I have learned more from you in the seven years you have been alive the anyone I have ever known. My Dad was not in the picture until I was 15, and I will probably always feel a hole in my heart for that absence. It's one of the reasons I want to be the best Dad I can be to you.
Shortly after you turned 7, my doctor put me on some new medicine to help me sleep. I took it exactly as prescribed, but had a very bad reaction. In the spam of three days I went from being me, to feeling like I would never be happy again. At some point during my reaction, I realized how truly perfect an innocent you are. I realized that although there are a lot of things you could do at your age, you rely on me and your Mom for almost everything.
It was sometime on the third day when it all came flooding back. I was seven when the abuse started, and I saw myself in your eyes. It's hard to think of your own self as innocent and helpless, but that's what I was. After 25 years of lying to myself, it was you my sweet sweet boy who helped me see myself.
I've learned so much about myself this last year, and while its been difficult, I know that untangling my past and finally dealing with these issues will help me a better man and a Father.
One day when you are older, I can share this story with you, but for now, I'm gonna make sure you have the best childhood I never had.
I love you son,
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"