Julia, you ask a great question that I didn't even realize I had until I read it!
My H is in the position denying the CSA is interfering with our marriage, claiming he has already dealt with it, and this is just who he is (not intimate, distant). I look back at some life altering moments like when I was in a rollover accident on the freeway I could have easily perished in, but amazingly was able to walk away w/o a scratch, and when the CHP officer drove me back home, I was expecting to be greeted with a great big hug, SOMETHING, but nothing....he didn't even get up from his position of sitting on the floor until someone said to him 'Don't you just want to get up and hug her? Thank goodness she's okay!" He later questioned whether the accident was that bad, and claims I overreact to certain things?!?
Anyways, I digress. I would love insight from others on your post as well - I see so many wonderful stories about survivors and their journey, but do wonder about the others that have yet to see the light and what their spouses' journeys have been like dealing with this.
Best to all......