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#435025 - 05/18/13 12:35 AM female trust issues still
Aries1984 Offline


Registered: 04/08/12
Posts: 29
Loc: Chicago
Hey all,
Been awhile since I've been on but one thing I noticed recently it's that men i am ok around but women, well they scare the hell out of me. The only female I am actually comfortable, excluding family cause them I'm comfortable around them, is my girlfriend. Being that females are as much around as males, walking the streets, in stores, etc.. I really don't know what to do. It can get frustrating sometimes and then i find myself getting agitated quickly, my bosses are female and there are alot of females in the AA meetings i go to (they are touchy, like to hug instead of shake hands) and it makes me uncomfortable. Luckily i can and do talk to my girlfriend about these things and she understands the fact I was sexually assualted and helps me through alot. I tend to become withdrawn and "shy" around females, very anxious and have to leave the room sometimes to gain my composure back. I know they won't hurt me and thinking its the PTSD but i aint sure. Hope someone can help. Thanks.


Edited by Aries1984 (05/18/13 04:49 PM)
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#435306 - 05/20/13 10:29 PM Re: female trust issues still [Re: Aries1984]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Hello Aries,

I too was abused by a female who had authority over me. Actually I had physical and sexual abuse by two females over me, phew! I became very intimidated and passive around females, which led me to my first encounter, a fort, a girl, french kissing.., then she became a lesbian. Really, sigh. Well I was like 12 or 13, so I can let that go.

I think we as survivors of female abuse can become comfortable with females because.., well, there is like 7 billion ppl on the earth and what, roughly half of them are female, right? that is a lot of ppl to keep track of.

Seriously, females are not our problem, just one or two ppl that controlled, manipulated and crushed us. So if we can somehow see that, that it was a monster, a troubled soul or a hurt person instead of color, race or gender, we might be able to see the real problem. We were not abused by females, but by a perpetrator that is in our past and in all probability, untouchable. So it is up to us to let go of the abuser, to find comfort in those around us who want us to succeed in healing. I know that much of the trauma healing process was initiated and continued by females, the male healing organization owes a great deal to them as a group. They are empathetic, compassionate and supportive, a trifecta that is conducive to thriving healing.

Perhaps this will help you begin to heal from our shared anxiety fellow survivor, it has helped me in my path.

Sam
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#435321 - 05/21/13 12:43 AM Re: female trust issues still [Re: Aries1984]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3517
Loc: O Kanada
since i was abused by both males and females, i ended up feeling same way as you do, Aries1984, but toward the male half of the population. i guess i had a choice.
i couldn't be uncomfortable around the entire human race.

but i had my share of issues with my prejudice and bias against both genders. i just felt worse around men than the women.
i agree with SamV... we are dealing with individuals, not groups. this soul disease has no favourites. everyone can be infected.
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#435543 - 05/22/13 11:23 PM Re: female trust issues still [Re: Aries1984]
BraveFalcon Online   content
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1144
Loc: The ATL

Hi Aries. Man, it sucks that you have so much trouble around females but at least you feel comfortable around your girlfriend so perhaps that is a start. I personally don't have much of a problem around females in general unless and until it seems like they might be interested in something more than a platonic relationship. That's when I run for the hills with my tail between my legs.

I wonder, what is it about your girlfriend that makes her feel safe where other females don't? How was it you were able to get close enough to her to become her significant other without your anxiety and the discomfort that females tend to generate in you getting in the way? If you can answer those questions, perhaps you can use those answers as a catalyst for further recovery. Perhaps that's off-base but it's just a thought. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#436981 - 06/05/13 04:30 PM Re: female trust issues still [Re: Aries1984]
COSC Offline


Registered: 08/13/12
Posts: 63
Loc: UK
I have exactly the same troubles around females - I was abuse by woman forcing me to do acts on them and their boyfriends. So I get the same PTSD symptoms esp in group situations where there are both males and females, I freeze up badly, act strange etc. feel extremely embarrassed and ashammed and judged, can't speak etc.. I basically feel like that little child I once was not knowing what to do. Horrible stuff, I feel you pain man.

Wish I could offer some help other than to say I understand your problems.

take it easy

Oz



Edited by Unknown1 (06/05/13 04:33 PM)
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The virtue of mental anguish... is the provision of strength and resilience each time clarity's reclaimed. For my success, I owe it all,
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#438336 - 06/16/13 02:09 AM . [Re: Aries1984]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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