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#435336 - 05/21/13 07:45 AM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1871
Loc: durham, north england
I actually could say just the same as Ken. What bothers me is I'll meet people, I'll use all my social skills to get on, and heck I do, I'll have people of both genders treat me like their personal counselor and tell me their life stories including stuff they'd never tell anyone else, ---- then people just leave and never contact me again, never want to just spend time hanging out or talking, or indeed going to see films, indeed I've not made any friends I could do that with since back when i was first at university.

If I phoned someone I'd get the same, we'd have a really in depth conversation, I'd learn everything about them, what they were worried about etc, then that would be that, they'd just bugger off again and it'd be even harder to contact someone after that without feeling as though I was bothering them.


This pretty much means I just have the activities in my life, my singing and writing and books, my voluntary work on accessible computer games etc, and indeed the more energy I put into that, the less alone I feel.

Ultimately, however close you think you are to someone, whatever problems you've helped them with, whatever they've disclosed to you, that quality that makes friends stick together, much less any sort of relationship is just something which I don't have.

It's almost ironic sometimes, I go into F&F and hear all these stories from partners of survivers who love their husbands or wives, but don't know the details of their abuse history or much of what they are feeling, yet for me it's literally the other way around. Everyone! tells me what they're feeling, ---- the trouble is that is pretty much all I ever am, everyone's brother confessor, but nobody's friend, much less lover.

So, I'll live without people, or at least without anything close, because ultimately it's easier for me to find a meaning in what I! do than looking for anything from others. If I were feeling misanthropic I'd claime this is because people are faithless, but equally it might just be that whatever faculty people have to make close friends is something I've lost. I'd thought I'd regained it this year during a production I was doing, but since everyone has just left again, including all those people who said they'd keep in touch, and since my phone calls got the same result as usual obviously not.

Well never mind, I'm going off to study voice next year, and all I expect of an audience is to accept my love of music for the duration of my song, then they can leave and freely forget I exist as usual.

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#435350 - 05/21/13 10:44 AM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Hi Dark Empathy,

Thanks for your reply. Seems you have much better skills than I do, somehow getting people to open up to you and bare themselves.

I don't know how to do that, and I wouldn't be able to tell you what I needed to improve, either, I'm so clueless. I can't get beyond several sentences as a 'conversation' before they're gone.

I hope you get better with your social skills so you can have the friendships you want to have.

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#435354 - 05/21/13 11:33 AM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1871
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Magellan.

It's not as difficult as you'd think, indeed if an intravert like me can do it I'd say anyone else can. It's just a matter of learning how to make smalltalk, make people laugh, be honest without being scary and pick up people's emotions and respond appropriately, as well as obvious stuff like smile, speak pleasantly etc.

For me, it's all been stuff I had to learn to do, since it's no good me just expecting things from others. if I walk into a shop and have to ask the assistant what stuff they have because I can't read the packaging, I simply can't! just treat that person as a means, otherwise I'm not going to get things done.

I'd actually recommend you just start off by saying hi to generic people, taxidrivers, shop assistants, weighters etc, and perhaps try some activity where you need to interact with people, but where the interaction isn't crucial to it. I for instance used to go to choire each sunday in colige just to belt out some songs, and I could enjoy the singing without having to think about others too much.

The problem I'm finding is that this has limits, or maybe it just doesn't accomplish what I want. as I said everyone treats me like their therapist, I get good responses from people while I'm actually! with them, but nobody ever seems to contact me afterwards or commit to anything. Oh yes, during whatever event I meet people at, people talk to me, we share jokes, I get told people's troubles, I even get the "you would make a good boyfriend" comment, but then everyone just pisses off, and there's not much i can do about it after that, since I've already done all I possibly could.

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#435360 - 05/21/13 02:03 PM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
I've been trying for 30 years now, and I still can't figure it out. I'm not getting something. I simply don't get it.

I've literally done everything that people have suggested over the 30 years. There's literally nothing left for me to try. Oh, there's "acceptance" but that doesn't change how lonely and depressed I am. I just can't make any friends.

Living a lonely and depressed life is not what I want. I never wanted it, I never asked for it, but its all I know. And apparently its out of my control to even change it after 30 years of effort and trying. I just get left out of the whole party called "life" and watch everyone else from the sidelines.

Oh, and now I get to watch my body slowly decay, as it has started recently. Sometimes I really feel like I've been tortured by some extra dimensional demon that put me here to witness suffering and extreme envy / jealousy. I sometimes feel like THIS is hell.






_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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