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#434867 - 05/16/13 04:32 PM Dating a Male Survivor and the challenges
IrisHashiba Offline


Registered: 05/16/13
Posts: 10
Hello, all. This is my first time on a website like this. Reason being is I'm seeing a guy who confessed to me that he has a hard time being open to someone because of having been a victim. He was victimized once as a young adult, and has never sought professional help. This happened 10 years ago, but he never sought help.

Now, I can tell this is affecting our relationship, intimacy, and sex.

Can someone please share with me their personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences when dealing with their loved one, spouse, and significant other? I am lost here, and I feel sad a lot from the distance. I'm hoping that gaining an understanding and some knowledge will help me cope during times when I feel isolated.

Thanks!

-Iris

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#434889 - 05/16/13 10:05 PM Re: Dating a Male Survivor and the challenges [Re: IrisHashiba]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 636
Loc: NJ
Hi Iris - look through some of the previous posts. You can also search for topics or keywords. There are many who have come here seeking the exact type of advice that you are asking for and this site holds a wealth of ideas, suggestions and input.

My recommendation is to be compassionate not only with him, but with yourself. Be kind to you.

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#434946 - 05/17/13 11:34 AM Re: Dating a Male Survivor and the challenges [Re: IrisHashiba]
IrisHashiba Offline


Registered: 05/16/13
Posts: 10
Thank you, Esposa. I have been reading a bit, and it has helped me out a lot!

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#435308 - 05/20/13 10:38 PM Re: Dating a Male Survivor and the challenges [Re: IrisHashiba]
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5925
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
How are you Iris? Please let us know,

Sam
_________________________
My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge. (Proverbs 17:27)"

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#436314 - 05/30/13 01:14 PM Re: Dating a Male Survivor and the challenges [Re: IrisHashiba]
IrisHashiba Offline


Registered: 05/16/13
Posts: 10
Sam,

I'm doing fine. Thanks for asking. My guy and I went on a weekend getaway for the first time. It was really nice.

He's still displaying intimacy issues, which now I find is normal.

I had dated a man who was a CSA survivor previously, but it was a very toxic relationship for reasons outside his CSA, and it didn't last. As a result, I'm somewhat traumatized, and am apprehensive to deal with my current guy who is a ASA victim. (He hasn't sought professional help.)

As a result, I honestly don't know if I can be in a relationship with my current guy. My mom says that I should be more compassionate, but sometimes the intimacy issues reminds me too much of my previous relationship with the CSA survivor.

Expressing my feelings on this forum helps a great deal! I wish I can be the "Mother Theresa" type, and completely commit myself to my current guy, but I can't...yet. And it's not my lack of willingness--it's more that the wall is there between me and him, and I don't know if HE'S willing to let me in, ya know?

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#436366 - 05/30/13 08:12 PM Re: Dating a Male Survivor and the challenges [Re: IrisHashiba]
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5925
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I feel that Iris,

Remember it is about you and what you want. Learn what you can to help you in this relationship about you and what you love and what you can live with, my best to you. Thanks for the update!

Sam
_________________________
My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge. (Proverbs 17:27)"

Top


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