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#435204 - 05/19/13 11:23 PM sitting in a movie theatre party of 1
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
About to watch star trek alone. Dunno if I should feel pathetic or proud.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#435206 - 05/19/13 11:32 PM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6708
Loc: USA
Watching a movie is kind of an alone thing to do anyway, even if you are in a huge group of people. This is because you are not relating to individuals but you are responding to media on the screen. So I often go to movies alone because of that. Even if you are alone, so is everybody else who may be sitting there in the theater. They are alone because they are relating to the medium and not to human individuals.

Puffer

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#435207 - 05/19/13 11:34 PM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 758
Loc: upper south
I have a confession also... I go to the theatre quite often... alone. ... used to feel pathetic... then I decided... hell-0-pete... PROUD that I could enter and sit through an entire movie by myself... and I now I love the freedom to just go when I want. Yes, sir, be proud of yourself. I am.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#435208 - 05/19/13 11:37 PM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
You may have just convinced me, Magellan, to see STITD tomorrow noon (everyone's at work and I have the theater to myself). Haven't done a theater movie in a while. A treat for me, like TM. Only other decision is tacos with gobs of cheese or popcorn drowning in butter (worthy of its own thread). Have the little mint flosser (no pun intended). Thanks!

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#435218 - 05/20/13 02:13 AM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Thanks, Guys.

Great, almost mindless fun. Glad I went.

Wish I had friends to hang out with.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

Top
#435219 - 05/20/13 02:19 AM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6708
Loc: USA
Mag..

I have had huge problems with social isolation. A couple of guys "adopted" me in the sense that they have me eat lunch with them twice a week so that I'm not alone. That happened after I started to be able to share my story with a motivated and loving person who was NOT a therapist.

I go to a non-depressing movie when I need diversion but I don't rely on it for friendship time.

Puffer

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#435236 - 05/20/13 08:13 AM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1866
Loc: durham, north england
I'm actually quite jealous there Magellan. The nearest cinemar to me is in Newcastle, which is about an hour's commute away with one train and two taxies and would cost me about 12 for the journey. I really wish there still was! a cinemar in Durham that I could go to alone. indeed one rather ironic fact is that I only get to see films on the few occasions when one of my friends who live a long way away happens to be up here and wants to watch something since otherwise the journey is pointless, which means I miss out on a lot of stuff.

I've not seen startrek yet, and I didn't see the first one because the friend I usually see films with isn't really a startrek fan.

Going to do stuff with a friend is good, but watchingfilms is also good and the two are not necessarily the same thing, indeed as Alan aka puffer said, simply the act of seeing a film together is pretty isolating anyway, it's other stuff you do around seeing that film that makes a difference, going out for food or whatever, and that sort of stuff can also be done just as well alone.

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#435254 - 05/20/13 01:10 PM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: pufferfish]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
I suffer from severe isolation, too. I don't click with anyone. The last good friend I had was over 10 years ago. I've been severely lonely ever since.

I don't know why I can't click with others. A former sponsor tried to convince me it is because I'm so intelligent. And my therapist tries to convince me it is because I'm also incredibly perceptive / deep. I sense / think / know things that most people are unaware of.

Whatever. I'm profoundly lonely and I need 'mine' to make a life worth living.

Originally Posted By: pufferfish
Mag..

I have had huge problems with social isolation. A couple of guys "adopted" me in the sense that they have me eat lunch with them twice a week so that I'm not alone. That happened after I started to be able to share my story with a motivated and loving person who was NOT a therapist.

I go to a non-depressing movie when I need diversion but I don't rely on it for friendship time.

Puffer



_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

Top
#435255 - 05/20/13 01:12 PM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: dark empathy]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
That sucks to hear. I live in a metro area, and the nearest mega theater complex is like 3 blocks away. The second largest is 10 blocks away.

I'm glad I made the decision to move here, sometimes. But I suffer incredibly because of how chronically lonely I am all the time.

I just can't make any friends. I just don't know how. Makes most of my days unbearably boring and makes my life feel pointless.



Originally Posted By: dark empathy
I'm actually quite jealous there Magellan. The nearest cinemar to me is in Newcastle, which is about an hour's commute away with one train and two taxies and would cost me about 12 for the journey. I really wish there still was! a cinemar in Durham that I could go to alone. indeed one rather ironic fact is that I only get to see films on the few occasions when one of my friends who live a long way away happens to be up here and wants to watch something since otherwise the journey is pointless, which means I miss out on a lot of stuff.

I've not seen startrek yet, and I didn't see the first one because the friend I usually see films with isn't really a startrek fan.

Going to do stuff with a friend is good, but watchingfilms is also good and the two are not necessarily the same thing, indeed as Alan aka puffer said, simply the act of seeing a film together is pretty isolating anyway, it's other stuff you do around seeing that film that makes a difference, going out for food or whatever, and that sort of stuff can also be done just as well alone.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

Top
#435266 - 05/20/13 04:36 PM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1043
Loc: The ATL
Originally Posted By: Magellan
That sucks to hear. I live in a metro area, and the nearest mega theater complex is like 3 blocks away. The second largest is 10 blocks away.

I'm glad I made the decision to move here, sometimes. But I suffer incredibly because of how chronically lonely I am all the time.

I just can't make any friends. I just don't know how. Makes most of my days unbearably boring and makes my life feel pointless.


