Newest Members
beatcook, MassGuy, wiresguy1, AustinChemist, wild_turky
12276 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
4113 (60), Andre M, (36), catchup22 (62), jim OCA 7 (57), sidhearthur (55), SkyClad (65)
Who's Online
4 registered (thedudeabides, Obi, ACRoberts, 1 invisible), 27 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12276 Members
73 Forums
63167 Topics
441715 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#435112 - 05/19/13 01:54 AM .
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

Top
#435113 - 05/19/13 02:28 AM Re: Introducing myself/New member [Re: JoeSmith]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3018
Loc: O Kanada
welcome,

if you have been reading some of the posts, you know that the survivors here have similar stories and symptoms, but all different.
we kind of work it out together, anonymously, publicly, in moderation. inner strength and outside resources are also required.

i feel safe here, so far.

that's what matters. for now.

you too, can work it through.

in your own way.

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#435138 - 05/19/13 01:50 PM Re: Introducing myself/New member [Re: JoeSmith]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
Yes, sexual abuse by mothers is especially pernicious. She's the one person you are supposed to learn intimacy, and warmth toward other human beings from. NOT sexual intimacy. And society doesn't seem to give a damn. Or worse, some even seem to think it's somehow less damaging than, say, SA by fathers. Tell that to Ricky Rodriguez. His story is very sad and tragic, but at least it brought out into the light of the public eye how much anguish survivors of motherly incest go through. I just want to acknowledge I know from hearing from countless others coming out of the same situation, it is hellish. Society doesn't want to hear about it due to some of the excesses of feminism and women's lib, imo, who don't ever want to admit women- much more MOTHERS- do this, too. Or that women are anything but perfect spotless angels, and if they ever seem to be bad, it's just because a man drove them to it, or they're misunderstood, blah, blah, blah. Again, tell that to Ricky Rodriguez (unfortunately, no one can, because he's dead now).

My childhood hero and mentor- the man who gave me my love for science- was also a survivor of mother/son CSA. Far from being a "freak" or any other negative epithet you fear you might be seen as, when I learned he was a survivor of this cruel form of CSA, he became 100 times more of a hero to me than before. I won't pretend to fully grasp it, but (unintentionally) my own mother has been emotionally incestuous towards me at times- even seeming to come on to me when my father was out of town one time- and.... I don't know how you guys do it, who've been through this. Just that one little instance for me was devastating to the point I didn't want to just cease to live, I wanted to never have existed. I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell her how she makes me feel- and I'm quite sure it's unintentional- it's just her airheaded nature. She couldn't have done that at a worse time, either. It so happened to be right when I first started getting flashbacks of a man abusing me as a boy (still not certain of his identity- leaning strongly toward my father, though).

But I just want to emphasize, you are not alone in this. Feel free to vent and scream out all your frustrations. We are here for you. And there is no way in hell you are a freak in any way shape, or form.


Edited by Life's A Dream (05/19/13 02:28 PM)

Top
#435143 - 05/19/13 02:26 PM . [Re: Life's A Dream]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

Top
#435147 - 05/19/13 03:05 PM . [Re: Life's A Dream]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

Top
#435149 - 05/19/13 04:00 PM Re: Introducing myself/New member [Re: JoeSmith]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Welcome Joe: please know there is healing and you can reclaim your life. Sorry things have been so tough for you in dealing with this: Don't look for society or others to validate or affirm your experience (the abuse and its consequences): trust yourself and find men you can trust who have their own stories of abuse and recovery.

We are here for you.
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

Top
#435154 - 05/19/13 05:02 PM . [Re: Mountainous Buck]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

Top
#438803 - 06/21/13 09:15 AM Re: Introducing myself/New member [Re: JoeSmith]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Hi Joe,

Just read a post of yours saying this site isn't for you. I'm female so I can't post in the forum where you wrote this.

Maybe this site isn't for you, but to tell you the truth, for me as a friend of a man abused as a 5 year old, this site has been invaluable to me and him. And he does not even come here!

How is that? Simple. I was never abused and had zero idea what the effects of it were. I mean, ZERO. So I meet this guy and he's totally confusing. I mean I can't figure heads or tails, or both, or neither. So I start fishing around the net, and find this site. totally immersed myself in it for a long time. Years. And I came to understand, intellectually anyway, some of what he deals with.

This gave me the tolerance and acceptance I needed to remain his friend, and to offer a safe person for him to confide in. It's been very helpful to him.

Through this site, I've come to have some understanding of the adaptation of young children to trauma I like to call multiple personalities. To me, that's exactly what dealing with him was like, dealing with different people, in the same body. That's a tough nut to grasp.

To tell you the truth, I just wish the guys here would spill more of the beans, because the more beans they spill on the effects, the better I understand my friend.

He's been seeing a therapist for years and started seeing the one he's seeing now for the last 2 years. His personalities no longer seem to hate each other, and they are on some levels fusing. It's a great thing. But it's slow, he's still a royal pain in the ass, and so on and so forth.

And by the way, he is hyper busy with business, so he doesn't have to think about it. Very annoying. But better that than getting drunk and into fights as he used to do.

So, to you and all the guys on here: I wish you'd write every imaginable detail about what you go through, so I don't have to do so much damn guessing. I'm no mindreader.

Are there cliques here? I don't know. I was too busy trying to read whatever would help me understand my friend. And thank you, Pufferfish, for all you told me about multiples. Great help. But he knows it.

Thanks,
A Speedy Recovery,
D.
_________________________
Female.

Top
#438805 - 06/21/13 09:24 AM Re: Introducing myself/New member [Re: JoeSmith]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
One more thing, Joe:

You say this site is for those that had it easy, and you can never get better. Well, I don't know if you can get better or not. I don't know if my friend can ever get better or not. But I love him to death and he knows it - and takes advantage of it! LOL

And the reason I love him? Because I admire him. The son of a bitch never gives up. No matter how bad a day he has, no matter what disagreement we have, no matter how bad business is that day, no matter what his Mom says, no matter that Father's Day rolls around again and puts him in agony, that S.O.B. gets up, dusts himself off, and tries, tries again. He refuses to surrender.

And that makes one impressive dude. Years ago, I made a list of things I wanted to do, and one of the first things I put on my list was, "Be more like Bob."

I don't know if he's a survivor, a thriver, or a total loser, but whatever he is, I want more of it!

D.
_________________________
Female.

Top
#438826 - 06/21/13 01:03 PM . [Re: Disappointed]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

Top
#438926 - 06/22/13 10:06 PM Re: Introducing myself/New member [Re: JoeSmith]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Great thread.

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, Publius, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.