man I love that screen name and I can hear that in your writing too. I am so glad that you have found us here at MS though sorry you need to. we are very much a brotherhood here you will find support,encouragement, even some wisdom from others experiences. take your time and get comfortable. I am with you about the psych drugs I went in kicking and screaming. I didn't and still don't like the idea of using them, but it is better than self harm and they do seem to help. just stay on the journey man and hang on cause it can be a wild ride! but the good thing is ... you are not alone man
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"