. Recently had that with a client and I simply sidestep his issues to deal with the unrelated task immediately at hand.

Frankly, too, I'll admit some resentment. I haven't put up with a life's worth of abuse - the closet was a significant factor in my CSA by a high school guidance counselor - vilification, vandalism and threats so some jerk can keep hiding as though it was 1960.

lol...I'll say it. Being gay is not for sissies. wink

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#438845 - 06/21/13 06:01 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1127
Loc: New York
Hey Gary,

That's harsh to get triggered over a stain. My mother would starch the hell out of my shirts and the collars were so hard I thought that I would cut my neck, I hated that. Till this day nothing gets starched. If I had to wear one I would not be able to think.

Are you talking about gay families. If are then back in the '60s and '70s there weren't such things. Just 2 faggots walking together. When I'm in the village I see guys with kids. Being LGBT there is just as normal as being straight. Times are changing in a lot of places. You still have some redneck areas in the city.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#438848 - 06/21/13 06:41 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Lancer]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1127
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: Lancer
.....but there are unfortunately enuf instances of shame and hiding - primarily in highly religious organizations/families - that the stigma we've suffered won't be soon forgotten, imo. To wit, the lesbian just expelled from a "faith-based" school and then hit with a demand for restitution of $6000 worth of tuition, expenses, etc.(http://gazette.com/article/feed/13932)

This is 100% true. There was supposed to be no cohabitation between church and state. But this is what's happening all over the country. If you have the political power then you can keep laws from passing and people in the closet. The government is supposed to be asexual.

Originally Posted By: Lancer
....so some jerk can keep hiding as though it was 1960.

lol...I'll say it. Being gay is not for sissies. wink
Being gay is for anyone. You don't have to have big balls to be LGBT.

In the '60s I didn't know from gay. I had my boyfriends and no girlfriends. Faggots were anti war protesters and hippies with long hair. I wasn't a war protester I was a prostitute so when I was called a faggot I thought that they were calling me names to hurt me because I usually had long blond hair.

I thought that when the time comes I get girlfriends like the other kids. But that never happened. I was born into a non religious home and after I got out of the USAF at 21 I went to live in a religious community. Then when I turned 26 people were telling me that I should get married but that wasn't happening until I was pushed into a marriage. I was married in only 5 weeks. That woman is my partner but not sexually. 3 years after I got married I still didn't know what to do with a woman. Since I was 10 (before 10 is a blank) I always slept naked and usually with my best friend. He was also a prostitute. After I got married I started wearing underwear to bed and when I was with her. (We slept in separate beds). I am in the closet and I probably won't come out of that closet. To do so would ruin my kids families. So you see I cannot come out, I am stuck in a world that I don't believe in but I have normal (non fanatical) straight kids except for one that's gay. So I am still in the closet not because of the size of my balls but because I don't think you know how cruel religions can be if you don't adhere to the official lifestyle. So I will probably go to my grave with that. wink

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#438876 - 06/22/13 08:43 AM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 758
Loc: upper south
Gary, that's some great stuff!! It's a tremendous breakthrough to be able to talk to so many strangers ... all in one day's time. Good for you, guy. Proud of you.
b

btw... I haven't heard the term "fit" used in a very good while. Sounds like my lingo when I am in a "safe" place. Love it.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#438898 - 06/22/13 06:03 PM ! [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 07:56 PM)

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#438991 - 06/23/13 05:38 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: lapchinj]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 385
Loc: west coast
I am in the closet and I probably won't come out of that closet. To do so would ruin my kids families. So you see I cannot come out, I am stuck in a world that I don't believe in but I have normal (non fanatical) straight kids except for one that's gay. So I am still in the closet not because of the size of my balls but because I don't think you know how cruel religions can be if you don't adhere to the official lifestyle. So I will probably go to my grave with that. wink

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff



Wow
I read this and my heart sinks

Jeff , no one can know your experience or reality but you.

You have normal kids, so you can't possibly know how their reaction would be about their gay dad. I thought I would be shunned and rejected, but dispute some minor things there has been overwhelming acceptance, cuz I finally accepted myself. When i became good with it so did others , especially my kids. We have no powers to see the future. We color it with insecurity and fear. All the what ifs .
What if:
- your kids just love you
- your wife finally understands you
- your intolerant church sees that you are still the same person, so you will find out if they are either "finger waggers or true speakers " , if the former, you will have to ask yourself if you and your family belong there.
- you could counter cruelty with kindness and compassion.

What if all the fears and scenarios play out so differently. How great would you feel if you could be loved and accepted for who you are. What courage would that show your children. What courage.

We all come to it in our own time. Three years ago I would have said I cannot either. Sadly it took near disaster to break free. Now from this side I see I was in mind shackled manacles of my own making.

My heart is with you. Living two lives is so painful. Not carrying that weight anymore has been unbelieveable.

What if you could breath?

