I'm dating a guy who has experienced ASA, and has not sought help. (We were friends before, so he admitted his ASA to me awhile back.) Because we're only dating and not in a committed relationship, there are certain topics of conversation that I won't bring up until I can feel he trusts me enough.
Anyway, what I notice is he has intimacy issues, which I can see from reading these forums is normal. He's also had his share of heartbreaks and bad experiences with other women. (He has an inferiority complex and insecurities.)
When I sleep over (no sex involved), sometimes he'll willingly embrace me, and intitiate the cuddling. Yet, sometimes he won't even touch me.
So I'l inititate the cuddling, and then he'll pull me in closer. From that, I intrepret that he enjoys the cuddling, but does not always want to inititate it.
What I'm asking is when are you comfortable intitating intimacy, and when are you not? I'm not ready to ask this man what his triggers are, so I'm just trying to read the cues until then.
Also, what are you thinking when vulnerability feels horrible? Are you afraid the person will leave you? Are you afraid the person won't love you anymore?