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#435521 - 05/22/13 10:01 PM Back.....again
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 695
I'm needing to dump. I've not looked at this stuff for years. Something came up recently, opening me up.

I was at my 12 step meeting 2 nights ago, feeling down, but I thought it was from feeling dejected by my wife. We've been separated 2 years now.

I was mad, sad, open to share.

Something hit me during my meeting. I sat in the very back, away from everyone else, though I've been in this group over 2 years. I didn't feel ok with myself. Trust was down. Jitteryness wasn't high. I just needed to dump.....something.

The speaker, who's a survivor himself, touched something in me. I don't know what happened. I just realized/remembered I didn't trust him or nearly anyone due to my brother taking something from me.

I felt inadequate, unmanly, unworthy. I'd pressured my wife covertly to boost my manliness, she obviously felt it, I got distance from her, and this speaker seemed to point to my mistrust and pain. I shook, crying each time he closed a point.

When I got in group, I dumped it..(slowly, surely, finally crying for about 30 seconds). I let myself know.

I pray for a guide/signpost, for people are scary to me...from a 6 year old's perspective.

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#435524 - 05/22/13 10:17 PM Re: Back.....again [Re: fhorns]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3521
Loc: O Kanada
thanks for dumping.
that's the best thing to do with garbage.
this is a good place to dump it.
i am in a similar state, bringing me back here.
i feel better after a good dump.
keep talking if you have to.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#435537 - 05/22/13 11:04 PM Re: Back.....again [Re: fhorns]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1596
Loc: New England
Welcome back fthorns,

There is no time limit on your membership here. Come back whenever you need to. Sounds like a painful time for you, but you did the right thing by venting to your support group, and here as well. Keep reaching out when you need to, you'll get past this.

Jude
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#435591 - 05/23/13 06:05 PM Re: Back.....again [Re: fhorns]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 03:38 PM)

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#435596 - 05/23/13 06:22 PM Re: Back.....again [Re: fhorns]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 695
Thanks for your replies guys.

I've got a question. Why is my shame so heavy suddenly? How do I make it go away?

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