Big hugz
Grant
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#438998 - 06/23/13 07:37 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
fwiw, I guess now is as good a time as any to reference this article: http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/21/opinion/obeidallah-death-regret/index.html?iref=allsearch

For me, it's not all just about coming out. You folks know I was diagnosed with HIV 20+ years ago and, at the time, given 5-7 years to live. Similar to what another guy on this thread experienced. So I did what I'd always wanted to do while I could still do it...refurbished a house, travelled the world. Today I'm in a position to do neither and have great memories/experiences and few regrets over what I DIDN'T do.

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#439365 - 06/27/13 02:55 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Looks like I'll be celebrating this pride after all.

I'm taking some risks - I've asked a couple of people I've known for a long while (one, I dated for a couple months 8 years ago). I'm really ambivilant about any sexual feelings I have (I don't think I do) towards them - but I am certainly curious to know them better as people. They're unique individuals that spark my curiosity.

So I took the risk and they both said 'yes' and it looks like I'll be going out and celebrating for the first time in a few years.

Yay!
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#439373 - 06/27/13 04:46 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
bodyguard8367 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 04:36 PM)

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#439416 - 06/28/13 12:08 AM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1127
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: 1lifenow
What if:
- your kids just love you
- your wife finally understands you
- your intolerant church sees that you are still the same person, so you will find out if they are either "finger waggers or true speakers " , if the former, you will have to ask yourself if you and your family belong there.
- you could counter cruelty with kindness and compassion.

What if all the fears and scenarios play out so differently. How great would you feel if you could be loved and accepted for who you are. What courage would that show your children. What courage.

All I can say is that intimidation runs rampant in religious circles. If I would come out my kids would suffer because they would have trouble sending their kids to religious schools because the grandfather is a faggot. He was molested because of his wickedness. Etc, etc, etc.... I have no problem fucking around with my legacy if I didn't have to worry what others would say. I'm not afraid of my family but why rock the boat. What they don't know won't hurt them or have any detrimental affects on any part of the family. I've hidden for over 40 years another couple of years won't hurt.

That's a good article Lancer. I have one regret and that's not having a childhood. My childhood, those 9 years, killed the things I wanted to do like play with my kids, roll around on the front lawn with my kids, change diapers, hold my grandchildren. This is what I would have told that nurse in the article. If I can't have these couple of things then there isn't anything else I need. I'm just killing time.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#439509 - 06/29/13 08:34 AM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Kadin Offline


Registered: 06/25/13
Posts: 8
I have a hard time seeing myself at a Gay Pride event. Not because I'm not proud but because I just don't go to big events like that. I guess I'm a small town guy. I do have a couple friends coming up from the city today and tomorrow we are doing a brunch along with a couple local friends so I will call that our Gay Pride celebration!

I just came out myself in December after not being with another man since around High School and a 30 year marriage. I made a "coming out" video to tell my family and the family of my late wife. It is difficult after living straight your whole life, to come out to a world of people who never had a clue I was gay but now that I have I am quite happy about it.

Also, I wanted to say that I used to come here before I came out but not in quite awhile and I had the user name Elad12. I'm coming now mostly for this particular forum to be in touch with other gay survivors of CSA.
Is it okay to post a link to my video here? If so I'd share it with you guys.

Thanks

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#439519 - 06/29/13 12:36 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1127
Loc: New York
Hey Kadin,

I can't see why you wouldn't be able to link to it as long as it is non triggering.

I guess we can all say welcome back but sorry you have to be here.

Sorry about your wife.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#439528 - 06/29/13 02:51 PM ! [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 08:01 PM)

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#439532 - 06/29/13 03:08 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Kadin Offline


Registered: 06/25/13
Posts: 8
Thank you Jeff smile

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#439539 - 06/29/13 05:14 PM Re: Pride 2013 [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1127
Loc: New York
Hey Gary,

You know my story. There are things we live with all the time that we don't like, like eating my peas as a kid, making porn movies as a kid. My wife has been a good partner over the years, really good mother to our kids. It never was a really sexual relationship but you get used to it and she's a very good, gentle and kind person. Yeah it would be near perfect if she was a man but that's not the way the cards played out. in the '70s if you wanted to have a family you had to have a wife and gay was still a sickness until I think around '73. So the wife had to be a female. A single person couldn't adopt a child back then and forget about it if they knew you were gay. So there were a lot of gay people who got married to women back then. I really don't plan on making it into my 70's so I don't have to worry about something I never had once I got out of the USAF. I've been hiding my whole life so what's a few more years frown.

They say that the 60's was the sexual revolution where there was sex in the streets in the village, San Francisco and other places. But that was said about sex and not gay. There was no LGBT in the '60s that I know of. the only faggots I knew were anti war protesters and anyone with long hair or associated with hippies. Since my hair was usually long unless I couldn't get back into school, so I was a hippie and a faggot. I wasn't into war protesting until I got out of the USAF in '71. Then I became a real card carrying faggot grin. Yeah I forgot that faggots were also called maggots, so I was a little maggot to the seniors and other bullies in my high school.

Peace, Rainbows, Love & Healing
Jeff
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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