there is no need for hyperboly here. Your story has many tragic events related, if there was DNA evidence then its air tight. Having said that your math reveals you were abused and molested more than once a day before age 5. Allegedly?
I have exaggerated nothing. The events from my early childhood are as told to me by family members. I don't remember any of it.
You say you screamed your daddy would be taken away. It is remarkable that a 5 year old would have such working knowledge of the law.
I didn't know myself as a toddler but I suspect I was only averagely intelligent. My grandmother told me that I was afraid my dad would be taken away. According to her, my father told me if I told anyone about what happened he would be taken from me and I'd never see him again. But again, that is just the way it was told to me.
Staying awake for 9 days is incredibly unlikely for a teenager. Physiologically its so unlikely , I think the record is 11 days and even that is called into question because of the microsleeping people do.
This was a long time ago so I can't remember if any few-seconds-at-a-time nodding off happened, although I suppose its entirely possible. I do remember never actually going to sleep though.
Somehow the conversation turns sexual almost instantly where he is concerned. If he denied the molestation in one breath, why come onto to you in the next. Then you say you accept his denial that there was sexual contact and we proceeded to fall into this sick relationship that quickly progressed from a seemingly father/son bond to a very strong romantic/sexual love.
Our relationship was never a typical father/son relationship. I liked to pretend it was, though. I can only speak for me but the way I view my father has for a long time been laced with sexuality. And as far as his thoughts of me, I know he said he loved me and said a lot of fatherly things in addition to flirting that was hard for me to pick up on at first. His advances only recently became more blatant and my acceptance of them is deeply humiliating and regretted.
Also, he didn't deny in one breath and admit in the next and I never said that he did. I said he previously denied it... That denial happened well before the recent encounter. He since has said he didn't mean any harm by the note and only used a $5 because that's all he had in his pocket. He also originally told me he left because he thought I needed to be alone. Later he said he just didn't want to come clean about what happened when I was a child face-to-face but felt that he needed to be honest with me. That is of little importance though since, even though I "accepted" his denial of having abused me, I knew in reality that he did.
What's so confusing is both how you say you feel and a real sense that calls into question whether your story is really real. I have read some of your other posts and it only furthers that suspicion. The story of him doing a 4 hour trip in 3. The $5 note which would leave evidence of the abuse which you say he denied and you accepted. I cant say if this story is not real, because I have met and befriended many men who have suffered from the effects of a sexual relationship with parents. Its very strange how you YADA YADA shit:
- he denied it, yada yada I accepted that
- he said there was no sex , yada yada we had sex
- he wasn't around, yada yada he was a great influence in my life
I yada yada sh*t? I haven't read any of your posts so I'm not sure of your own story and I can't speak for you but for me this wasn't easy. I realize that my writing is probably disjointed and some details are omitted for the sake of keeping the post as short as possible. So perhaps thats why I seem to "yada yada" sh*t.
I don't doubt this could have happened. One of my buddies mother tried to coerce him into sex when she was near death. So it does happen. Maybe like one of the things we talked about in group how CSA survivors have learned the art of lying as a tool for protection. So maybe there is a kernel of truth and the rest is embellishment, aka 2,600 times ( counted by who, confirmed by who, admitted by who?) DNA evidence, well that is irrefutable. The rest of the prose reads like a film noir.
I am going to apologize ahead of time if I am wrong but something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Just my humble opinion.
I hope you are able to find the help and comfort you need.
Since coming to MS I've encountered very kind and supportive people who have made me realize that I'm not alone with my struggles. I've met people who have had remarkably similar experiences and they assured me that everything I was feeling is normal and are helping me to feel like less and less of a freak of nature everyday.
Now I can say I've interacted with someone who reminds me a lot of my father's side of the family. They doubt everything too. They even maintain that he is completely innocent. My mom's side of the family have been called liars and exaggerators for most of my life by his side of the family because of what happened in my early childhood.
This is the first time I've actually tried to talk about these things and I was under the assumption that this was a safe place to do so and I wouldn't be judged. I didn't stop to think that my word would be questioned.
I'm not the type of person who likes attention...one of the reasons I love the idea of anonymity this site offers... but I can't think of why I or anyone else would stretch the truth here on MS. And to think, I've only given tidbits and not the full stories. This feeling I have right now is why I've never tried seeking help or support in the past.
I'll admit, I'm a coward...so I can't really say exactly what I'm thinking and feeling about everything you just said but I appreciate your feedback, I suppose. Thanks, 1lifenow.