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#435170 - 05/19/13 08:03 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
BuffaloCO Offline

Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 487
Loc: USA
Paul was always kind to me, and I enjoyed the few times I got to speak with him. He'll be missed but he's home now, and he's free.
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

#435172 - 05/19/13 08:10 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Poorsoft Offline

Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
This is sad, my thoughts are with his family.


#435190 - 05/19/13 09:48 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Poorsoft]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Goodbye Paul, pbert53. We will miss you.

Here is his Profile:

Here is Paul's introduction to MS

Here is part of his story
I'm sorry Paul that it was that way for you.
Originally Posted By: pbert

Hi guys.

I am getting the feel of this and want to share more.

I was sexually abused by my older brother from the time I was 4 until I was 14.

He groomed me at that early age. He would take showers with me and flaunt his donkey thing in front of me. I, of course had absolutely no interest in it or that he was trying to teach me how to masturbate.

He must have convinced me that it was an OK thing. I have lost the memory of my second grade year of school. I think to not remember what happened. I also have had a deep seated resentment towards his penis. How come he got the donkey dick and I was given a micro-mini penis?

Then I remember third grade on, meeting his every sexual desires. I have the memory of it not being bad, nor did it make me feel guilty. I guess i bought into it completely. It felt good and i came to like it a lot. I actually thought that it was normal to do. I didn't feel guilty and shame until I was 14.

There are five siblings in my family. I am second and have two younger sisters and one younger brother. I found out much later that he had been abusing them as well. That made me even more upset because I think somehow in my head I had thought that because I was being expected to perform with and on him, that my younger sibs were safe. in a sick sort of way I also liked to please him.

He became my father figure, because my father was a cold and unattainable man that never had anything good to say about us and never gave us nurturing or love. He was also a brute when it came to beating us for misdeeds.

So, we all had to do everything to my big brother that he desired and every thing he desired to us.

Needless to say this whole matter truly messed up my whole life. I became a sexual anorexic. I got married and had four beautiful children of whom I am very proud of. But I always worried that I might molest them, so I didn't get to close to them.

Also, sex was and is extremely frightening. I never knew when I would be able to perform. But, when I could, it was fantastic. So, I also worried that I might be gay. I have found out that I am not gay, but after reading Mike Lew's book, I understood why. I do appreciate the beauty of a man's body as much as the beauty of a female's body. I now think that I might be Bi.

I still have a long hard journey ahead of me, but I believe that I have a strong support team covering my back. I'm not religious, but I have a spiritual program in place and a Higher Power watching over me. I have a host of friends who help me and many tools to use in my recovery process.

That is all I care to share this time. I will have to build the courage to share more in the future.

Thanks for letting me share.

If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

~ adapted from: Sri Ram

Here is one of Paul's most recent posts:

Here is his last post to MS:


#435210 - 05/19/13 11:44 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 769
Loc: upper south
I am so sorry the gentleness will be gone. May he find the peace.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

#435220 - 05/20/13 02:30 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: ThisMan]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

#435227 - 05/20/13 03:39 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Publius Offline

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 444
Loc: OH
He passed away peacefully in his sleep this past Saturday according to his memorial page on facebook. Pbert's posts and private message clearly provided quite a bit of inspiration and support during his time here. I am sorry I did not interact with him more but I must say his journey of survival was a testament to the strength inside each and every one of us. May he rest in peace.
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

#435239 - 05/20/13 09:17 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
Castle Offline

Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 758
Paul was a good man.. always had something positive to say.

He loved his family and many men here.

It's never too late to figure this stuff out and get some good out of life.

May his memory live strong in the hearts of his friends and family.

#435315 - 05/20/13 11:39 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: Castle]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
There will be an open house for Paul Berteaux to honor his memory and the mark he left on the world. Please join family and friends if you are able. Drop in when you can, stay as long as you like. Please feel free to share any stories or memories you have of him on his facebook page. Please also invite/add anyone to this event (facebook) who knew and loved him.

We know Paul had many friends that he loved from a distance that may not be able to attend. We will have Skype available during the open house hours for those who would like to "stop in" and be a part of the day with us. Calvin Triemstra, one of my dad's roommates, is the user name of the Skype account we will be using.

Paul Berteaux Memorial Open House
6715 109th St. Ct. E. Puyallup, WA 98373

10:00am until 7:00pm in PDT, May 22, 2013

by Ari-Amber Berteaux Messer, daughter

Edited by pufferfish (05/20/13 11:44 PM)

#435329 - 05/21/13 01:51 AM Re: pbert53 [Re: Obi]
WriterKeith Offline

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 976
Loc: southern California
Fly high and mighty
brave soul and gentle friend
Till we meet again

#435407 - 05/21/13 11:25 PM Re: pbert53 [Re: WriterKeith]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11673
Loc: Denver, CO
"Suddenly you were gone, from all the lives you left your mark upon..."
- Neil Peart

Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

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