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#436234 - 05/29/13 05:26 PM Re: Danny's Intro [Re: GoldStone]
rc1965 Offline


Registered: 04/23/13
Posts: 12
Hi GoldStone and welcome. Sounds like you are really conflicted and/or and struggling. I commend you for stepping up and showing courage. I enjoyed our brief chat today and hope we can talk again soon.

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#436327 - 05/30/13 04:01 PM Re: Danny's Intro [Re: GoldStone]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""



Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 03:40 PM)

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#436395 - 05/31/13 08:11 AM Re: Danny's Intro [Re: GoldStone]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Thanks everyone. Gonna hold off on posting and messaging until i get my legs.


Edited by GoldStone (05/31/13 08:12 AM)

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#438009 - 06/13/13 04:42 AM Re: Danny's Intro [Re: bodyguard8367]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Originally Posted By: bodyguard8367

Your particular story and mine are similar, we are both survivors of sibling incest. Incest is particularly damaging, (not less so as you have put forth).

You are welcome here. And we all have felt as you do at one time or another...don't be afraid. We will help you as others helped us.

Hope to get to know you.

By the Way, LOVE CS Lewis....the Screwtape Letters were awesome!



Thanks for your comments and concern. Can you shed some light on this for me? Why is it 'more' damaging?

Thanks man,

Gold

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#438010 - 06/13/13 04:46 AM Re: Danny's Intro [Re: Jude]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Originally Posted By: Jude
Those early experiences still deeply affect our sexuality as men. I can only suggest therapy as a means to work through those issues, to sort out what kind of sexual boundaries will work for us now as men.





Lately I've been talking with my wife about the need for a loving male partner in my life. I don't know if it needs to be sexual but I'd like it to be something where if sexual feelings do come up, it won't be the end of the world.

Thanks for welcoming me. I'm ready to engage a little bit more.

Gold

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#438031 - 06/13/13 09:49 AM Re: Danny's Intro [Re: GoldStone]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 412
Loc: Canada
Welcome GoldStone ...

The measure by which anyone should judge whether or not they belong here is within oneself.
If your intentions are to find healthy interactions with others who have experienced
ANY type of damaging sexual contact as a male child... and/or ... adult ...
then you are in the right place and you belong here.

The spectrum of what is abuse ranges wildly from one individual to another ...
and is subject to interpretation ...
and although everyone here has a unique story ... they are essentially the same.

We all come here for a reason.

That in itself should be all the convincing you need ...
and you obviously need help to sort things out.
We can only do so much here ...
support you.
You must also consider the fact that talking to the wrong people ... here or anywhere ... can be very damaging to your desire to understand yourself.

My strong suggestion is that you find a therapist or psychiatrist who is not affiliated
with a faith-based institution.
I mean no disrespect by that ... but let's be honest.
Religion has it's own agenda ... and is frequently driven by it's own well being ...
rather than yours.
You need someone objective ... and professional.

Now you have a case in point ... my opinion ... like it or not.

Seek honesty ...

It's our only hope.

Once again ...
welcome GoldStone.

Shawn.
(a once and still confused survivor ... you will never get all the answers)
smile
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#438048 - 06/13/13 12:24 PM Re: Danny's Intro [Re: GoldStone]
cypressman Offline


Registered: 08/17/09
Posts: 1
GoldStone:

I can relate to what you said having had some limited same sex play with two cousins my age when we were young teenagers. I took them out to lunch several years ago individually and apologized for my part in it all. One cousin was apologetic in return but the cousin who had initiated the action was unapologetic and seemed detached from the discussion. He had no comments to my apology.

Now having lived six decades, I think most men lead their lives as islands. In my late fifties I began to venture off my island and talk to a few guys whose integrity and confidentiality I trusted. I have a couple of "heart freinds,"- -men that I can share deeply with about life, my past experiences and what it means to be a man. I believe David and Johnathan had such a friendship in the Old Testament.

You have received some good advice here, but what you may be looking for in your life is a "heart friendship" with another guy. Tread carefully in that area as the guys here are telling you.

And to BodyGaurd, I am interested to know more about both sibling sexual interaction, and given my facts, sexual same sex interaction between cousins.......Are the dynamics the same between siblings and cousins.

Thanks guys

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#438338 - 06/16/13 02:22 AM Re: Danny's Intro [Re: Shyshark]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Originally Posted By: Shyshark

My strong suggestion is that you find a therapist or psychiatrist who is not affiliated
with a faith-based institution.
I mean no disrespect by that ... but let's be honest.
Religion has it's own agenda ... and is frequently driven by it's own well being ...
rather than yours.
You need someone objective ... and professional.

Now you have a case in point ... my opinion ... like it or not.

Seek honesty ...

It's our only hope.

Once again ...
welcome GoldStone.

Shawn.
(a once and still confused survivor ... you will never get all the answers)
smile





Thank you Shawn for your response.

I like to think I'm relatively aware of the typical limitations of religion in matters of deep trauma. Religion is a tool which without friendship and balls of steel really can only get you so far, if you know what I mean.

honesty, and being satisfied without having all the answers seem like a great recipe for success!

Thank you for your frank response.

Gold


Edited by GoldStone (06/16/13 08:10 PM)

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#438477 - 06/17/13 05:29 PM Re: Danny's Intro [Re: GoldStone]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 285
Loc: MO
GoldStone:

Welcome. I hope you safety here.

Do I consider older brother incest to be sexual abuse? When you are six and he is able to masturbate to ejaculation? Of course. But as you have tried yourself, we try to minimize the abuse and the effect of the abuse.

Now there is no standard of who's story is the worst, nor what counts as part of our story. That is not what we are here about.

The issues you struggle with are not that unusual. If you are asking for a moral consideration of your same sex sexual activities outside of marraige, you will probably not find that kind of judgement here. We tend to be pretty non-judgemental.

I don't know if you have ever met a perpetrator outside of your own sexual experiences. But, I have, and individuals who admit that they have been incarcerated for sexual child abuse, have all told me they are aware of the continued desire or attraction. They know it is wrong and some work very hard to not repeat the offense, ever. That is the normal experience I have found.

I hope you can feel safe and welcome here and that you do not feel the need to stay away or be judged as not adequately abused to be one of us. However, some of us may not be as gentle with our responses as you would like. Sorry.

What we have to share is mostly our own experiences. Hope you find them use3ful/ and again welcome.


Edited by genedebs (06/17/13 05:42 PM)

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#438489 - 06/17/13 07:08 PM Re: Danny's Intro [Re: GoldStone]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
Hello Goldstone and welcome.


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