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#435538 - 05/22/13 11:06 PM Re: Way off topic--home business concerns [Re: fhorns]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3362
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: fhorns
Hey Puffer. Good to see you.

Victor,
Was that supposed to help me? It didn't. Not at all.


I just dumped some on the new guy's forum.


sorry if i didn't help.

i guess it was my obtuse way of saying that i have failed at these things, but i don't want to discourage you. if you enjoy it or if you are good at it, it could be worth it for you.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#435595 - 05/23/13 06:17 PM Re: Way off topic--home business concerns [Re: fhorns]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 680
I wrote this in a PM to another MSer this morning. This is what's really on my mind, and what's running me. I was comparing myself to him:


"Reading other people's stories is easy for me, yet my mind went back to selling myself on the job, having to do it all the time as a substitute teacher in years past. I......felt shame then too. Fearing more, I basically never moved beyond it.

It held me, so no matter how many classes I took, or successful people I hung around, fear of shame kept me from reaching out, sticking my head out, and asking for or seeking positions and attention.

I KNOW I'm attracted to selling now only since the relationships are short term. It was the exact same in teaching, for me. I felt inadequate with long term exposure, thinking they could see me.

THAT'S why I'm here. That truth is why I'm here.

(and what the hell do I do with my mess?) I've not moved past it, and am not sure I will/can."

I'll add something I've never spoken due to shame: failure has always seemed a SAFER alternative than feeling shame and rejection. Twisted? Yes. I only did it due to needing SOME control over my life. ANY control felt peaceful....for a while.

I don't believe I'm alone in this either.

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