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#435432 - 05/22/13 05:31 AM CSA is my source of strength
si Offline


Registered: 08/11/12
Posts: 45
Loc: Utah
CSA is probably the worst thing that has happened to me, largely because it is something that has happened to me that I couldn't really control, and not something that I involved myself in intentionally. Therefore, not only is it the worst thing that has happened to me, it will most likely be the worst thing that has happened to me. This gives me strength in everyday life, empathy for others and awareness of childrens' mindset.

Knowing that i've already overcome a difficult situation lets me know that I can accomplish anything, and get through it. It is great, knowing that i've already dealt with the worst. Whenever i'm feeling down or upset, I just got to remember my accomplishments and how whatever i'm feeling upset about, isn't the worst thing, and will eventually work itself out. I'm optimistic because I know the dark is behind me, and my future is so bright that I have to wear sun glasses everywhere I walk. It gives me confidence to know that someone could never violate me in a worse way that i've been violated, and no one could ever hurt me so badly, that it is permanent and that I cannot get over it. This keeps me strong and confident. I'm not a victim, i'm a survivor, and in this world where sometimes it feels like survival of the fittest, well, i'm pretty fit. My mental health is awesome

I'm empathetic towards people. I know that some people didn't grow up right, maybe had a bad hand dealt to them, etc. Because of this, I just want what is best for people, I want others to be happy. I know that life can suck, and it can suck when we did nothing wrong, we were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't see all people as inherently bad or good, of course there is a mix. If someone is hurting badly, I want to help them push through, because I know what it is like to hurt badly, and to feel like no one will understand, feel like you're the only one, and feel like it is your fault that you feel badly. In a nutshell, I can empathize with people because i've felt despair, guilt, depression, hopelessness, violation, etc.

The most important thing that CSA gives me, is the ability to really know a child's mindset. Connecting with the inner child and going back to our childhoods help me connect with kids more. This is important to me because I have little siblings that I want to look out for. Knowing how they think, allows me to better connect with them. Knowing how they think, allows me to know if something is truly bothering them. Knowing how they think, makes me a better older brother. Kids are trusting and curious. They grow up watching tv shows that show how everyone is so happy and friendly, and that no one is a bad guy. Naturally, they are going to apply this to the real world. Because I'm aware of how dangerous this could be, i'm able to better protect them and make sure no evil falls onto them.

I described CSA as an anchor, always trying to bring us below the ocean's surface. But I think CSA can be a source of strength too. We could use it to make our muscles stronger, and use that muscle to become a better, stronger version of ourselves. I'm not going to allow my anchor to drown me in the ocean, i'm not going to allow it to control my life and do what it wants with me. No, i'm going to take the anchor and make it make me stronger, i'm going to control the anchor and make it affect my life how I choose to. And I choose to make it a source of strength.

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#435453 - 05/22/13 10:19 AM Re: CSA is my source of strength [Re: si]
atari_kid86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/23/10
Posts: 130
Loc: Michigan
Good thoughts! Empathy is one strength we can reep from CSA.

I remember in my late teens thinking once, "So now that these horrible things are in my past, things certainly can't get any worse then they were then." Although I don't always believe that statement now, I always come back to it. CSA is possibly going to be the worst thing that happens to me in my life and that thought gives me some strength to push onward.

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#435454 - 05/22/13 10:23 AM Re: CSA is my source of strength [Re: si]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1584
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: si
I'm not going to allow my anchor to drown me in the ocean, i'm not going to allow it to control my life and do what it wants with me. No, i'm going to take the anchor and make it make me stronger, i'm going to control the anchor and make it affect my life how I choose to. And I choose to make it a source of strength.

Excellent post Si. Excuse me for quoting the bible, but there is line in Genesis 50:20 where Joseph is chastising his brothers who sold him into slavery out of jealousy. Joseph's brother's evil act was offset in that he was redeemed out of slavery and rose to become second in command ruling over Egypt. In that capacity he was able to save the Egyptian people from a huge famine.

"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today."

Perhaps God is not the author of all things bad, but he always seeks to make something good out of the bad that happens.

Jude
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#435487 - 05/22/13 03:44 PM Re: CSA is my source of strength [Re: si]
JoziSA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/05/12
Posts: 144
Loc: Johannesburg, South Africa
Si

I have not been on here for a while.. Reading your post has been so motivating. Thank You. Sometimes we all dwell on the past and hold onto the bad, you are right in what you have said it is our "anchor". I often feel bad that I think I have been succesful because of my abuse and rape. I like who I am. It made me work harder, get involved in voluntary organizations, became a great husband and good father. I worked harder, needed to help other men, started an organization. I've been busy finalizing Mike Lew's visit to South Africa. He will be training therapists, doing a weekend of healing for male survivors, he will also be the key note speaker at the first conference of South African Male Surviors Of Sexual Abuse? I work hard to be a good person. I think I work harder than others because of my past. I really like your attitude, your thinking is much the same as mine. It is great to have some positive posts here. Keep writing, keep motivating, you have a gift.
_________________________
Rees (JoziSA)
My Story and Blog www.kilimalesurvivor.wordpress.com

South African MALE SURVIVORS of Sexual Abuse
www.samsosa.org
If your mind can perceive it and your heart can believe it, YOU can achieve it.

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