Hi Magellan. Sorry to hear you're feeling that way. I lead a pretty isolated life as well. Having few friends and no significant other, I've gotten used to going to movies alone. (Although, I rarely go to the movies at all any more due to the cost.) In fact, in the past 15 or so years, I've gone to the movies alone probably nine out of every ten times I've gone. Shit, I've even gone to sporting events alone at times. It feels kind of weird at first, but you get used to it. That's not to say you should just "get used to it" and give up on finding friends who could go with you, it's just that I personally don't feel weird about going everywhere on my own anymore and haven't for a long time. I suppose I shouldn't expect that others would be able to adapt, adjust to and even embrace isolation the way that I have. If you can't, good luck finding someone you click with. Everyone deserves to have a friend. Take it easy. Peace,

Ken

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#435336 - 05/21/13 07:45 AM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1866
Loc: durham, north england
I actually could say just the same as Ken. What bothers me is I'll meet people, I'll use all my social skills to get on, and heck I do, I'll have people of both genders treat me like their personal counselor and tell me their life stories including stuff they'd never tell anyone else, ---- then people just leave and never contact me again, never want to just spend time hanging out or talking, or indeed going to see films, indeed I've not made any friends I could do that with since back when i was first at university.

If I phoned someone I'd get the same, we'd have a really in depth conversation, I'd learn everything about them, what they were worried about etc, then that would be that, they'd just bugger off again and it'd be even harder to contact someone after that without feeling as though I was bothering them.


This pretty much means I just have the activities in my life, my singing and writing and books, my voluntary work on accessible computer games etc, and indeed the more energy I put into that, the less alone I feel.

Ultimately, however close you think you are to someone, whatever problems you've helped them with, whatever they've disclosed to you, that quality that makes friends stick together, much less any sort of relationship is just something which I don't have.

It's almost ironic sometimes, I go into F&F and hear all these stories from partners of survivers who love their husbands or wives, but don't know the details of their abuse history or much of what they are feeling, yet for me it's literally the other way around. Everyone! tells me what they're feeling, ---- the trouble is that is pretty much all I ever am, everyone's brother confessor, but nobody's friend, much less lover.

So, I'll live without people, or at least without anything close, because ultimately it's easier for me to find a meaning in what I! do than looking for anything from others. If I were feeling misanthropic I'd claime this is because people are faithless, but equally it might just be that whatever faculty people have to make close friends is something I've lost. I'd thought I'd regained it this year during a production I was doing, but since everyone has just left again, including all those people who said they'd keep in touch, and since my phone calls got the same result as usual obviously not.

Well never mind, I'm going off to study voice next year, and all I expect of an audience is to accept my love of music for the duration of my song, then they can leave and freely forget I exist as usual.

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#435350 - 05/21/13 10:44 AM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Hi Dark Empathy,

Thanks for your reply. Seems you have much better skills than I do, somehow getting people to open up to you and bare themselves.

I don't know how to do that, and I wouldn't be able to tell you what I needed to improve, either, I'm so clueless. I can't get beyond several sentences as a 'conversation' before they're gone.

I hope you get better with your social skills so you can have the friendships you want to have.

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

Top
#435354 - 05/21/13 11:33 AM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1866
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Magellan.

It's not as difficult as you'd think, indeed if an intravert like me can do it I'd say anyone else can. It's just a matter of learning how to make smalltalk, make people laugh, be honest without being scary and pick up people's emotions and respond appropriately, as well as obvious stuff like smile, speak pleasantly etc.

For me, it's all been stuff I had to learn to do, since it's no good me just expecting things from others. if I walk into a shop and have to ask the assistant what stuff they have because I can't read the packaging, I simply can't! just treat that person as a means, otherwise I'm not going to get things done.

I'd actually recommend you just start off by saying hi to generic people, taxidrivers, shop assistants, weighters etc, and perhaps try some activity where you need to interact with people, but where the interaction isn't crucial to it. I for instance used to go to choire each sunday in colige just to belt out some songs, and I could enjoy the singing without having to think about others too much.

The problem I'm finding is that this has limits, or maybe it just doesn't accomplish what I want. as I said everyone treats me like their therapist, I get good responses from people while I'm actually! with them, but nobody ever seems to contact me afterwards or commit to anything. Oh yes, during whatever event I meet people at, people talk to me, we share jokes, I get told people's troubles, I even get the "you would make a good boyfriend" comment, but then everyone just pisses off, and there's not much i can do about it after that, since I've already done all I possibly could.

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#435360 - 05/21/13 02:03 PM Re: sitting in a movie theatre party of 1 [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
I've been trying for 30 years now, and I still can't figure it out. I'm not getting something. I simply don't get it.

I've literally done everything that people have suggested over the 30 years. There's literally nothing left for me to try. Oh, there's "acceptance" but that doesn't change how lonely and depressed I am. I just can't make any friends.

Living a lonely and depressed life is not what I want. I never wanted it, I never asked for it, but its all I know. And apparently its out of my control to even change it after 30 years of effort and trying. I just get left out of the whole party called "life" and watch everyone else from the sidelines.

Oh, and now I get to watch my body slowly decay, as it has started recently. Sometimes I really feel like I've been tortured by some extra dimensional demon that put me here to witness suffering and extreme envy / jealousy. I sometimes feel like THIS is hell.






_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

Top
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