Newest Members
Anony_mous, Drew6991x, Miro, jj843, The Abyss
12364 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
gryffindor (67), KevinSweeney (57), latinflavor815 (52), latin_flavor_815 (52), RTMark (33), sabooka (35), southpaw10 (46)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 16 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12364 Members
74 Forums
63546 Topics
443994 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#436521 - 06/01/13 10:57 PM Wanting to help my LO, not sure how
Inquisitive Offline


Registered: 05/31/13
Posts: 5
Hello. I'm new here and posted my intro in the area for it. I have so many questions. I think my LO was molested, abused (I don't know if the terms are the same) or not.
I have serious suspicions he was as a child(he's 50 now). This week I was tasked with cleaning his email out, where I found an exchange setting up a sexual encounter from a Craigslist ad. I also found an email mentioning counseling and him figuring out things finally or starting to. This was 2yrs ago. He hasn't had email since a few months after the ones I discovered. We have discussed an event in his teens where he engaged in oral sex of some kind with a male. He daughters counseling. He says he has always been body conscious and sex was a huge horrible thing in his home growing up. Hrs very personal so his sharing even that is a big thing. He doesn't know what I found yet and I don't know what my next step should be. I was so tortured by this that all week I couldn't function and was tense so much that when finally he called and I heard his voice I burst into tears. I just told him I was so stressed with the worst week of my life. I said we could talk about it in person later. I want desperately to let him know I love him no matter what. My love isn't dependent on his sexual preferences. I'd like for him to not have any desire for encounters with males but that's not my priority. I want to talk to him and let him know I still love him and won't run away. That he's got nothing to be ashamed of or fearful of. Myself I'm terrified he will freak if he knows that his secret is known, even if it is me. His shame and his stories of what he remembers from growing up really lead me to believe he was molested by someone in some way. He's also told stories of a family member that raped their daughter or daughters and other family beat the man up. There are quite a few things that have previously caught my attention and now with this discovery I think if its true he needs some type of help. He shouldn't feel that he is unworthy of love or that he's shameful of anything. I need advice on how I approach this with him. I kind of can compare the times he's said something hinting at more as a sponge or bucket that has absorbed all it can hold and now little leaks are appearing. He's leaking and I want to help him. Thanks for reading and any help is welcome.

Top
#436559 - 06/02/13 10:12 AM Re: Wanting to help my LO, not sure how [Re: Inquisitive]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
I don't have time now to respond in a significant way to you. (not quite sure I know what I want to say either) But don't assume that his encounter is an indicator of his sexual preference.

I don't know if this will help. Older People Surviving Child Sexual Abuse

Top
#436617 - 06/02/13 08:33 PM Re: Wanting to help my LO, not sure how [Re: Candu]
Inquisitive Offline


Registered: 05/31/13
Posts: 5
Thank you for responding. I'm so desperate for advice. I hope you can come back when you've more time. Thanks for the reading as well.

Top
#436665 - 06/03/13 11:41 AM Re: Wanting to help my LO, not sure how [Re: Inquisitive]
Inquisitive Offline


Registered: 05/31/13
Posts: 5
I happened across a journal entry he wrote yrs back. In it he says he has started to recognize that during childhood to teens, sex in his home was very taboo and entirely unacceptable. His dad ignored teaching about basics like even erections and puberty, while his mom tried to make sure sex didn't exist. He was ashamed to masturbate and stopped for years because he was too confused and upset by the good feelings mixed with the shame and taboo nature of it. In the journal he writes that he doesn't write it for self pity but rather to highlight it in his min that he wasn't the wrong one they were. That by late 20s he'd realized they were at fault and that his upbringing had confused and scared him while his natural desire to explore himself and know about sex was directly opposed to the taboo nature and deep shame.
I was reading in a mother "room", about how when they felt depressed they either felt gay or engaged in Those types of activities. My original posting mentions my reason for landing her being the emails I found regarding sex on Craigslist. He was at one of the lowest and most stressful times. He admits to thinking of suicide so reading how some men feel that when when depressed makes me wonder I that could be some of his reasoning or what caused the need for the same sex ad and encounter. I really need advice and hope that someone can help me figure all this out. I spoke with a man who is gay and he believes that abuse doesn't cause you to look for certain sexual experiences, he just believes my LO is on the DL and will never admit to it or stop. I disagree with him and I do think abuse, maybe even mental abuse can cause so much damage.

Top
#436699 - 06/03/13 04:43 PM Re: Wanting to help my LO, not sure how [Re: Inquisitive]
Inquisitive Offline


Registered: 05/31/13
Posts: 5
Thanks anyway.

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.